Ep 0070 – Kick the Inner Bully to the Curb!

Laurie smiling in her straw hat with the sun shining down.
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I feel happier already! I’m hitting the road on down to the park to record and I’m listening to the album by Josh Woodward that ‘I’m Letting Go’ is part of. It’s called the Simple Life and it’s today’s resource of the day.

Podcast Recap

Hold on to your hats and glasses, it’s going to be a wild and wooly time on the podcast rock today! I have an epic tussle with a newly discovered inner bully and kick its ass to the curb! It all starts when waking up in an unexplained blue mood for the second day in a row, I strap on my recorder, grab my half-written notes and head off to the park to figure myself out. In this hybrid episode of bonus off the cuff rambling and regularly planned notes, I decide to let go of having to feel wonderful every single day and ponder the source of my recurring blue mood. While I’m pondering, I give thanks for the new 5-Star rating on iTunes USA and a heartfelt special thanks to my second podcast subscriber. I reminisce about what I learned from my past diet history and discover that bastardly inner bully. Well, let’s just say I enjoyed what came next! Shauni L calls the bravery hotline with her reactions to Day 69 and earns a place on the bravery report for allowing her voice to be heard. We hear the reactions of Dawny and Diane the Champion to hearing their own bravery hotline calls last show. Cheryl and Helen also post encouraging comments.

Road heading to a freeway overpass seen from the sidewalk

Here is the VERY scenic view of the freeway on my way to the park.

Prayer rocks stacked on a sturdy tree limb

In the surprise! Department, as I pack up to go home, I notice that someone ELSE has placed some prayer rocks in the branch of the tree I sit under to record. I take this as a blessing and I go up the hill feeling lighter in my spirit.


Day 28 where I share my body for life story

Day 69 Where I dare to say I’m doing well and tempt the inner bully

Diane’s comments about hearing herself on Day 69

Diane’s supportive comment to BRICE on Day 69

Dawny’s reaction to hearing herself AND other thoughts about Day 69

BRICE’s hiking analogy comment

Cheryl’s awesome comment where she ponders filling up life with other than food on Day 69

Helen’s response to Cheryl and other thoughts on Day 69

My first interview with Alen Standish on Progress Not Perfection

Want to have Fun Being Foolish too?

Participate in our new feature called “Foolish Fun“. Just call the bravery hotline 206-350-6445 or check out the send audio page on http://www.compulsiveovereatingdiary.com/how-to-send-audio/
And tell us a joke, riddle, a silly story, limerick, sing a song, play a kazoo, ANYTHING but talk about compulsive eating. This is the feature where messing up is just part of the act! No names required and Silly Aliases are AOK! Need ideas? See Day 54’s Resource of the Day for my page of ToonaCat Jokes

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Bravery Hotline

Leave your comments, questions, feelings and stories on Laurie’s podcast voicemail hotline – 206-350-6445.


Host: Laurie Weaver

Main Theme:I’m Letting Go by Josh Woodward from The Simple Life Part 1

I’m Letting Go (Josh Woodward) / CC BY 3.0

Resource of the day

The Simple Life
for $5.00 US you can get the ENTIRE awesome album that “I’m Letting Go” is part of. This is direct from Josh Woodward. Please support his music!
Comments box:

9 thoughts on “Ep 0070 – Kick the Inner Bully to the Curb!

  1. Kendra

    Hi Laurie! How is everything going? I just wanted to post something that I am experiencing. I kind of miss the good old days of eating to soothe! I know how wrong it is to use food to cover feelings but it sure is overwhelming sometimes! The feelings that I have ignored or denied are flooding in! What do you do when you can’t turn to our old friend to help us? Maybe there is a mourning period where we lose our old friend, the food blanket?

    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Hi Kendra, I’m really feeling well and much better after I went through Day 70’s therapy in the park! I do think that we miss our coping mechanisms and grieve them. Even when I quit smoking, more than 20 years ago, maybe 30 years ago, I grieved that. I used to say I wished I could smoke and not have it hurt me as I LOVED to smoke. Maybe the glamorous movie images, maybe the time of my youth, but we all pretty much smoked and it was part of the culture that I missed (even though I have chronic breathing issues that meant I often couldn’t breathe very well). With eating, I think it is like when I quit work. If I didn’t watch out, soon after retirement, when I got in my car in the morning, I would start to drive to Los Angeles on auto-pilot, just because I had done that very thing for so many years. I had to THINK not to drive to LA in the morning. I had to make a conscious choice out of what have been a routine, unconscious act. My eating for comfort, for something to do when bored, for anger, for covering up feelings, all were automatic triggers. So it is taking a lot of practice with conscious choice NOT to do that. And when I DON’T do that, sometimes there is a void. Rather like, “Well where SHOULD I drive in the morning if not to work?” One of the reasons I joined the YMCA after retiring was to have a place to go. I had a class I attended 3x per week that gave me a schedule to hang my week on. It gave me a place to drive to. Not eating is like that. I am working on replacing the coping mechanisms with other things. Some have become automatic, like stopping to consider the story I will tell on the next episode when I want to eat when not hungry. Some are not, like the auto-pilot snacker that wants to eat if the TV is on. I’m having to retrain my brain to watch TV without food. And, to return to the question, YES I mourn that. I LOVE to mindlessly numb out with junk TV I don’t have to think about and stuff my face like a robot. The combo of brain drain with carbo loading is very rhythmically soothing to my darting mind. Nothing else quite scratches that itch, and it makes me sad not to do that. I suspect this is where some form of meditation practice would be an alternative, but going to meditate doesn’t yet have the same appeal as chips and Top Chef. Baby steps,
      Thanks for stopping by, I love thinking about this topic. I hope some other BC will chime in, and I will use this for sure on an upcoming show as a question to toss out and ponder.

    2. Dawny

      aaaah Kendra… (& Laurie)… Im in on this.. Tho, Im not quite to the point of the ‘lack of something to do’ as much as I am to the grief and mourning of there not being enough ‘hungry’ to eat the foods, and the varieties etc that I really want LOL.. Im learning one thing tho, is to eat what I really really like/want FIRST lol, as a ‘diet-er’ (if you will) I was known to savor the best part for ‘last’, not any-more, that is going down the gullet first ha ha that way im sure to not miss out.. LOL LOL scarazy.. and some-times I want something and im like uh.. wait.. you gotta be hungry to do that.. *sigh* lol.. there’s not enough room for all the ‘things’… it’s sure eye opening to me.. HA.. how much I used to ‘eat’ when not practicing intuitive eating or only hunger directed eating.. as in, a mini meal pre-work-out, then a meal, then a snack, and a meal, and a snack and a meal and a dessert and a graze here, and a tasting there, and some sampling over here.. wowsa LOL.. I guess for me now, I scratch my head, all that eating.. how’d I make it to goal, and stay there for as long as I did.. LOL.. I guess a loooooot of vegetables with some fruits thrown in for good measure. LOL my meals were based on veggies.. I was even to the point that my ‘carb’ choices were veggie laden.. can you say cauliflower rice.. or cauli mashed potatoes.. how about zooodles (noodles made from zucchini) and banana pancakes.. and banana ice-cream, oh lets not forget the barely any shredded hashbrown potatoes and a LOT of shredded zucchini to fill up the pan of ‘hashbrowns’ LOL.. scarazy… right? lol.. when I started adding in the nutrient dense foods (rice, quinoa, bulgur, pasta, potatoes) I shot up REALLY fast in weight, as in 10#, then another 10# duh.. and you know the biggest DUH of that.. I just now.. as in while im typing this to you REALIZED that! wowsa LOL..

  2. Dawny

    I couldn’t wait to come tell you how much you are the BRAVEST SHE-ro I know Laurie!!! I love this episode you made me giggle. I’d say at you but it was surely with you since you were making yourself giggle!!!! I too have these same sorts of conversations. Not this content but like conversations. Your awesome! I’m soooo proud of you. No matter what your daily BB number is your inspiring!! You’d be sooo super abnormal if you were ALWAYS an 8, 9 or 10 and then I’d question your truth and authenticity! Because your a HUMAN AND don’t get me started on the fact a woman at that lol lol. Luv yah lady

  3. Cheryl

    Warning: Your podcast got me going today!

    Oh Lordy! Listening to you talk about Weight Watchers at the first of the podcast brought back this picture in my head that just leaves me almost laughing hysterically at the moment. It’s the first week of my sister and her husband, my bff, his lordship, and myself attending a WW meeting. Afterwards, since it’s an early meeting and none of us have had time to eat, we go out to dinner together to share our thoughts. And on the table we all have our calorie guide book and our little fold-out pamphlet to enter our points. I remember thinking so clearly, “This is so GREAT! From now on when we go out to eat we can bring our books and note our points, and not have to feel guilty about going out…yadah, yadah, yadah. And we’re going to lose this weight and be so skinny, life will be great!”

    What a dreamer! Going on to loose 30 lbs. almost cemented that thought in my mind, but then reality set in and I realized I was on yet another euphoric high from starting a new weight-loss “project.” Because that’s what it was, a project. And even though I recognized that, I went on to have three more “projects” after that.

    It seems so ridiculous now to think of that dinner together. I know we all had that thought you were talking about that if we could just drop those pounds, get down to a healthy weight, everything in our lives would be perfect. It’s taken me a long time to learn what you know, that that philosophy is really bass ackward. If we want to reach that place in our life where we can be healthy and happy, it probably won’t begin with food.

    Food is only the symptom, not the dis-ease. And I believe dis-ease is a perfect description of why I eat. Anything that puts me in a place of dis-ease will make me run for something to stuff in my mouth. in fact, I was reading the comments up above and something you said, “The combo of brain drain with carbo loading is very rhythmically soothing to my darting mind,” caught me attention. I didn’t connect with the watching TV part, but my mind goes 90 mph all the time and your comment about carb loading and rhythm exploded in my head. I’m type 2 diabetic, and when I OD on carbs what happens? I slow waaaaaaay down. It’s like taking a freakin’ nap for me. (And often an actual nap after I’ve eaten many carbs.) I have to do some long, hard pondering on this.

    Whoops! Got lost in my thought there! I appreciated what you said about how you learned the first time around to make foods that you enjoy eating part of your eating plan. You’re so right. That is the best advice for anyone trying to get a handle on healthier eating. I remember griping constantly to his lordship about my hair becoming so thin (from thyroid meds). For Christmas one year he thought he was doing me a huge favor and bought me this kit from a salon that was supposed to make your hair thicker. Trouble was, you had to use these two products every single day in order for it to work. He paid a LOT for this stuff. And I cried when he gave it to me because I KNEW I would never be consistent enough to warrant spending that kind of money on those products. It’s like that with diets. If we know we’re not going to be eating that stuff (diet food, low-fat products and such as you mentioned) for the rest of our life, that ought to tell us something! We need to be more realistic.

    The other comment I wanted to make was about your fear of admitting you’re doing well. We’ve probably all been through so many failed diet plans that we’re just conditioned to wait for the other shoe to drop. I believe that’s what you’re feeling. So you don’t dare say too loudly that things are going great ’cause if you do — thump! Maybe the answer to that is to realize that just like the moon pulling on the tide, there is an ebb and flow to life. Sometimes it’s great, sometimes it’s not, and sometimes you just can’t tell which it is. But it’s all part of living.

    So don’t be afraid to shout it to the hills while you’re up there walking or talking on the podcast. You’re not claiming that you’ve arrived. As we’ve mentioned before, this isn’t about arriving. It’s about traveling with friends on a long adventure, resonating with them, lifting them up, passing on the torch, etc. To me your podcast isn’t about dieting at all. It’s about being human and learning to love and accept ourselves and each other. If we can keep that goal in sight, that’s likely the first step to letting go of that diet mentality.

    And one more comment about how friends respond when you’re feeling down. I was really struggling through some depression about the financial difficulties we’re experiencing. As I talked to my sister about it she said to me, “You shouldn’t feel bad about all that stuff. Look at what Greg and I have gone through with his cancer this year!” Lordy! Good thing we were on the phone, otherwise I would have smacked her. Though I certainly couldn’t compare our problems with my bil’s illness, no one else’s struggle negates the way I feel when I’m struggling. Rule #1 for me of being compassionate is it’s not a competition. The person with the worse troubles is NOT the one who wins.

    So we need to learn to respond to each other with care and concern the same way we would want to be responded to. And I can truthfully say it’s such an honor to get to know all you folks on here who have learned to live by that principle. This is truly a unique community. You have set a wonderful precedent for all of us here, Laurie.

    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Thanks for sharing your Weight Watchers story here GF. I can so relate to that pop of hope that comes from starting a program. It’s at least DOING something, right? I think in that way, all of our efforts are positive. We are at least taking some steps to make our lives better. It’s just that some paths turn out to be dead ends or mazes depending on how they resonate with us. And I think, like me, many of us blame ourselves for that blocked path. I know I’m only now starting to get that everything ISN’T about me, caused by me, and basically, my responsibility. That includes diet/exercise/self-improvement plans. I am unique, you are unique, and all we can do is try and see. We are not failures at all if we can take in the lesson and move on. I think we may numb ourselves to considering how things are going to guard against pain, but then we can’t evaluate our next steps well. When we really let ourselves know and feel how relationships, dieting efforts, jobs – whatever situations we experience are impacting us, we can better choose to stay the course because the benefits outweigh the pain, or to move on to something different from a place of power.

      And one more comment about how friends respond when you’re feeling down. I was really struggling through some depression about the financial difficulties we’re experiencing. As I talked to my sister about it she said to me, “You shouldn’t feel bad about all that stuff. Look at what Greg and I have gone through with his cancer this year!” Lordy! Good thing we were on the phone, otherwise I would have smacked her. Though I certainly couldn’t compare our problems with my bil’s illness, no one else’s struggle negates the way I feel when I’m struggling. Rule #1 for me of being compassionate is it’s not a competition. The person with the worse troubles is NOT the one who wins.

      This one is SUCH a big trigger for me. For Mark and me, we get it all the time for not having kids. “Your life is so EASY”, “You should be the ones to drop your life and see US”, “You have PLENTY of money”. Every problem on Earth is assumed to be a breeze because we never had children. People can be such shits about it too. Nobody knows our story. Nobody knows what we did or didn’t go through. And I can attest, that lack of kids does NOT solve every problem. In fact, it also can be a true source of loss and pain. But even if it were true that we were sighing gasps of relief over our luck and planning, not having kids did not protect us from disasters and challenges.

      Now I know you DO have kids and I’m just using this example because it is my, “But YOU didn’t deal with cancer”. Fill in the blank. It so makes me rage when people assume things about me and my life. And THAT makes me stop to consider how much I have assumed too. So many of the ‘famous’ people around this town are so unhappy. They may look great in magazines, have huge houses, chauffeurs etc., but they still have crap in their lives, and may have terrible self esteem. Bad enough to be getting older in private. Think how stressful to have every pound, wrinkle, and sag evaluated ad nauseam.

      Anyway, my friend I SO value you for your insight, humor and eloquent writing ability. Hugs for your troubles, Cheers for you victories, and thanks again for sharing your wonderful thoughts with us here.



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