Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary

April 27, 2015

Status 4-27-15*

Yesterday

I decided that I wanted to cook for myself a little more. I find that I eat better and pick much less when I am satisfied by my actual meals. Flu, jury, and other events have kind of been turning me to the “Frozen Dinner is Easy” dark side of convenience. Along with that, easy to grab cookies or ice-creams have been standing in for my usual apples, carrots, nuts and other snacks. Whoa! Nothing WRONG with cookies, right? True. When I truly WANT a cookie, and it isn’t just the easiest thing to cram down my gullet when hungry, nothing wrong with them. For me, dessert items go MUCH better after a balanced meal and I truly relish that bit of sweet and take the time to enjoy it. Cookies alone spike my blood sugar and lead to crashing. AND I’m not usually grabbing cookies or other sugary things by themselves unless I’ve let myself get overly hungry. This is what I’ve learned by listening to my body more. But EVEN WHEN I KNOW these things, I’ve been a bit lazy and a bit sorry for myself because my ‘schedule’ isn’t all in my control. I’ll show ME, I’ll just eat whatever I darn well choose. Well, this isn’t really what I choose, this is me reverting to fast comfort AND punishment both for not being in control. (Sometimes I HATE therapy).

Anyway, I made one of my favorite recipes from Cooking Light – Apricot Turkey burgers. Super good. Paired with Easy Tzatziki Sauce, fresh lettuce and a pretzel roll, THIS was so satisfying – it didn’t need chips, or any other sides for me.

I also walked down to the park – I found it more difficult than usual, probably because I had hiked the day before. I need to work up to my daily hill work again. Those muscles were SORE! But a nice soak in the tub sure felt good after. It was a bit of a lazy day — besides my cooking adventures. I didn’t practice my voice work or singing, basically pet the cats and watched Netflix. Still tired, I think.

BTW, here’s a cute video I took of Tiger sleeping last week. I think my opening shot sucks because only two people liked it on IG, and I think Tiger is cute enough to have gotten more. Too bad his cat-mama (moi) doesn’t have the skill to highlight his innate cute cat sleeping talent. But it goes with today’s theme, so if you haven’t seen it, here is Tiger’s at his cute sleeping best!

#TigerTheCat in a blankie.๐Ÿ˜ฝZzzzxx #CuteCat

A post shared by Laurie Weaver (@lauriedreamweaver) on

Today

Speaking of sleeping, insomnia reared its ugly head for me again last night. It goes to show how much better I’ve been doing in the sleep category as it’s been awhile since this ‘toss and turn no matter what, wide awake after four hours BS’ has struck. So I’m chilling this AM. I may go for a walk, or I may not. Depends how I feel once the sun is actually up.

Mark and I have plans to go to a nursery and pick out a few more items for Spring planting, and that’s always fun. Then singing lesson today. This time I’ll be winging it, because I have not been getting my practice in – and it will show. But that is where I am with singing today, and just like I have to accept where I am with eating, with house cleaning, and with various relationships, denial and regret does not help. When I clearly and objectively assess where I am and how it compares to where I want to be, it helps me choose better in the next moment. Have a great day BCs!

xoxoxoxoxox

How about you?

Please feel free to comment on MY statuses or add YOUR OWN thoughts, feelings, challenges, rants and raves on these pages too. That was one of the original purposes of why I posted on FB. I thought BCs might like to share about THEIR days. So if you have thoughts and feelings you’d like to share with the group, go ahead and put them here with your comments.

*Daily statuses are not part of the blog’s email notification. When you enter your email under where it says SUBSCRIBE TO POSTS VIA EMAIL, you will be notified of regular blog posts and when podcast episodes are released. I didn’t want to clog your inbox with my daily statuses. However, the automatic publicize feature will inform you on my show FB page, my AdventureLaurie twitter account, google+ on its show page, and Tumblr.

PS If you wish to sign up for email notification of blog postings and shows going live (not these status reports) enter your email where it says: “SUBSCRIBE TO POSTS VIA EMAIL”. This blog subscription widget is located to the right on computers and on some tablets, and below the posts on smart phones and on other types of tablets.

PSS, some BCs have asked me the difference between blog postings and status pages. Blog postings are where I develop a complete topic triggered by my status thoughts. Status thoughts are how my day went, what’s on my agenda, and how my body feels today – and not much editing or thought goes into them. That’s why I don’t clog up your email with them. ๐Ÿ™‚

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TheBraveryCoach daily tweet is a morning mediation on how I either did, or can incorporate an aspect of bravery into my day. It is cheerful. It is esteem building. Those who want to follow these on Twitter may, by searching for the hashtag #bravery or by seeing my profile:

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6 thoughts on “4-27-15

  1. dawny

    it’s so exciting to read about the things you are/have learning/ed about yourself, and your body and signals/cues.. it gives me hope too LOL

    I tend to fall into a similar place with Oh, its getting about time it ‘should’ be PMS or something, that must mean I’ll NEED to crave chocolate, and well hell, it’s REALLY LEGIT because PMS is REAL so having the chocolate is a REALLY LEGIT NEED of FULFILLMENT.. and blah blah blah HA.. how ridiculous Dawny Dear Dawny! Get on with yourself. lol at least it’s USUALLY 60% dark right? there’s that? er.. uh.. well…

    Happy Tuesday friends..
    I caught the latest episode today.. I LOVE LOVE LOVE the new feature tips/tricks, gotta get some in the bag..

    AND the foolish fun.. weeehaw, I giggled out loud, that really was pretty darned funny!

    SOOOO Great… Brave companions speaking out! I LOVE it, definitely gives me chills to hear the heart and TRUE-ness when people call in..

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Hiya Ms. Dawny Dear! It is surely interesting to learn all of the ways we justify or nullify what we wish to eat, is it not? I’ve been calorie counting for a few days out of curiosity on just how much I’m actually eating. It’s much lower than I guessed, though nowhere near what would trigger a ‘starvation’ response, fairly nutritious, and it makes me even MORE crazy in my crazy moments – because I feel that I am slowly putting on weight again. Hmm. Could be hormonal, or lack of exercise from the flu weeks. But good news is I’m not TOO crazy and willing to see what happens. Done with the counting now I’ve found out where I’m hitting naturally. I have noticed I do fluctuate quite a bit – and even did when I was on the straight and narrow with WW. If I’m right, then my weight will adjust down in a week or so. I’ll have to put myself on the bravery report for being chill at the moment. Glad you liked the new feature, I thought it might be a fun way to get more voices on the show (besides Moi) and to have some more moments that weren’t all about weight per se. xoxoxox

      Reply
      1. Dawny

        I’m so glad to hear that you found good news with your stint of tracking are counting. I’m also very glad to know that I didn’t trigger you or you felt compelled to continue doing it into a compulsive way. I’m kind of lost right now in my head. I feel like I’ve been putting the pedal to the grindstone but I’m getting nowhere. My weight is maintaining within 5 pounds and has been for several months. Part of me feels like there’s some ways to tighten things up other parts thinks I’m doing good. Then there’s I don’t want to change anything I am fine am doing well in a moderate way. And then low and behold the story of why do I want to lose weight anyway. Because someone thinks I should. The national bmi standard and so on. Same stuff. Some days certainly are better than others.
        It’s been a sure hungrier few days for me as well. That’s not helping. *sigh*

        One day at a time.

        Reply
        1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

          I think the best news about the tracking was it didn’t bother me much. But I was disappointed that I wasn’t eating more. To be staying the same or gaining on THAT small number of calories was discouraging. But I can’t change how my body reacts. All I can do is to eat as well as I can and not head back to the diet mentality that fuels my compulsions. A very hard tightrope. I had a great phone call with Alen Standish yesterday that cheered me up, so I CAN feel happy without feeling thin. Hooray! I also got back to practicing my voice exercises and see some improvements there. I tell you Dawny, there are some days I just don’t know if I am coming or going. Thanks for posting, many of the regulars are busy or off doing things and it’s a tough time for me to be here alone with the crickets. BUT good news there too. I have grown enough to know it’s not a reflection of me, so I don’t feel like I did something wrong, just sorry not to have more interaction at the moment. It’s cool that you have been maintaining, I think that is pretty awesome. How much lighter would YOU like to be, if there was no BMI or society loved EVERY size and shape and it made no difference. That’s one I’m wrestling with too. This size is not my own ideal, but it is better than going back to what I used to do to get thin. Still a big puzzle. But I do have faith that I will work it out, and I bet you will too. xoxoxoxox

          Reply
  2. dawny

    I hope the day is/does/will treats you as lovely as you are!!!!

    I woke to some foot pain in an odd sense, telling me that….. the orthotics are NOT fixing the issue, and it may infact be bunion stuff *sigh* tis my story eh? Itโ€™s a tossup between plantar fasciitis or bunions..

    Had a rough eating evening.. not sure.. I mean, I am sure, I KNOW what happened, I bought pizzeria take & bake pizza for my family, and for me.. I made my own and picked at the bought pizza, and should’ve just known I wanted the bought pizza, had it and moved along.. but yes.. indeed, it’s tracked, and I KNOW, but that’s not the point, it doesn’t help the way I feel, tho today is a NEW day..

    Tuesday evening I did make it until 8pm awake and NOT being too mean to anyone, so there’s that.. really strategizing in my mind how im going to change things up to make life better.. things get pretty yucky at my house in the evenings, I get tired early and grumpy and basically thereโ€™s no other way to say it.. just plain MEAN.. I need either a mini nap as soon as I get home, or something.. going to toy around with it

    My friend asked me why/how the pizza issue happened and why I didnโ€™t just have some pizza with my family..
    I only do the flat out pizza because it’s what ive done for 10 years, I’d probably have been just as well off getting a thin crust pizza, having 2 or even 3 slices of it and yah, not thinking I avoid having it because i’d eat 10 slices because my diet mentality brain would kick in and it says whoa pony what the hell are you doing here.. plus, im sure 2 or 3 slices with salad would be just as (if not more) filling/satiating as the flat out pizza, AND mentally satisfying that I wouldnt need/want much more..
    my appetite has shrunken quite a bit..
    don’t get me wrong, I can eat some food, and volumes lol but not 3-4x a day lol and i do get fuller faster and when im listening and paying attention I can move on.

    lately ive been eating 3 squares, maybe a snack if i was trying to wait for ted, or if my dinner was early and I needed a little something before bed.. it’s been working good, not so much food focus/thoughts, and seeming like or feeling like im eating all day.. like every 2 hours.. I have found that eating a substantial meal (maybe a little more than where I was trying to ‘stop’ when trying to monitor hunger) It satiates me and keeps me for 4 or so hours.. as opposed to wait til your hungry, eat just enough then in 2 hours all you can think about is food/eating again.. If that makes any sense to you..

    Ive been having a hearty breakfast, lunch and dinner.. some-days if I wake so hungry i’ll have a small banana and 7 almonds pre-wog-a-bout, but not always, and some days i get hungry between meals and will have some fruit, or veggies with hummus/salsa.. I have been really ‘rolling’ with it more and not worrying soooo toooo much.. more like the way you do weight watchers.. make good choices most of the time, but enjoy what im eating etc..
    I do still have the diet mentality lurking deep within me and it rears it’s ugly head..

    but as I start getting full, and know that im full, as in the bite in my mouth is enough, I have been still eatin the last bites, and although this is past what ‘intuitive guidelines’ recomend for me it’s what works, keeps me from feeling deprived, or like i had to waste, go without, throw away (or save so it talks to me) food, PLUS gives me that mental AND physical satiety to hold me thru for like 4-5 hours, not just a couple..
    I too have gotten WAAAAY more in touch with how much food i need.. and am not so apt to make too much

    some days are obviously as you know more hungry and/or less hungry, and I just have been dealing.. yay me.. progress..

    I don’t forage for food anymore.. as a normal routine, it has happened a time or two.. and I don’t wake up to eat either.. I have woken 1x in the last Id say month and I was truly hungry so I ate.. but it was a snack, not foraging or junky standing at the fridge.. and when I did wake up in the morning it was awhile til I was hungry

    Im finding myself thinking/obsessing about food way less now, and I can always tell when Im really hungry even if I don’t have body sensation as in my stomach, I get ‘hangry’ when things start to annoy/irritate me, I tend to get a panicky feeling out of nowhere, AND I start having food thoughts/cravings.. it’s interesting what ive learned about myself in the last couple months, things i really didn’t think were possible truthfully..

    but I do still find myself trying to squeeze into diet thinking more often than not.. working on it.. just like the pizza situation.. and im almost challenging myself right now..
    Tuesday is $10 pizza at Papa murphy’s so weve been trying to do that.. Next Tuesday.. i need to just eat pizza with my family .. gives me a bit of anxiety thinking.. but it really is the right answer and will eliminate what happened last night.

    The last 2 evenings were both good non mean evenings.. LOL I was tired and grumpy tuesday but made it a point to be moderate to everyone and did not erupt once. LOL..

    Yesterday was great, right when I got off work I went into the little on-site gym before even leaving and did some strength, yay, that’s done.. stopped at the store for some stuff, and then came home and made my meal. there were lots of chores, and stuff I NEEDED to do, however, I did practice self care FIRST, feeding myself , letting the rest wait, OH EM GEE. what a difference! I embraced the chores in a better spirit, got them done better/faster, and did stuff and felt busy and awake.. ha.. My husband got home I sat and visited while he ate, I was not hungry, it was hard, because i wanted to pick and nibble but I just chatted, then we went for a froyo treat..

    I think part of the key is the down time for me, and eating not trying to wait, when you eat breakfast at 5a, lunch 10a-11a-ish, 3-4p-ish is dinner time LOL, it made a HUGE difference.. at least.. yesterday.. I usually just get home and stress out about everything that needs done and basically erupt into a disaster then I get sooo hungry and eat and then sit and get sleepy and MEAN.. hmmmm.. HANGRY is causing me a LOT of issues im finding.. so a KEY for ME is to NOT do that to myself..

    Thanks for being here and just giving a listen.. phew. That was a lot, but it needs to get out..

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Hi Dawny, I’m glad you are discovering all of these new things about yourself! For myself, I would always have a little bit of the real thing and try never to eat anything I don’t like. Even if I order in a restaurant, if I don’t like it, I order something different. I think it is still hard to separate the emotional from the physical, but as you said, there are times when I know darn well I’m eating when I’ve already had the ‘done’ signal. It is all a process, isn’t it. Hope you have a fab weekend and can find some good fun and satisfying food there too. xoxoxoxox

      Reply

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