Belief Isn’t Magic – But It’s Powerful

Recording equipment inside the drawn sound blankets.
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Tada! Inside the closed sound curtains, I have a fully functional voice over recording space (as long as the dogs next door don’t bark, the wild parrots don’t fly overhead and Mark doesn’t flush the downstairs john)!

Take the GREAT with the bad

Well let’s get the bad out of the way. I didn’t get the voice acting job I auditioned for back at the ranch. Now, on to the GREAT! It didn’t phase me. I felt I’d done as well as I could in the circumstances. Circumstances being:

  1. My current voice acting skill
  2. The type of audition needed
  3. My topsy-turvy studio space as Mark and I were in the middle of construction.

I was really only worried about BC Sandy as she provided the opportunity for me to submit the audition and as my friend, I didn’t want her to be embarrassed or feel funny about delivering bad news to me about the clients’ choice of voice actor. Part of my Zen is I don’t believe my audition embarrassed her and I had assured her prior that I was fine either way. She delivered said news that their choice went elsewhere and I moved on without a blink. Wow! It wasn’t an arrow to my heart, I didn’t feel badly about myself, I didn’t obsess about what I ‘COULD HAVE DONE’ to make my read better. The voice I gave that day wasn’t as suited for the clients’ project as another voice. End of story. It’s the end of many, if not most voice acting audition stories, especially at my level. So I got one under my belt yay!

The Sound Space is Complete

Hooray! Mark and I finished all of the construction of the sound blanket installation and all of the horrible clean up of same. I couldn’t be more happy with the result.

Here, check out the sound test I sent David, my coach once the sound curtains were up.

If you listened to that short clip, you can hear that there is very little reverberation in the sound – and this is a cheap mic, that really doesn’t enhance my voice. And even with this cheap mic, it is still a viable sound. Wow!

But what I REALLY love is I didn’t lose my guest room or my closet.

Open sound curtains near window showing the ceiling track

The track on the ceiling operates like hospital curtains – even though these are sound absorbing blankets. A bonus is that I can still open my window easily.

Bed and guest room revealed when sound curtains are open

You can see with the sound curtains open and if I clear out my equipment, guests can still repose at our house. Cool beans! I didn’t lose my guest room or access to my closet. It’s a miracle!

What’s Next?

I’ve ordered my first higher end mic and related excellent cables etc. It should arrive in a week or so. So I’ll start practicing with that and find the best way to enhance my voice with it. Good mics are tricky because they reveal ALL of your mouth and air issues too. Takes awhile to get a good technique. Next I’ll begin working with my coach to develop as a commercial voice and begin planning my first commercial demo. Then I will hit the bricks auditioning. This may take a few weeks or months or years. But my path is plain as day to me. I see the end result. I WILL be a working voice actor. I actually can touch it, it is that real to me.

How this relates to weight and compulsive eating

The last time I had this sure feeling was when I stepped on the WW scale years ago at 283 and just KNEW I’d hit goal. That number didn’t even phase me. (Rather like this latest audition bump). I could SEE my thin self, I KNEW this time out of many tries would result in success. Nothing got to me the in the long view over the two years it took for me to lose 130 pounds. Now I’m not talking about the emotional pitfalls and exercise bulimia that also featured here, but rather the steady state of belief that told me I WOULD DO IT.

I’ve tried other times to whip this belief up – especially when I was going for the Body for Life champion title. (Waving at Dianne the Champion here). But no matter how many times I tried, I couldn’t MAKE myself have that belief.

Belief isn’t magic

I’ll say it again. Belief isn’t magic. You can’t Ohm your way into making your goals. BUT if you can stay steady on your course, whatever it is, and become Zen about the outcome of the small steps. Learn your lessons and not let them lessen who you are inside. If you can appreciate and value the small victories, you can build a sense of true confidence. I find too, that this belief is especially powerful when it resonates with your heart, your inner voice, God, or as you experience your higher spirit. It’s true passion from the inside. It doesn’t overcome you from the blue like lighting. It’s built.

Ok Laurie, that makes NO SENSE about WW. Yes it does! My weight loss was necessary for where I am today. I needed to know I was worth it. I needed to know I COULD do it. I needed to wear my tiara and banner that said at goal.

Laurie In her sparkly blue goal dress.

After two years of hard focus, work, support from friends, AND exercise bulimia I’m at my goal of 153. I stayed here one day total. Then maintained 159 for a couple of years. I was 42. I’m holding my “before photo” of me at 3. I don’t really believe in before and after photos, because as long as we breathe we are changing.

It changed me, that experience. Because in the WW room, they let me give a small talk about what I’d learned every time I lost 5 pounds. I was SO motivated. Not for the 5 pounds, but for the speaking. It was the first time an audience looked forward to hearing what I had to say about my own thoughts, and not from me preparing and teaching a subject. I thrived so on those snippets. It was the start of the letting go segments I do now. I would think for a second, “What have I learned during the loss of THESE 5 pounds” and turn it into a 5 minute talk for the group. And so many members told me over the years how much they valued these talks. At first, I felt I was taking the spotlight and I was needy and it was pathetic that I enjoyed it so. But my WW leader was one of the best motivators ever. She knew this was motivating for me, and that the group was strengthened, not hurt by my thoughts. It was also why I despaired when after two more years, the weight started to return. You can read my weight story for more about that

Now that I consider it, the worse thing wasn’t regaining weight, it was that I stopped my true voice. I felt I didn’t deserve to tell anybody anything from my heart. I was no longer successful. I was no longer worthy. I had dropped the ball of opportunity. That failure was pervasive. And when you are convinced in your bones that you are a failure, it is HARD to whip up the core sense of belief in yourself.

Full Circle

That’s why I think it is necessary for me to experience the lessons of intuitive eating. I need to separate my life from my weight and my experience with food. When I started the show, you accepted me when I most felt like a failure. As I continued, many of you accepted me when I stopped losing weight. Then as I moved into thinking more about singing and writing and voice acting than about recipes or extra calories burned, you still came along for the ride. That encouraged me to wave good-bye to needing your support to take the next step. I stepped into my own belief about myself. It’s like you were the parents taking me to preschool where I learned who I was apart. Now I have a vision for my future that is rounded and full. It includes many things besides my weight. I don’t ignore my weight, nor what I eat, but I’m not ruled by it. It’s a part of who I am, not all that I am. And today, a big part of who I am is a voice actor – because that is who you helped me see in the mirror. The teller of stories, the voice that communicates, the brave one who shrugs off the bumps and embraces the lesson. You saw that and now I see that too. Thank You!

xoxoxxoxoxo

Comments box:

4 thoughts on “Belief Isn’t Magic – But It’s Powerful

  1. Fionna

    Wow, Laurie, much of what you wrote hits so close to home I barely know what to say. So, I guess I’ll just say I am so happy for you and so proud of how far you’ve come. I know you’ve had many doubts about your potential as a voice actor, which makes what you wrote here about your belief in yourself even more inspiring. We CAN get there if we work hard and BELIEVE.

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Thanks Fionna, off now to see my FAV musical, Phantom of the Opera. I was thinking as I wrote this post, Wow, Fionna can come visit AND/OR record now! LOL. More when I return. Wow! The new staging of Phantom was awesome to see, though I have to admit liking some of the original better. However, the music still sublime, I still have a soft spot for the Phantom vs. Raul (guess I like the bad boys – dang, why did he have to be a killer and not just a tortured soulful artist?) Anyway, it was sooooo cool. And just think of all that YOUR music of the day can do. It sends shivers. xoxoxoxox

      Reply
  2. dawny

    I have to say
    “what Fiona said”
    WOWSA, so crazy how we all relate the same thinklings!

    Sorry that you didn’t get the job in a compassionate gal pal way, tho Im not ‘sorry’ because it’s giving you an opportunity to ‘accept not getting the job’ and learnings.. and and and so much! from the Experience! it just wasn’t meant to be, it’s simple as that, and it’s their loss really because your GREAT in every way!

    I love feeling thru what you’ve written in this post, at a time much needed for me, in my journey to find myself, where I feel I am RIGHT NOW in this phase/journey/step/place of my life, and digging DEEP to find WHAT Dawny REALLY wants/needs/feels etc. It’s NOT an easy thing/place to be/feel/do for certain, and I second guess, self doubt, over-think a lot of decisions/thinklings, and am trying to make peace with myself, thoughts, feelings

    one step at a time

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Thanks Dawny, I’m really surprised at how cool I am with it. I truly think I have more to learn and do before I hit demo and audition time, but I’m proud I didn’t say no to the chance. Glad you are still wrangling with what YOU really want. I’m starting to look at my eating again, as I have been letting more and more automatic behavior in again. Think it’s stress. But I’m starting to view food choices further and further away from diet mentality, so I’m hopeful that in future I MAY be able to have my cake and my skinner jeans too – though, it may be a long way down the road. I’m still shocked at how much I have to learn and reprogram. I’m used to being a quick study, but this subject (moi) is too complex for the easy answers I was used to on the diet road. So patience, kindness without wearing blinders is how I describe my approach these days. Going to feature your half marathon on our new feature, the BC Bravery Sports Report! Hope you enjoy it xoxoxoxo

      Reply

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