Ep 0011 – Disappointment, Expectations and Dealing with the Compulsion to Stuff them Down

Laurie lies on her back on a bench at the top of the hiking trail
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I’m so glad to be at my upper Zen place in the shade. Hot, Sweaty, hike today!
Beautiful canopy of trees against the sky

The view from laying on one’s back on the bench at my top of the trail Zen place

Podcast Recap

I struggle up the mountain to my upper Zen place to emotionally pull the plug on my other podcast, Daily Adventure Tales, deal with the internal fall-out, and muse about expectations, disappointments and dealing with the compulsion to cover them with food. Also, I give a shout-out to the supporters of Compulsive Overeating Diary and remember painful times from my past.

Mentioned

Episodes from Daily Adventure Tales

Good-bye

Christmas

Laurie’s Christmas Poem

Halloween

Farmers’ Market

Jane’s Barn

Leave your comments, questions, feelings and stories on Laurie’s podcast voicemail hotline – 206-350-6445.

Credits

Host: Laurie Weaver

Main Theme: I’m Letting Go by Josh Woodward from The Simple Life Part 1

I’m Letting Go (Josh Woodward) / CC BY 3.0

Resource of the day

Effects, and memories, of being bullied stay a long, long time a super, well-written article by By Beth-Ann Bloom, in support of anti-bullying legislation in Minnesota. If you were bullied, take a moment and read this. So true how the effects last forever.
Comments box:

18 thoughts on “Ep 0011 – Disappointment, Expectations and Dealing with the Compulsion to Stuff them Down

  1. Ava

    Well, Laurie, you really blew me away with podcast #11. Talking about things that have not gone the way we thought they would… my entire life did not turn out as I expected, but, I have to honour my commitments and deal with it the way it is. I don’t complain about it, I just suck it up and move on. Thus, the inner turmoil I struggle through on a daily basis. And frequently food is my comfort zone. So, I’m so very glad to have found someone who is dealing with the same thoughts and feelings I experience every day. Please keep posting, I am listening.

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Ava, I think you’ve hit the nail on the head. I suck it up and suck it in via the food! Processing these emotions is so hard, and it doesn’t feel the best. But, I want to improve the quality of my life moving forward, so struggle through we do. Thanks for stopping by, it is good food for thought.

      Reply
  2. Sandy

    Hi Laurie,

    I just found your show a few days ago and I just want to say how much love and warmth I feel from your sincerity and authenticity. I am truly touched and feel like I am listening to a friend when I take you with me on my morning walks. I don’t have a long history of needing/wanting to loose weight, but find myself at nearly 51 at having gained almost 30 pounds in less than two years and feeling out of control. When you mentioned in an earlier podcast about Lays chips, I nearly fell flat out! I can see I have a problem brewing! But, I am taking some action, thanks to your inspiration and I plan on being a listener AND a participant. Good for you, Laurie, for all of your courage. You are not alone and neither are any of us.

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Wow! Welcome Sandy, I’m so thrilled to hear from you that you listen to the podcast on your walks! That is how I listen to all podcasts for the most part. And one big thing I was trying to accomplish when I decided to release these episodes live to the world, instead of as a personal journal, was to be like a friend on a walk. I’m also glad that you are a voice of one who put on a little weight later in life and can see the start of this struggle. There are many who fit your description, that are even more gob smacked since this is a brand new issue for them. You are right that for all of us, whatever our size, whatever our age, whatever the time and root of our issue, to have the support of brave companions on this road makes it a little easier to have courage in our own lives.

      Reply
      1. Sandy

        Thank you so much, Laurie, for your kind words and for acknowledging that there are others that are entering this world a little later in life. My partner and best friend are both compulsive overeaters and have both struggled with their weight for a long time. I find I don’t get as much of an “audience” to talk with my best friend around this issue as I think she sees me as being over-reactive and a bit silly. But that’s okay. Since I started listening to you and getting that virtual support, I have made some positive changes and have even lost a little more than a pound in a little over a week. It’s something in the right direction! Today I am really, really struggling to not eat something bad, salty, and crunchy, so I am writing to you instead. Again, thank you for taking your time to help your Brave Companions.

        Reply
        1. Maddy

          Good for you, Sandy. Writing instead of turning for food – it’s not easy when the urges are strong. I hope the rest of the day continues in this positive directions.

          Reply
          1. Sandy

            Thanks so much for the support, Maddy. I didn’t realize you had made such a nice comment until I heard Laurie mention it in the podcast! I had to come to the website right away to respond back. Ilike you, just sharing my potential moment of weakness was enough to keep me on track and to keep hopeful.

            I really appreciate your bravery for sharing your feelings and to learn how to accept “what is” and to make the best choices you can to find “what can be”. It may be cold where you are, but there is a lot of warmth inside you!

        2. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

          You’re so welcome and you will always find a safe and handy audience here, with us “Brave Companions”. We can’t assume the depth of another’s struggle by time, weight, age, money, anything. If you struggle with food your story is important here. Hugs.

          Reply
  3. Maddy

    Laurie,

    Many of the things you mentioned in podcast #11 really resonated with me. I’ll bet that most people struggling with overeating find it very difficult to deal with things that do not go as planned, and even struggle to a great extent. We can’t control the world around us but we can control what we put in our bodies and how we treat ourselves. That sense of control and acceptance is certainly a trigger for me. The idea that someone could not like me is horrifying. I try not to personalize negative energy from others as I have found 9/10 times that it was usually about them, not me. If people aren’t responding to your podcast it may be because they are scared to reveal themselves and may not be ready to admit their struggles. They too may be worried about the expectations as well.

    You are so very brave to put yourself out there to the world and share your vulnerabilities. I have been listening since podcast 1 (trying to get up to speed) and really noticed that your voice and your tone even sound different from the first recording. Even though you are dealing with the grief of your uncle and starting to realize that managing overeating is going to be a lifelong process – you sound hopeful and you give me hope.

    I came to the conclusion a few years ago that food and body image will always be a struggle – it’s an issue that runs in my family, my genetics, and probably the chemical make up of my brain. While I’m a good bit younger than you I do not feel pessimistic admitting that food will most likely always be a struggle. I think once we give ourselves permission to struggle we can then enjoy the good days and not beat ourselves up on the bad days by overeating, under eating, using exercise, etc. up when we are struggling emotionally.

    Well, this was a longer comment than I had originally expected. It felt good to write it all down just like it’s good to listen to your podcasts, relate to your struggles, and have a community that understand each other. Keep up the hard work!

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Maddy, what a wonderful post! I think I’m doing to read it on episode 25, because it really resonates with where I am today. You are correct that my confidence is growing as I am seeing success with my new approach. In the past, I separated dieting for weight-loss and emotionally working on what’s under bingeing for me. I literally had to separate my internal self to force myself to stick with a diet plan. And I could do it for a long, while. But this time, I’m actually doing both. I’m not really on a diet, except for aiming for a calorie range that I know is just below what I burn, sharing my true feelings both on this podcast (biggest success by far), and in my life as I become braver, and trying to live a bigger life than the one that contains just me and my food.

      Reply
  4. Sandy

    I’d like to share a couple of successes. Since I started becoming a Brave Companion, zi have made a few, yet significant, changes that are starting to show some results. I’ve lost 4 pounds, which in and of itself is not earth-shattering for the three weeks or so it has been, but I have started to get a sense of self-control and self-esteem that I have not experienced in a while. I have made better food choices more consistently and I now don’t feel “normal” unless I go on my 45 minutes power walk each morning. I am starting to feel the presence of my inner structure under the “fluff” and that feels great! Laurie, I thank you again for the support and I hope I can be there to help support you as well.

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Hi Sandy, that is wonderful! I actually think 4 pounds is pretty awesome for the time. I know, we’d all like 10 off in a week, but 4 off due to the lifestyle change and mind changes that you describe have a much better chance of staying off vs. the quick loss. I loved hearing this success and used it in episode 27. Just back from the mountain, so 27 may go live today, or tomorrow. I’m beat, but I feel sooooo good today. I slept well, I hiked in the brisk air this AM, met up with the cute hiking dog I love, and saw your success comment. I couldn’t feel happier if I won a Lotto. I’m especially thrilled about your regaining a sense of yourself outside of the eating issues. That’s the best outcome that there can be and I’m excited for you.

      Reply
      1. Sandy

        Laurie,

        Thanks SO much. I was actually on my power walk when I heard your shout out on Episode 27! I should have taken a picture of my smile! And an amazing thing is that my clothes that had previously “shrunk” are getting just a little bit longer. Hah! Wishing a great day to you and your other Brave Companions.

        Reply
  5. Suz

    Hi Laurie,
    well, this is the first of your podcasts that I took along on a WALK. That’s right, I actually proceeded across the landscape using my legs. Just a short walk, though, down a short trail away from the street. My sweet black kitty followed me the whole way and got to chase a few frogs.
    Thank you so much for your vulnerability. I relate SO much with the things you said. I have had such high expectations of people, and then…such low ones. I learned that being vulnerable or showing someone the “real” you, as you say, warts and all, is dangerous. And many people leave when you’re not “on.” And people sometimes go out of their way to be nasty even though you’ve done nothing more to provoke them to simply exist within their eyesight.
    I grew up in a town of 1600. Still live there. Been fat and fatter, and slim ONCE in high school. I know I was hungry and crabby and resentful, but I know people treated me differently. I know even my family treated me differently. Better. Some people still didn’t like me. But I thought maybe it was because I was weird or a band geek or a good student. Maybe it was because even though my body was shaped better, I was covered in acne from the PCOS. Can’t win’em all!
    But, I do understand the feeling of putting yourself out there, really out there, and feeling like you just hear crickets. I have always hated rejection, and always felt it. Nobody ever wanted to date me, let alone marry me. I’ve had people turn me down when I asked them to be my friend. It felt just as bad as an adult as it did on the playground in elementary school. You do learn to form that turtle shell and be skeptical of people’s motives (I was suddenly good enough to talk to if someone needed help with homework, or some artwork done gratis, etc.).
    I want you to know that you are the ONLY person…EVER…in my LIFE…that has responded to everything I have written. I mean, back in the days when I wrote actual letters on paper, and later, emails…most of my writings just seemed to go into the vortex and I didn’t get any feedback. I am simply amazed that you write back to me, when you have listeners all over the world.
    Oh, and that’s not expecting you to keep responding to everything. I don’t expect that, and like you said about listeners, even if you never wrote back to me again, I would still know you’re there and you care. You’ve convinced me! Haha.
    Still listening…
    I need to hurry up and listen faster or more often. Otherwise this will be kind of like the movie The Lake House and you will be forever be in the future while I’m stuck in the past!
    🙂
    ~suz

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Hi Suz! I am so SUPER PROUD of you for taking a walk! That is wonderful, for you and the dear little kitty too. Once, long ago, I lived in an apartment complex in the country, far from roads, built around a duck pond nestled among trees and grassy meadows. My tabby cat, Ollie used to go for walks with me as would any doggie. I loved to feed the ducks and watch Ollie scamper along the pond edge. It was my favorite place ever. Now my poor cats can only go out in harnesses, because of the speeding cars by our house and the coyotes down from the hills. The drought and over building have forced many of the wild life from my mountains, down into our neighborhoods.

      But enough of that, I want you to know that your letter touched my heart, and I am a HUGE fan of your writing. Even how you said you took a walk,

      That’s right, I actually proceeded across the landscape using my legs

      tickled me mightily. I relate to what you describe and hope that you will find brave companions in life who will appreciate the wonderful qualities you have to offer. For sure, you have found a good group here to share with. We all care. I am so lucky to have accidentally found my talent. I guess I’m just really good at talking out loud about feelings and food. No guidance counselor would have given me THAT career advice. I do try also to answer when people are kind enough to spend their time writing to me, but you are right, that as more listeners and participants are arriving, it gets harder to keep up. So dear Suz, if I ever miss one of your wonderful comments, please know it was that, and not that I didn’t enjoy it, think about it, and appreciate your wit, heart and style.

      xoxoxoxox

      Reply
  6. Lisa

    I just found your podcast about a week ago and I’m listening, one by one, to every episode in order. I’m dealing with the actualization that I have binge eating disorder as well as compulsive overeating disorder. I have been this way my whole life, tried it all, yada yada. I truly enjoy his podcast and your raw, candid feelings and thoughts. However, I feel like you place too much emphasis on people commenting. It sounds like you have a loyal following. I wish you were able to channel your feelings of validation from your mere listener numbers. I know you want to build this community but I think people tend to listen to podcasts for the listening aspect, in much the same way as we listen to NPR or other talk radio…or watch a series of TV shows (often times many at a time with the ease of Netflix!). What I’m trying to say is your podcast work is great and obviously very helpful to many (myself included!) but please don’t base our enjoyment and appreciation of what you’re doing on comments. KNOW that if people are listening, THAT is your measure of success. 🙂 I look forward to listening to all the rest of your episodes! Blessings, Lisa

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Hi Lisa, I caught your comment just as I was running out the door to record day 102! I laugh and agree with your assessment of my need for listener validation. That is just one of MANY issues I’ve transparently dealt with over the year that I’ve done this show. My one agreement was to tell my listeners what I ACTUALLY feel, and being dependent on external validation is just one of my themes that cause stumbling blocks to living an authentic life. I wish I could tell you that you wouldn’t have to listen to THAT particular rant or moan as you move through the shows again, but I’d be lying! I have success, stumbles, I’m bitchy, I’m funny, I’m nice, I’m all kinds of things. I’m so happy that you stopped by to share YOUR truths and your feelings. I truly appreciate it and look forward to getting to know you better. Also, would you be comfortable if I greet you by name in an upcoming show and read your comment? Let me know, and thanks again for your thoughts and support.
      PS, at the time you are now listening, my show didn’t have much in the way of download numbers – it still doesn’t in the large scheme of podcasts. What it does have is a very interactive audience. And my first show’s numbers, even as an archived show, whoops the butt of this one in downloads, but it didn’t make ME feel fulfilled. I realized about myself that I love to tell stories, but even more so, I like the conversation. I also enjoy very much when the listeners interact with one another and I have no part of it. Community and feeling understood was a big need for me. So I admit that if all user interaction dried up and my podcast downloads went THROUGH the roof, I would probably not be motivated to put in the time and work needed to do the show. But that is me, not all podcasters feel that way. Everything I say is from my point of view and intended to share my feelings as true for me. I realize that all people have their own truth and their own point of view, and that’s ok with me now. That fact is one that I’m very proud of, as it took much work and therapy to crack that egg! Blessings right back,
      -L

      Reply

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