Aha! Dawny Nails It for Me – My Problem is Perfectionism – My Solution is Tiger

My orange cat Tiger walks determinedly across the top of the sofa with my sheer green curtains billowing behind him
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Tiger KNOWS what he wants. He FEELS his needs and goes for them! Right now he wants to knead my chest and purr for me. I guess he wants to comfort me and get some comfort for himself. It’s a good lesson in instinct and trusting your heart.

What the F is going on?!

My last show and my last blog posts were all about my MISERY that I have this progression problem. When I’m a newbie, everything is hunky dory and I thrive and succeed AND I’m a happy camper. THEN once I start to internalize expections required to accomplish said task WELL (any task at all), then I FREEZE, get miserable and usually dump said task and/or project no matter how much I wanted to do it.

And the latest recipient of my obsessive worry and imminent drive to give it up was Voice Acting.

My underlying lack of confidence was playing havoc with my ability to even try at home. Even at HOME! What, as Cheryl said in her comment about that show, a pickle! This made me sad enough and frustrated enough to binge as I haven’t binged in YEARS! Of course, Voice Acting wasn’t the only murky trigger in the mix, but it was the major player.

For all of my usual ability to self-analyze myself TO DEATH, the whole “I start off great and THEN FAIL” was a puzzle.

Then Dawny posted this comment on the show notes page of Day 106 – my binge confession – er podcast episode:

…I too hate how we find something that’s to be fun, but because of our addictive compulsive personalities, we become obsessed, and it becomes something other than what it was intended to be, or started out as …

I Was blind but now I see!

AHA! Dawny is a GENIUS and nailed my problem. It all made sense…it all fell into place. This ‘Progression’ was REALLY perfectionism. When I didn’t know what was expected of me, I was able to enjoy and experience the moments of any project or activity. But the MINUTE my obsessive brain internalized expectation – LOOK OUT! It is like an endless super computer of criticism went on constant alert for the slightest flaw or breaking of the rules.

How could I POSSIBLY ENJOY ANYTHING in that state? No WONDER I gave up stuff left and right. It wasn’t because I’m a failure, it’s to stop the damned critical voice and the FEELING of failure it gave me.

Remember those KINDLY robot aliens?

I have always said the Robot Aliens are there to help me, not hurt me. (Even though this latest visit was physical overkill imho). Well they came to the rescue again! Not only did they move my obsessive mind AWAY from VOICE ACTING and onto worry about bingeing and telling you about it, yada yada yada, they made me PHYSICALLY unable to perform. I cannot do voice work on a full tummy. It gets in the way of my breath control. An overfull gut of this magnitude is like having a boulder in your pants pressing on the diaphragm.

Hence problem “solved”.

No voice acting, no nagging voice, no worries….

Robot Aliens, you GOT IT WRONG!

…except I WANT TO DO VOICE ACTING! You kindly robot aliens saved me from the wrong thing!

So now, we all know, the robot aliens are actually part of my subconscious. This means I need to retrain my subconscious to accept trying, to cut me slack, to allow me to feel, to know that stumbles ARE NOT F-ING LIFE THREATENING!

Tiger to the Rescue

There is no better meditation then a Tiger on your Tummy! Now I can seek out more help to calm my mind.

Experience the #ZenJoy of #Tigerthecat #purr #CatMassage Thanks for the 😻

A post shared by Laurie Weaver (@lauriedreamweaver) on

Helpful quotes I Found Following my Calming Cat Massage

From Ann Smith, author of Overcoming Perfectionism: Finding the Key to Balance & Self-Acceptance

Slow down.

Do this right now,” she said. “Walk slower, talk slower, be slower about accomplishing what’s on your list. Act like there is no hurry to get there. Perfectionists are always thinking, ‘After I get this done then I will breathe,’ and they never get around to it because there’s always something else to do.

From Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D on his article On Being A Perfectionist from the blog at MentalHelp.net

Excellence is attainable because, be definition, it allows for the fact that we will fall short of perfection. Excellence presumes that we are doing the best we can do on a project. In fact, excellence presumes that we are trying hard to do even better than we may have done in previous efforts.

Because excellence is attainable, there is motivation in that direction. A job well done feels really good. That good feeling does not necessarily come from the praise of others, but from an inner feeling of satisfaction.

To borrow an old saying, the perfectionist is like the “person who cannot see the forest for the trees.” In other words, there this is an individual who becomes so focused on the tiny details that they forget that there is a purpose to what they are doing. That is why some perfectionists become procrastinators.

Filled with so much anxiety about having to do every little detail to perfection they become discouraged about ever starting their project.

The Result

Yesterday, not only was I able to rehearse and record my animation character for voice acting, I was able to listen to all of my recordings as feedback and change my performance choices when I felt they needed it to bring more to the character. I KNOW that my acting is not perfect. I will get much feedback from my coach, David. But I feel really good about what I will bring to my take. I feel like I made an effort to STOP making such an effort, and to be like Tiger, focused on what I want to share with the audience, not on how I’m going to get there.

Comments box:

10 thoughts on “Aha! Dawny Nails It for Me – My Problem is Perfectionism – My Solution is Tiger

  1. Carol

    What Tiger is doing there is called “making biscuits” in my house. He’s adorable and I just love orangey’s, I’ve got 2 myself. Indulging in cat therapy is a good coping skill. I do it often. πŸ˜‰

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Making biscuits,that’s cute! Yep Tiger IS my therapy cat for sure. Whenever I feel ‘no body loves me’ I just need 5 minutes with Tiger to see what nonsense that is. xoxoxoxoxox PS my favorite book is called Orlando the Marmalade Cat. I read it every time I went to the library from about age 6-16.

      Reply
  2. Dave

    Hi I just discovered your pod cast on Stitcher. I’m listening from episode 1 after 2 days I’m at 7, I shared it with my wife and she is hooked also. I would like to comment on some of your old old casts however they say closed, so I don’t know if that is an option. I hope to catch up before to long.

    Dave

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Hi Dave, welcome! Can you provide more detail on where you wish to comment where it says closed? I just checked out both of my blog’s settings and they allow comments without time restriction. If you got to my first site on wordpress.com, then that one has been closed for a couple of years. If Stitcher closes old shows for comment there, I don’t know that I have control over that. Welcome again, and thanks SO much for taking the time to comment. I will answer some of your other comments tomorrow AM when I am updating the site.

      The two active are: DailyAdventureTales.com (my first show) and CompusliveOvereatingDiary.com (my current show)

      Reply
  3. Dawny

    So awesome and glad youve for now found peace solace AND VERY IMPORTANTLY some acceptance of your great abilities dear laurie =~}

    Hiya Dave. =~} I used to listen thru stitcher as well and had the same issue =~\ I’ve since graduated to i-tunes lol but visit compulsive eating directly for my commentaries. Lol

    Reply
  4. Cassie

    Thanks Laurie and Dawny and of course the gorgeous Tiger for all of your deeply touching insights. I’m chewing all this over and trying to resolve some of my own issues with perfectionism. Gonna be a long hike.

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Cassie, the secret to ALL hiking, is to be sure and enjoy the scenery along the way. Same for emotional hiking. Otherwise it all gets too overwhelming for me. Remember, all those binge listeners to my shows hear everything all at once, but I experienced everything day by day. xoxoxoxox

      Reply
  5. Cheryl

    So my question is, now that you KNOW the why and wherefore of the binge, do you think you’ll be able to spot it comin’ next time? It’s like having one big puzzle piece though, isn’t it…

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      I answered on Day 107! Bottom line, no. If the binge is based on the same emotions, I will now probably be aware. But my binges are primarily subconscious so new ones always take me by surprise. The reduction in binges comes for me in that I have ‘brought to the surface’ so many of the underlying issues, that binges cannot keep them suppressed, hence they aren’t triggered by those events and feelings very much. xoxoxox

      Reply

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