GARDENS AND NATURE can certainly improve my mood. Yesterday, I realized the mini-vacation to Ventura had lifted my mood, but that my return home snapped it back down into the dumps. So off I took myself to Descanso Gardens before my therapy appointment. As I said yesterday, I was hoping to find an old fashioned calendar so I can write all of my schedule on it vs. on my dang phone. I can’t help it, love me some paper art with littles squares for dates. I was in luck and they had one on sale at the garden gift shop. So I saved a few dollars and also helped support the garden.
I also shot some video at Descanso which I hope to string together as a mini-feature for the Coffee Klatchers some time this week. I like to make these, so it is something to look forward to.
Even so, I’m finding myself again, feeling guarded and starting to isolate. It is harder and harder to record or to write my feelings. But I push through for now and this was part of my discussion in therapy.
VOICE ACTING REHEARSAL and HIKING for fun is on my morning agenda. I will Rock Out to some kind of music up the mountain (Sending an IG message to Soph as usual), and then just spend some time alone in contemplation. I have much to think about. The show is coming up on its one year anniversary. Birthdays and Anniversaries can be a time to celebrate as well as to review. I’m really pondering the show right now and where it is going, is it still valuable to me, is it making my life better or harder? It seems so many BCs have moved on and maybe it is time I moved on too. But to what? To change the direction of the show like Alen did with his? Wrap it up and move on to other projects? Is this ME telling myself these things or is it the depression talking?
That’s a hard one. Chicken and egg territory.
In therapy, I agreed it is not time to make a decision like this. It is time to remain on my path until I have more clarity about the brave and right thing for me. But I am in flux. I’m sad. I’m not sure.
I do know that without the show, I would have just gone on another diet last year and lost some weight. And I would have binged all year, and exercised to fight the extra calories, and been obsessed with that journey. This year I was obsessed with finding out what’s under my food obsession and behavior. I was hoping I could also get thin that way, but alas, no. But I am thinner than this time last year by a little bit, and my weight didn’t swing wildly, so that’s a plus. But I do so miss the comfort of the diet/exercise. Such an easy thing to “make my life better”, I don’t mean the doing of it, but the decision and the direction. Without body change in the equation, it is much tougher to get down to “what would make me happier, or give my life more meaning”.
Yes, a good day for thought. Right before I did Daily Adventure Tales, on the mountain I strongly heard in my own still voice, that I should start a podcast. I KNEW in my heart that was my path. I didn’t know what or how or why, but I knew it was what I should do. And I met all of you BCs and changed my life forever. Whatever happens, I have been changed for the better. I’m hoping the mountain will be in a talkative mood today.
Then I’ll spend time on my singing and prepping my voice acting parts for class tomorrow. It is great that I found these two new loves and was brave enough to let myself go for them.
How about you?
Please feel free to comment on MY statuses or add YOUR OWN thoughts, feelings, challenges, rants and raves on these pages too. That was one of the original purposes of why I posted on FB. I thought BCs might like to share about THEIR days. So if you have thoughts and feelings you’d like to share with the group, go ahead and put them here with your comments.
*Daily statuses are not part of the blog’s email notification. When you enter your email under where it says SUBSCRIBE TO POSTS VIA EMAIL, you will be notified of regular blog posts and when podcast episodes are released. I didn’t want to clog your inbox with my daily statuses. However, the automatic publicize feature will inform you on my show FB page, my AdventureLaurie twitter account, google+ on its show page, and Tumblr.
BB (Body Balance) number 7 Sleep: 6 hours divided (pretty good quality, both). Tummy/Gut: Gut feels full and I feel very puffy. Not Hungry within one hour of waking, but will eat small pre-hike breakfast anyway. Energy: Moderate. Mood: Sad/Reflective.
BB is my personal criteria, and I don’t think too hard about it. I ask myself at the keyboard, what is my BB? A number between 1-10, including halves, pops into my head. I write it in my post Then I figure out why it is higher or lower and gently make note.
If you are interested these are my measures.
- Sleep. Quality and Amount.
- Tummy/Gut – If I ate what my body asked for, usually above and below the belly button feel balanced. Ate too much, below the belly button feels more full. Ate too little, the reverse.
- Am I hungry within 1 hour of waking? I have found that I feel best if I am hungry within 1 hour of waking. This tends to make my eating day even and not heavy on food in the evening. But I don’t eat if not hungry unless I’m about to ride or hike. I’ve learned I need to fuel these morning activities, or I’ll bonk.
- What is my energy level? Subjective, but telling.
- A quick look at my mood.
The Bravery Coach
TheBraveryCoach daily tweet is a morning mediation on how I either did, or can incorporate an aspect of bravery into my day. It is cheerful. It is esteem building. Those who want to follow these on Twitter may, by searching for the hashtag #bravery or by seeing my profile: