Ep 0020 – Will you still love me when I mess up? or ‘How to come back from a bad eating day’

Laurie starts out on a foggy morning hike up the mountain to record episode 20
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It was a windy and foggy morning . . .

Podcast Recap

While hiking in a wind storm, I muse about a comment from Ava about money and overeating, then I come clean about my latest compulsive overeating episode and wonder, ‘Will y’all still love me when I mess up?’


Daily Adventure Tales – Halloween episode

Daily Adventure Tales – Christmas episode

Daily Adventure Tales – Farmers’ Market episode

The famous “Pathetic” episode of Compulsive Overeating Diary

Bravery Hotline

Leave your comments, questions, feelings and stories on Laurie’s podcast voicemail hotline – 206-350-6445.


Host: Laurie Weaver

Main Theme: I’m Letting Go by Josh Woodward from The Simple Life Part 1

I’m Letting Go (Josh Woodward) / CC BY 3.0

Bleep sound from:

Resource of the day

How To Recover From A Binge I like this article and checklist of ways to get over a binge by Leora Fulvio. Probably worth a bookmark, if you struggle with binge eating, like me.
Comments box:

9 thoughts on “Ep 0020 – Will you still love me when I mess up? or ‘How to come back from a bad eating day’

  1. Michelle

    Hi Laurie, I am still following your podcasts and am always amazed at how very similar our stories and childhoods have been. I will be turning 53 in June, and in childhood I was very willful and always in trouble.
    My eating trouble started then.
    Since January I have been trying again to curb my chocolate and carb bingeing, I have been on and off my eating plan, but have been celebrating not eating chocolate, or at least when I do binge I only let it last a day, instead of weeks or months. So yea for that ! πŸ™‚
    As a result of something that made me angry yesterday , today I went and bought cookies and icecream and ate them. I could feel the binge coming on, could feel it my stomach, the anxiety and anger. But was powerless to stop it.
    I listened to a few of your podcasts 2 and 3 times over tonight, in particular the last one March 19, as it really hit home for me. Tomorrow I will be back on my eating plan, so thank you for sharing. One day I will brave and call your help line.
    I think you have really found your passion in sharing your story and helping other people.
    Thank you again

    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Hi Michelle, Wow, you make me cry from pride and happiness! Not just because of the kind things you say about me finding MY passion, but because YOU were brave and posted your truth for all of us. Who knows how many companions you will help today, and in future, because they will know they aren’t the only ones who turn to food in times of anger? And not only that, but you are an inspiring example on how to turn it around. I look forward to the day you will call the bravery hotline, because I think you have a great story to share. We are all so similar I’m finding, and a big thing is the sense of isolation that surrounds us, the mask of perfection and feeling the shame of who we really are. Each comment, each voice, each story helps to bridge us in strength and an unfamiliar unity. We are known. We can support each other exactly how we are in every moment, because we truly are companions. Thanks agin for writing. Let me know how you are doing, I care.

  2. Rachel

    Oh Laurie spot on again. Messing up is ok and I don’t mind the F bomb as you call it!!! Swearing is ok as long as it is justified. I swear myself, but it’s about respect to other people when they may not appreciate it and obviously not in front of children. Will you still love me even if I’m not perfect is a big one for me too. People pleasing and being an adapted child (seen and not heard according to transactional analysis) is me too. Trouble is when you keep quiet and do things you don’t want to do then you literally swallow it all down. So I still love you for messing up. In fact I used to belong to an overeating forum called Beyond Chocolate (there is also a book of the same name) and it was funny cos most people when they started would post very positive progress and be upbeat about it. After a while there was a despairing post where someone messed up and lo and behold everyone else pitched in with support and kind words. It’s when we struggle that we grow and learn, hard though it is. I believe that we will always be overeater and it will be the default when things get tough, but like lots of people report binges are never as long or big as before. Tackling the emotional reasons behind our eating is far more beneficial and building a stronger foundation will serve ourselves much better than any diet. I applaud how brave you were to share. Take care Rachel x

    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Thanks Rachel. Originally this episode was actually CALLED “Will you still love me when I F-Up?” But iTunes frowns on titles like this, so I changed it. πŸ˜‰ And I think your experience with your Beyond Chocolate group has proven similar for me here. Go back and see how many people stopped to comment on my pathetic episode number 4. I really thought I was pathetic, and terrible for posting such thoughts in public. Emotionally, I felt like I was walking around with my skirt tucked into the top of my pantyhose! But the level of support there taught me a big lesson. And it is one reason that I was able through the series being very real. As you progress you will see more failures, challenges, fears and even a few episodes where I rant like a queen b*tch. But this has helped me grow so much and to get a better handle on my emotions, which in turn, has greatly enhanced my eating behavior and enabled me to face new situations and connect with others in ways I never could before. For every kind compliment or encouragement I’ve received for helping the brave companions, multiply that by 100, and you might be close to what I have received from all of you and from finally, being more honest with myself.

  3. Natalie

    Hi Laurie,

    I stumbled across your podcast a couple of weeks ago when I finally decieded to admit to myself that I was an compulsive and binge eater. I am 30 years and struggled with my weight all through my teens and now. I started binging when I was about 13 years old and steadily gained 44 pounds through frequent dieting and then binging. I feel so many parallels with your listeners and your stories as I too then lost a lot of weight ( got down to 127 pounds )but found myself bingeing worse than ever due to deprivation. I also didn’t feel skinny I still thought I could do more ( that old chestnut!) I could have days were I could guzzle down 5000 calories and still not be satisfied then cry myself to sleep. I would then hate myself for doing it and have 500 calorie days for 1 week to drop the weight quickly. I would avoid seeing people after a binge incase they noticed the 3 pounds I put on and would not see anyone until is lost it again. People on the outside would describe me as completely carefree, someone who never takes things to seriously and happy all the time… There in lies the problem…. The hiding of the feelings… The need to binge. I recently moved back to Austalia after living in the UK for sometime and coming home and seeing my family made me remember a lot of the patterns that stated this… I had to face my demons! I finally took the time to think back about when this all started and recalled standing at the toaster at 1 in the morning with the peanut butter ready at 13 after I went and visited my mum in hospital when she had cancer….
    To be fair I didn’t need to be a rocket scientist to join the dots on that one, but it took every but of myself to recall that memory and just let myself cry…the 13 year old me at the time wasnt brave enough but thanks to your podcast I know am! After putting on some weight since being back in Australia (bingeing to deal with the adjustment was the major cause of a 10 pound weight gain in just 7 weeks) I felt so terrible. I looked for a podcast to help me and stumbled across yours. Normally post putting on 10 pounds I would quickly complete an egg and grapefruit diet, feel good for 2 days when id lost 10pounds then feel terrible when I blew it 2 days later. I have a long way to go but since listening to your podcast I’ve already seen big changes…. When I feel like bingeing I think about why and listen to one of your podcasts, I stick to a food plan but use your mindful eating techniques ( suprisingly there are a lot of foods I don’t actually enjoy that I use to devour like many milk chocolate brands, crisps and some biscuits) but most of all I’ve learnt to be Kind to myself…. I am my own worst critic and as soon as I stopped putting so much pressure on myself to be perfect for everyone I instantly felt that hunger feeling leave me. I have now lost 6pounds slowly and aim to be back to my ideal weight of 132 pounds in 6 weeks by being kind to myself. I really can’t thank you enough…. Looking forward to catching up on plenty more of yor podcasts! Thank you πŸ™‚

    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Welcome Natalie and thank you so much for being brave enough to stop by to share your thoughts and story. It is still amazing to me that there are so many people all over the world who can relate in some way to what I go through. I know now, that I absolutely am not unique and many of these thoughts and triggers span countries, cultures and circumstance. I am so pleased to hear that you are able to get more in touch with your body’s needs through kind attention. That is a blessing and a gift. I too was surprised at how many binge foods, or foods I thought I longed for, really don’t taste good to me – when I take the time to pay attention. For me this is a very long process and I’m learning to be like you and just be kinder to myself. I’m very happy to have ‘met you’ and hope you will stop by again to share your thought with us. xoxoxoxox
      PS, I’m proud of you for dealing with this stressful move in a positive way for yourself. That is one of the biggest challenges we can face – changing our routine and surroundings and leaving behind our old support system. Well done!

    2. Cheryl

      Hey there, Natalie! Just doing some catching up on Laurie’s last two podcasts and wanted to drop back by Day 20 and say howdy! Your story is so much like mine. I could really relate to what you said. I’m glad you found your way here. It’s a great community, and we all live with the struggle. But we’re here for each other. So welcome aboard! Hope to hear more from you!

  4. Jo

    So late to the party but really enjoying travelling back in time with you, and your story is so mine, except I am in a “slim” body . Compulsive eating of the ice cream rings true, compulsive obsession about food, and compulsive exercising thinking…. You are providing some great thoughts and ideas.
    I love your musings and look forward to learning how you get on , and ideas I can take from your road.
    I am a walker and you are keeping my company
    I love your voice, it has such a lovely intonation
    Listening from the UK

    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Hi Jo from the U.K.! Never late to the show as it is evergreen in content. It is great to hear that it is resonating with you and that you are a fellow walker. When I first started recording my intention was for it to be companionship on walks, as that is when I listen to podcasts. Than I found out many BCs listen at work or in the car etc. But a few, like Dawny, listen on hikes or walks too. You are also not the only person I’ve heard from that experiences some of the compulsive challenges who might not appear from body size to have a challenge. It is truly surprising how far reaching the various food/eating/restricting/bingeing and/or body over focus trends can be. I think it is comforting to know we are not alone, and also I’m sorry that so many face these challenges. Also the positive side, I’ve experienced the BCs to be so kind, creative and fun as people, it has been my pleasure to get to know them and their stories. It is my new pleasure to learn more about you. Welcome again! xoxoxox
      PS, thanks too for the kind comments about my voice πŸ™‚


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