Tada! Inside the closed sound curtains, I have a fully functional voice over recording space (as long as the dogs next door don’t bark, the wild parrots don’t fly overhead and Mark doesn’t flush the downstairs john)!
Take the GREAT with the bad
Well let’s get the bad out of the way. I didn’t get the voice acting job I auditioned for back at the ranch. Now, on to the GREAT! It didn’t phase me. I felt I’d done as well as I could in the circumstances. Circumstances being:
- My current voice acting skill
- The type of audition needed
- My topsy-turvy studio space as Mark and I were in the middle of construction.
I was really only worried about BC Sandy as she provided the opportunity for me to submit the audition and as my friend, I didn’t want her to be embarrassed or feel funny about delivering bad news to me about the clients’ choice of voice actor. Part of my Zen is I don’t believe my audition embarrassed her and I had assured her prior that I was fine either way. She delivered said news that their choice went elsewhere and I moved on without a blink. Wow! It wasn’t an arrow to my heart, I didn’t feel badly about myself, I didn’t obsess about what I ‘COULD HAVE DONE’ to make my read better. The voice I gave that day wasn’t as suited for the clients’ project as another voice. End of story. It’s the end of many, if not most voice acting audition stories, especially at my level. So I got one under my belt yay!
The Sound Space is Complete
Hooray! Mark and I finished all of the construction of the sound blanket installation and all of the horrible clean up of same. I couldn’t be more happy with the result.
If you listened to that short clip, you can hear that there is very little reverberation in the sound – and this is a cheap mic, that really doesn’t enhance my voice. And even with this cheap mic, it is still a viable sound. Wow!
But what I REALLY love is I didn’t lose my guest room or my closet.
I’ve ordered my first higher end mic and related excellent cables etc. It should arrive in a week or so. So I’ll start practicing with that and find the best way to enhance my voice with it. Good mics are tricky because they reveal ALL of your mouth and air issues too. Takes awhile to get a good technique. Next I’ll begin working with my coach to develop as a commercial voice and begin planning my first commercial demo. Then I will hit the bricks auditioning. This may take a few weeks or months or years. But my path is plain as day to me. I see the end result. I WILL be a working voice actor. I actually can touch it, it is that real to me.
How this relates to weight and compulsive eating
The last time I had this sure feeling was when I stepped on the WW scale years ago at 283 and just KNEW I’d hit goal. That number didn’t even phase me. (Rather like this latest audition bump). I could SEE my thin self, I KNEW this time out of many tries would result in success. Nothing got to me the in the long view over the two years it took for me to lose 130 pounds. Now I’m not talking about the emotional pitfalls and exercise bulimia that also featured here, but rather the steady state of belief that told me I WOULD DO IT.
I’ve tried other times to whip this belief up – especially when I was going for the Body for Life champion title. (Waving at Dianne the Champion here). But no matter how many times I tried, I couldn’t MAKE myself have that belief.
Belief isn’t magic
I’ll say it again. Belief isn’t magic. You can’t Ohm your way into making your goals. BUT if you can stay steady on your course, whatever it is, and become Zen about the outcome of the small steps. Learn your lessons and not let them lessen who you are inside. If you can appreciate and value the small victories, you can build a sense of true confidence. I find too, that this belief is especially powerful when it resonates with your heart, your inner voice, God, or as you experience your higher spirit. It’s true passion from the inside. It doesn’t overcome you from the blue like lighting. It’s built.
Ok Laurie, that makes NO SENSE about WW. Yes it does! My weight loss was necessary for where I am today. I needed to know I was worth it. I needed to know I COULD do it. I needed to wear my tiara and banner that said at goal.
It changed me, that experience. Because in the WW room, they let me give a small talk about what I’d learned every time I lost 5 pounds. I was SO motivated. Not for the 5 pounds, but for the speaking. It was the first time an audience looked forward to hearing what I had to say about my own thoughts, and not from me preparing and teaching a subject. I thrived so on those snippets. It was the start of the letting go segments I do now. I would think for a second, “What have I learned during the loss of THESE 5 pounds” and turn it into a 5 minute talk for the group. And so many members told me over the years how much they valued these talks. At first, I felt I was taking the spotlight and I was needy and it was pathetic that I enjoyed it so. But my WW leader was one of the best motivators ever. She knew this was motivating for me, and that the group was strengthened, not hurt by my thoughts. It was also why I despaired when after two more years, the weight started to return. You can read my weight story for more about that
Now that I consider it, the worse thing wasn’t regaining weight, it was that I stopped my true voice. I felt I didn’t deserve to tell anybody anything from my heart. I was no longer successful. I was no longer worthy. I had dropped the ball of opportunity. That failure was pervasive. And when you are convinced in your bones that you are a failure, it is HARD to whip up the core sense of belief in yourself.
That’s why I think it is necessary for me to experience the lessons of intuitive eating. I need to separate my life from my weight and my experience with food. When I started the show, you accepted me when I most felt like a failure. As I continued, many of you accepted me when I stopped losing weight. Then as I moved into thinking more about singing and writing and voice acting than about recipes or extra calories burned, you still came along for the ride. That encouraged me to wave good-bye to needing your support to take the next step. I stepped into my own belief about myself. It’s like you were the parents taking me to preschool where I learned who I was apart. Now I have a vision for my future that is rounded and full. It includes many things besides my weight. I don’t ignore my weight, nor what I eat, but I’m not ruled by it. It’s a part of who I am, not all that I am. And today, a big part of who I am is a voice actor – because that is who you helped me see in the mirror. The teller of stories, the voice that communicates, the brave one who shrugs off the bumps and embraces the lesson. You saw that and now I see that too. Thank You!