Ep 0064 – Inner Bravery and Trusting Yourself

Laurie's head leaning against one hand.
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I contemplate my life in the shade of a lovely tree.

Podcast Recap

I make a shocking decision about what to let go of today! A new way to measure progress is rolled out. Thanks to listeners for supporting the show on iTunes, Stitcher, and TuneIn radio. Special thanks to Cheryl, Sue, and Karen for posting comments on Alen’s blogs after our interview. Dawny is on the bravery report for calling the bravery hotline with an audio question for Alen and my next interview. I answer part of the question now and Alen weighs in via email until we can address the topics more in depth in future. I’m pleased and humbled that a new listener and brave companion from Rhode Island calls the bravery hotline to share her story and we are the very first people to ever hear her thoughts about her eating struggles. I’m also floored that a Brave Companion actually sent me $5.00 via my new button and I dig deep on what that brings up in me and why. More thoughts and feedback about the scale and a key comment from Kendra via Facebook. I share more about my long held dream of trying voice acting and how my social meeting with actual voice actors went. Helen supports Gracie with a kind comment and I use this to send my own good wishes to Gracie.
Sun shines above a canopy of leaves

The view looking up today!

Mentioned

Alen’s Quit Binge Eating Site and Alen’s new Progress Not Perfection Site

The episode where I talk about serving myself larger portions to help me with intuitive eating

Kendra’s helpful comments about the scale on FB

My blog post about being more than a compulsive eater

Dawny’s comment that gave me the bravery push to meet the voice actors

Cheryl’s supportive comment about my dream

My reply to Cheryl summing up my experience

Helen’s support for Gracie

The episode about Gracie

Want to have Fun Being Foolish too?

Participate in our new feature called “Foolish Fun“. Just call the bravery hotline 206-350-6445 or check out the send audio page on http://www.compulsiveovereatingdiary.com/how-to-send-audio/
And tell us a joke, riddle, a silly story, limerick, sing a song, play a kazoo, ANYTHING but talk about compulsive eating. This is the feature where messing up is just part of the act! No names required and Silly Aliases are AOK! Need ideas? See Day 54’s Resource of the Day for my page of ToonaCat Jokes

Catch up with Laurie

My Spreaker page. Please follow me there if you are on Spreaker.

My Instagram page at LaurieDreamWeaver

FaceBook Page if you want to sign up for our email list by clicking Tiger the Cat’s Sign-up button

Laurie on Tumblr

My page with instructions for all of the ways (so far) that you can send audio and lend your voice to this podcast.

New free way to leave voicemail http://speakpipe.com/laurieweaver You can also click the blue button on this page that says ‘send a voice message.’

Bravery Hotline

Leave your comments, questions, feelings and stories on Laurie’s podcast voicemail hotline – 206-350-6445.

Credits

Host: Laurie Weaver

Main Theme:I’m Letting Go by Josh Woodward from The Simple Life Part 1

I’m Letting Go (Josh Woodward) / CC BY 3.0

Resource of the day


How to Believe in Yourself
A cool wikiHow article with pictures! Highly recommended. Check out these tips next time you are feeling self-doubt and I bet at least ONE of these tips will make you smile.
Comments box:

16 thoughts on “Ep 0064 – Inner Bravery and Trusting Yourself

  1. Cheryl

    Hey Laurie! Back from our cabin and trying to get caught up with things. Want to say first of all hello and welcome to our new Secret Listener from Rhode Island. We’re always so excited to have new Brave Companions come on board. The more we realize we’re not alone, the more we have those brave moments when we can actually come out and be ourselves!

    I have a quote for you from the writer Anne Lamott. She says, “I decided that the single most subversive, revolutionary thing I could do was to show up for my life and not be ashamed!” Gotta love that woman’s attitude! And her quote really struck me. That’s the way I want to be, too. So welcome aboard and I hope you get brave enough soon to speak up and get to know us. Remember, there’s always strength in numbers, and there are an awful lot of us who are struggling right along with you!

    Then, Laurie, I really got where you were coming from about the asking for money issue. And I realized listening to you that I feel exactly like that about asking for pert near ANY of my needs to be met in my family. I hesitate to ask because I don’t feel like I’m deserving of their time and attention or help or whatever it is I’m needing. Truth is, I think I’ve felt that way my whole married life because my self-esteem was so shot I figured my hubby was doing me a FAVOR by marrying me. Lordy! Forty three years later I’m thinking I’ve certainly taken a lot on myself without asking anyone to help me carry the burden.

    So to you I’d say, DON’T DO THAT! Don’t continue to bare the cost of your broadcast alone if there’s a way you can get some support. Think enough of yourself, respect yourself enough to ask when you need help. Your equipment, etc., is very expensive and doesn’t last forever. I’m 100% sure that little bit of extra support would always come in handy.

    One last thought about topics for Alen’s podcast. Maybe it has to do with perfection, but then again maybe not. Maybe it’s a fear of another kind altogether. But here it is: I have realized recently that not finishing anything I start (especially creatively) is an avoidance tactic of mine. Let’s face it. If I don’t finish it, then I never have to take that next step which would scare the tar out of me! (This doesn’t ALWAYS apply to housework. I do finish that — occasionally! LOL) So there you have it. How does one overcome the “next step syndrome?”

    Great podcast!

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Hi Cheryl, this post is filled with SO much food for thought and wise things to consider. I wanted to give it time to “perk” in my brain, since I’ve been distracted since my latest bike travail.

      Then, Laurie, I really got where you were coming from about the asking for money issue. And I realized listening to you that I feel exactly like that about asking for pert near ANY of my needs to be met in my family. I hesitate to ask because I don’t feel like I’m deserving of their time and attention or help or whatever it is I’m needing. Truth is, I think I’ve felt that way my whole married life because my self-esteem was so shot I figured my hubby was doing me a FAVOR by marrying me. Lordy! Forty three years later I’m thinking I’ve certainly taken a lot on myself without asking anyone to help me carry the burden.

      I think, my friend, you have uncovered a MAJOR root for me, AND for you! We figure everyone who is associating with us are doing US a BIG favor, totally discounting the value we bring as workers, wives, friends, humans on the planet. THAT’s why the money made me feel like a thief for so long. That’s why if *I* didn’t care about something I could charge – “Well if it’s that important to YOU I guess I can take your money, no skin off of me,” but IF IT’S MEANINGFUL to me, I attribute the same worthlessness to my endeavors as I attribute to myself, therefore it is WRONG to ask for, or take money. (or praise, or help, or anything else that supports it). Wow! What a big, big, item for me to bring to therapy, and what a great lightbulb moment for me. Thank you, thank you, thank you!

      My therapist was right. My learned low self-worth is coloring all my judgement. On food, on friends, on relationships, on business, everything! The more I learn to value myself in a rational way (vs. over valuing and heading into the puffed up territory – one of my BIG fears), the better I can make good decisions for myself and in my interactions with others. I think by learning to value ourselves, truly, it opens us to truly love and value others in a likewise, balanced and truer way.

      PS, I LOVE your topic idea, and sent it off to Alen. Hope he likes it as much as I do!
      xoxoxoxox

      Reply
      1. Cheryl

        Your comment about what we bring as “workers” really resonated with me, too. My friend wanted me to come work in her copy shop for the summer (I was teaching kindergarten at the time) and I just thought I couldn’t do that. I’d screw up all the time. So I told her no. But a few weeks later she needed someone to help fill in for a week so I volunteered just to come hang around and do what I could (hopefully without mucking stuff up). Long story short, I did, and before the summer was out I was working for her. By the time she sold the shop eight years later, I was managing it.

        I confess I still can’t quite get my mind around the difference of being paid versus volunteering. One scares the heck out of me and the other just comes naturally. I guess it’s all part and parcel of what we were talking about up there…

        Reply
        1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

          Cheryl, I can only tell you what I’ve realized about that for myself. Volunteering takes the cost of failing off my shoulders. I am always prone to doing as good of a job as I can, but deep down, I expect to disappoint or screw up. (Comes deep from my past). So if I do the job for super cheap or free, no biggie. You got what you paid for. If I accept the expected amount or more in payment for my job/project/thing, then YOU will expect to get your money’s worth i.e., I will NOT disappoint or screw up. In fact, YOUR money’s worth in my compulsive brain is my perfection. (impossible). I don’t want anyone to find out I’m not perfect, flawed, not good enough, so I like to keep expectations really low. Therefore it TERRIFIES me to ask for money. Whew, maybe it’s ok I had to reschedule last week’s therapy due to my accident 😉

          Reply
  2. Rachel

    Still listening and catching up. Husband at football so had a whole afternoon to myself with time to listen and complete outstanding tasks and housework. I love it when you are with me Laurie. Chores don’t seem so long and are much more enjoyable. Not much to watch on TV or listen to on the radio so fills a gap there. Would like to congratulate Amy for speaking on the bravery hotline after a cookie (or as we would say in the UK, biscuit) binge. Not an easy thing to do as it is such a secretive condition where we tend not to share with others. I would say at least you showed awareness and stopped with one to go. That is excellent progress and the key is not to berate yourself like you said so as not to start the process again because you binge to take away the self hatred and disgust. It breaks the binge cycle. The more you practice the better it becomes. So well done from me.
    I wonder if this is a topic for discussion or thought sometime? I find completing tasks really hard especially when I perceive them to be difficult. I know procrastination is linked to self esteem and perfectionism, but I also find that like today everything is an effort and I am resenting the regular chores such as washing, changing the bed,cleaning and cooking. I am not a domestic goddess by any means, but there are regular things we need to do like ironing and meal planning otherwise I will not be ready for the next week. I am really resenting this today, but know if I do them then it will leave time to do more enjoyable things like sewing and making Christmas cards. Wondered how everyone else tackles this problem? I usually make a list and have learned to address the item which I have the most resistance to first, but sometimes my brain won’t even work to do this. Overeating ensues as I feel bad about myself for not having done it. The other thing is getting caught up in getting things out of the way and then not having time to do other long standing tasks. I think the key here is to do things bit by bit. Say for example make one Christmas card at a time rather than aim to make all 30!! or sort out one piece of post. I know this is linked to high expectations of myself and perfectionism, but does anyone have any suggestions or tips to tackle this?
    Thank you so much for your honesty again Laurie it’s really making me think about my own life and core beliefs. So many similarities.
    The other thing is that the clocks have changed and it really affects me. Am now feeling tired at 5pm because this is when it starts getting dark. Plan to go to bed early to counteract this, but only after I have binged first. What’s that all about?
    Keeping positive still. All the best
    Rachel x

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Greetings Rachel! I’m glad that the show is making tasks and even the dreaded (for me) housework easier. Yes, procrastination has been peppered through my show and blog posts lately. Our clocks changed too, and it is making it very tough. I sure wish we would just PICK one and stick all year round. It makes me sleepy and fatigued for several weeks after each time change. I think, Rachel you write about an important point when you say you tackle your tasks bit by bit. And Since procrastination HAS been so much on our radar, I will use your comment on day 87’s show to spark more conversation about it. And I know Amy will appreciate the encouragement. Thanks so much for writing your thoughts as you move through the programs. Hugs, xoxoxoxoxo

      Reply
    2. Stéfanie

      Rachel, you and I have the same love-hate relashionship to the chores list 🙂 Some days, I litteraly look at my dishes and feel immediate lascitude: “I’ll be doing dishes all my life”… this repetitive task gets me down. Some days, I feel zen about dishes. As I make the dishes, I let my thoughts wonder and feel in some meditative state. Some days, I am energetic and I just tackle the task easily without attaching any feeling to it. I just get it done
      so the point i am trying to make here is about aknowledging your feelings and accepting them. I think it’s all about accepting our that our feelings towards the list and the chores (and life in general) in a non-judgemental way. When you wrote your post, you were in that mood. And that’s perfectly fine. All feelings pass, come, and go…

      (Easier said then done. Believe me, I know…. it’s an on going struggle for me too lol)

      Stéfanie 🙂

      Reply
  3. Rachel

    Thank you for your kind reply Laurie and thrilled that my comments may help others along their journey. I am certainly learning much more about myself, as are you, I’m sure. Always good to compare experiences and share. There is a relaxation script for procrastination on inner health studio. A great resource for relaxation and free to use.
    About the clocks changing. I think we sometimes forget how finely tuned we are to changes as the human animal and sleep is certainly a big one for me.
    Positive strokes
    Rachel xxx

    Reply
    1. Sue

      Greetings Rachel. As a fellow Brit, I know what you mean about the clocks changing. It seems to be taking ages for my body clock to adjust and I “feel” it is much later than it is. I dislike housework too and find it hard to get motivated, especially when the “rewards” of all the work are very temporary. I have more incentive now as I suffer from asthma and so start coughing when it is too dusty. The perfectionism/procrastination link is very strong!

      Reply
  4. Pingback: PNP049 Laurie Weaver Followup: Being a Perfectionist, Voice Acting, Bravery and Intuitive Eating

  5. Jo

    I wonder who in the uk is still on this journey with you Laurie. Hello again Brave Companions, so many years behind but I am loving catching up. Minor success last night, despite having a bit of a crazy 20 minutes of eating dates, apricots, 2 chocolate covered ice cream ices and a packet of salt and pepper cashews. I cooked dinner and could not face it. It was not what I wanted, so I threw it away and my robot aliens started reminding me I had more ice creams in the freezer so I could eat those. It was the hottest June day since 1972 yesterday and while that was a very appealing idea I said “no I am full and not feeling like eating anymore” and went for a walk to deliver a card to someone who moved into my area yesterday. Today’s success was attending a conference and thinking the treats looked good, so I took one of each and if they were good that was eaten and enjoyed and if they were disappointing they were spat out into a napkin, or the one small bite was swallowed and the rest was discarded – so whilst I still feel a little out of control I feel more in control than I would have done before!
    Some of this is just down to listening to you and the brave companions and some is down to me!! Loving the journey Laurie you have been doing great the last few episodes and excited to find it how things turn out as I get more episodes under my belt – you are one hell of a walking companion. I care xx

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Hi Jo! I know Sue from the UK is still actively listening and participating, and I know a few who listen, but don’t participate as much. Next show I’ll read your comment to celebrate your bravery report moment AND to ask if any UK BCs want to say hello. 🙂 Thanks too for your coffee gift, it was a huge surprise and we appreciate it very, very much. It is fun to follow along with you, and had to re-listen to the first part of day 64 to find out what I let go of, since I was mysterious in my show notes! 😉 Thanks too for letting me know you care too. xoxoxoxox

      Reply
      1. Sue Gordon

        Hi Jo
        It is lovely to hear from new listeners and even more special to hear from someone this side of the pond. It has been so hot by our standards, but it seems like our heatwave is over. Where are you in the U.K.? I am currently in Yorkshire but hope to move to Scotland soon. Xx

        Reply
        1. Jo

          Hey there Sue, I am way down south in Bedfordshire. Visiting Wales in July and Scotland in August to see friends and family! I hope your plans to move to Scotland are coming along nicely. I love how beautiful our little island is! Is it bad I am glad that the heatwave is over as we are just not designed for it 😏😂 so pleased to meet you.
          Xx

          Reply

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