Ep 0132 – Learning to Be Grateful to Ourselves

Laurie smiling in her straw hat with the sun shining down on the hiking trail.
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Smiling and feeling fine on the trail to the next to top Zen Space.

Podcast Recap

It’s a happy hike back up to the next to upper Zen Space where I let go of ingratitude to my own self! An exercise to increase gratitude. I play my Pig Whistle to wish BC Sandy a very happy birthday. Dawny does a whole set of awesome Springtime Foolish Fun. Comments by Dawny, Sandy, and Rabbit (love that name) about the last show. A comment of Rabbit’s sparks an idea. Should we have a BC reading list? BC Mary S. saves the day by letting me know about a comments glitch, which I was able to fix. Mary S also wants to know if we BCs are more prone to having a creative side. What do you think? I have a surprising reaction to a couple of compliments. Are we internalizing ageism and sizeism?
Laurie playing a ceramic whistle that is shaped like a pig

Here I am playing Happy Birthday to Sandy on the pig in my studio-guest room. My mic is in front of me right now and I’m recording the song for day 132.

Mentioned

Last show and comments

Dawny’s Last Joke

Day 83 – The Show BC Mary S. was trying to post on about creativity. What do YOU think? Are people with eating issues prone to creativity? What’s your creativity?

Ways to send audio to the show for Foolish Fun, Laurie’s Stories etc.

Laurie’s Weight Story and Photo Page

Ways to support the show financially

Credits

Host: Laurie Weaver
Pig Player: Laurie Weaver
Foolish Fun Announcer: Mark Weaver
Foolish Funner: Dawny

Main Theme: I’m Letting Go by Josh Woodward from The Simple Life Part 1 Used by permission of Josh Woodward under a Creative Commons License

Sounds used in Laurie’s Foolish Fun Intro

  • Slide Whistle sounds
    http://www.freesound.org/people/plingativator/sounds/188873/
  • Background Tune/Beat
    http://www.freesound.org/people/siakitty/sounds/38478/
  • Girl’s Laughter
    http://www.freesound.org/people/choplin/sounds/109759/
  • Phone Ring
    http://www.freesound.org/people/winsx87/sounds/152028/
Comments box:

17 thoughts on “Ep 0132 – Learning to Be Grateful to Ourselves

  1. Rabbit

    I would love to know what others are reading and insights gained from it, or has great storyline and heart warming even if you’very read it a hundred times.

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Hi Rabbit, another YA series I read about once per year is The Chronicles of Prydain by Lloyd Alexander. Based in Welsh legend, it’s a 5-book YA hero’s journey with heart and great characters. I feel like I’m in the company of brave companions as I re-read these adventures and cheer them along every time.

      Reply
  2. Mary S

    Hi there!! I’m glad I helped you figure out about the comments, ha ha! Yes, technology drives me nuts sometimes too. I’m glad it was figured out though. 🙂

    Oh goodness, when you asked us how we can thank ourselves… I drew a blank. And that made me think… And the only thing I could say was… Thanks Mary for not ever giving up. But, even trying to give myself that… It didn’t seem good enough. Ever since I quit weighing myself in July, and started to eat a bit more intuitively… And I’ve gained a bit of weight from hurting my foot, I feel like a person that is carrying a stack of important items and I keep dropping them. Like, I do positive things I know are changing my attitude about me, my self esteem, but because I’ve been wound so tight for so long, I find myself gasping once in awhile from giving up the control… And the old thoughts creep in… Maybe you should fast… Maybe you should do keto… Maybe you should weigh yourself. I know it’s because I’ve lost control of working out (esp cycling, which I love), which has taken away my mental release… So these last 5 months have been awful . Had anyone else felt this way?

    As for books, eating less by Gillian Riley is superb. I took her webinar class, too, and I enjoyed it.

    I am with you on the comments about weight and age. I no longer give them to people, because you are so right. I know people don’t mean them to be seen that way… But at the same time, I started only giving compliments on non appearance stuff now.

    Lastly, I love when the BCs share their creativity with you. Mine is channelled via paper and yarn. What if we wanted to send you something? Would it be possible? I understand either way, as I can understand not wanting to share an addtess. But it didn’t hurt to ask, I thought. 🙂

    Well, that was a long comment, haha!

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Hi Mary, thanks for thinking of me! I would LOVE to see some physical examples of your art. My mailing address is:

      Laurie Weaver
      PO Box 12474
      La Crescenta, CA 91224

      This is also on the contact page for other BCs who may like to write or send packages. In the past, I’ve had letters, postcards, Fionna’s new album, a quilt from Amy in WI and a crown to wear that spells out “brave” – made by BC Suz.

      And as to feeling wound up tightly as you learn to give up the control, I sooooo feel you sister. I don’t know if you’ve gotten to my bikini disappointment show yet, but after doing back to back Body For Life challenges, I developed a frozen shoulder. Sounds funny, but it is no joke. I literally could not work out in any way for more than a year and lived in pain and physical therapy 3x weekly. I went from buff gym rat to slushy, pain-filled, despondent couch potato almost overnight. It was so tough to deal with physically, but even worse emotionally. I felt overwhelmed, and hopeless, and like “What is the use of trying”. But in the end, I did my therapy exercises (no mean feat as they were very, very painful) to regain mobility, and probably did another 16 diets :). Try simple small ways to thank yourself. Like “Thanks for making coffee today” (If you drink it), or “Thanks for wearing that shirt I like”, or “Thanks for posting to Laurie!” Any and everything you can think of, until it feels more like a habit to notice the good things you do. Believe me, I get how hard that is. But we truly do grow what we notice. Notice good things you accomplish and confidence and self-love grows. And for me, when I feel love, the need for tight control lessens and peace blossoms. Thanks for writing and calling and all you’ve done to share and support the BCs and me. You could for SURE put yourself on the bravery report, and add yourself to the “Who are the Brave Companions” page. PS, I’m just now building up my bike butt tolerance again after a few months off the bike, and I miss my regular riding so much. It is Zen for sure and I send healing thoughts and wishes for you to return to it. xoxoxoxoxox

      Reply
      1. Mary S

        YAY! Thanks for the address. I’m about 50 episodes behind, but I decided to stay up to date and catch up at the same time. It’s worth it, especially since you’re back in action! 😉

        Thank you for your story. It helps to hear it… more than you know. I literally almost cried!! They don’t really know what is wrong with my foot, so this is a huge issue with me, too. I just want them to figure it out and for me to fix it. But obviously, it’s a waiting game. Knowing someone with CO that also was working out has had to wait a year (GULP!) to workout again… Wow. That made me feel better and so not alone. So thank you… from the bottom of my heart.

        Did you ever feel like you were feeling crazy giving up the scale and a diet that you track? Like, it has boosted my self esteem a lot… but every once in awhile I am like – GASP! Maybe I should go back to it! It must be a control issue. It has to be. I wonder how many of us BCs are perfectionistic control freaks. I bet a lot. I guess it’s a process, and I am also impatient, so that doesn’t help — haha!

        I will check out the bravery report and the WATBCs page, too! 🙂

        THANK YOU!! This group is the BEST!!

        Reply
        1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

          Hi Mary,

          Did you ever feel like you were feeling crazy giving up the scale and a diet that you track? Like, it has boosted my self esteem a lot… but every once in awhile I am like – GASP! Maybe I should go back to it! It must be a control issue.

          YES! I still have these thoughts from time to time. IE is not easy – especially if you’ve been rooted in diet mentality and the assumption, like me, that to be thin is to be good. Now, don’t get me wrong, there really isn’t anything wrong IMHO with having a body shape based goal. However, in my case, it was never just about my body. My self image as a valid person was intwined with my weight (as you will hear over and over and OVER again as you go through the rest of the main show’s original episodes). I actually kind of went screaming and kicking into IE as I wanted to lose weight. I wanted my show to be a Cinderella story of Thinnly Ever After. Part of the reason I stopped the show was I felt like such a failure for staying “fat”. I gained a lot of weight first from IE, then from when my Mom died and I ate my grief silly, even though I knew dang well what I was up to. I plain didn’t care. Then I woke up higher than even when COD began. I truly felt like a crazy idiot. What had I done again? But this time all of my experience with IE allowed me to separate out the two things. I had eaten to deal with pain because the death of my mother was so primal that I reverted to my primary coping method. And it punished me for all I regretted, and made me feel close to Mom since we shared the disorder. But it didn’t make me happy for long. In fact, I wasn’t happy at all. Chips can’t hug you or love you no matter what. So slowly I let those robot aliens go and focused on my friends and family and getting my love needs met as best as I could, still in grief. As time went on, I thought I needed a little structure to my eating again. So in my day to day I modeled my eating after a plan I hadn’t minded, but using only foods I love to eat and with the difference that if I was hungry I would eat. If I was out socially, I would not deny myself what others were eating. I would pay attention and eat mindfully. Even the thought of this structure terrified me that I was right back down the rabbit hole of disordered thinking. But I did a lot of breathing, and chosing and allowing myself to decide without judgement. Eventually, I didn’t need my plan and reverted back to IE and was able to feel my hunger and satisfaction once again. This has allowed me over the last several months to drop back down to where I was when I started IE in the first place. I tell you this, not to advise you to diet, but to let you know that day to day, we need to focus on what serves us best. I still need to deal with life without depending on food and diet thoughts more than I need to be thin. I had to learn to get go of thin, even though it had been my highest dream. If medically, I needed to follow a diet, I would. And at this point in time I am getting better and better at feeling great as a person no matter what I weigh. I still would enjoy being smaller as smaller is convenient and easier to haul around hiking and biking. But that is my body and not who I am. I hope this makes sense and doesn’t discourage you. IE isn’t a fast or a slam dunk to thinner. It is a method to overcome disordered food and body issues that may lead to a thinner body. But for me, all of my diets had been temporary and painful. So it has been worth it for me to use IE as a way to reclaim my emotional life. For others, the pain of their body size, or fear of their body size is too great, and they feel better changing their way of eating in some way to focus on that size. All I can say is try your best to pay attention to your wants and needs and which decisions lead more to joy and peace and which decisions lead to pain and chaos. This will go a long way in helping you figure out the path for you. xoxoxoxoxox

          Reply
          1. Dawny

            I love walking along side you inside your head Laurie. I relate so well TO THE REAL YOU!!!!! One amazingly terrifically fantabulous gal indeed.

          2. Mary S

            You have no idea how much it meant to read this!!! Thank you so much… Seriously, thank you!

  3. Dawny

    As always such a lovely meet up we’ve had!!! Super fun. I sure love hearing your on-goings.
    I must admit… as I was listening, hearing you so elaborately describing the onions. And observing all the bowls of chopped this and cubed that, and lamenting on the gratefulness etc. I SERIOUSLY kept waiting to hear you drop the ball… of the horror of all the dishes and mess you made and would have to clean up lmao. I giggled out loud when it didn’t come. You stuck to your grateful-ness. Lol 😂
    Love the show and our new friends.

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      LOL Dawny gal! I wasn’t even THINKING of my dusty house of horrors during that story, but you are RIGHT, some of the pans are STILL soaking! LOL. Hmmm, clean the house or go hiking? Guess which I picked….Thanks again for the Foolish Fun, made me giggle.

      Reply
  4. Dave

    Welcome to all the new BCs!!! Welcome back to all the long time BCs!!

    Have all of you who have listen to Laurie’s old podcast and compared them to her new podcast.

    I have noticed you (Laurie) have more confidence, your voice(s) are full of excitement, feeling and joy. Plus I noticed all the other voices you can now express.

    I think a BC Book List or Book Club would be a great idea.

    DaveG

    Reply
    1. Dave

      Thank you Dave for listening to something wonderfully uplifting.

      Thank you Laurie for starting back up again.

      Thank you to all the BC new and old, for being there and sharing.

      DaveG

      Reply

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