Ep 0080 – Bonus – Support Group Details and Help! Crazy Fears!

Laurie in a black print blouse and straw hat
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I grab my hat and recorder and go directly to podcast from my meeting – hence my straw hat and business blouse combo!

Podcast Recap

I’m freaked out and ask for help sharing the details of the upcoming free support group I’m facilitating at the YMCA. I also ponder possible childhood reasons of why I always feel that nobody will EVER come to my party. Marquita and Amy from Ohio call the bravery hotline with their reactions to Day 78’s bravery tip.

Mentioned

The Support Group Details Page

The Bravery Tip Bonus Episode

Ways to support the show financially

Want to have Fun Being Foolish too?

Participate in our new feature called “Foolish Fun“. Just call the bravery hotline 206-350-6445 or check out the send audio page on http://www.compulsiveovereatingdiary.com/how-to-send-audio/
And tell us a joke, riddle, a silly story, limerick, sing a song, play a kazoo, ANYTHING but talk about compulsive eating. This is the feature where messing up is just part of the act! No names required and Silly Aliases are AOK! Need ideas? See Day 54’s Resource of the Day for my page of ToonaCat Jokes

Catch up with Laurie

My Spreaker page. Please follow me there if you are on Spreaker.

My Instagram page at LaurieDreamWeaver

FaceBook Page if you want to sign up for our email list by clicking Tiger the Cat’s Sign-up button

Laurie on Tumblr

My page with instructions for all of the ways (so far) that you can send audio and lend your voice to this podcast.

New free way to leave voicemail http://speakpipe.com/laurieweaver You can also click the blue button on this page that says ‘send a voice message.’

Bravery Hotline

Leave your comments, questions, feelings and stories on Laurie’s podcast voicemail hotline – 206-350-6445.

Credits

Host: Laurie Weaver

Main Theme:I’m Letting Go by Josh Woodward from The Simple Life Part 1

I’m Letting Go (Josh Woodward) / CC BY 3.0

Resource of the day


The Truth About the Fear of Failure and You.
By Seth Ellsworth. Really wonderful article that breaks down the fear of failure in a very conversational and great way. Don’t FAIL to go read this one!
Comments box:

37 thoughts on “Ep 0080 – Bonus – Support Group Details and Help! Crazy Fears!

  1. Suz (Suzanne)

    I have no idea what will happen with the support group, but I have a hunch you will be pleasantly surprised. Even if the group is small at first, I think word will spread. I believe the right people will come. The people who maybe struggle but still come to the Y. And maybe those people will tell a friend who are not in the same place on the continuum of bravery, but might be encouraged to come and take a chance.
    And even if noone shows the first meeting, (unlikely, in my opinion) it is NO reflection on you. How could it be? Nobody came and collected any info to evaluate and then reject. And you are not the only factor. (that maybe sounded rude…like “It’s not all about you!”) I mean, people have lives and complications and schedules and different interests and some people like to keep certain issues private or hidden. And some people really want to talk and share! I’m so curious as to how it will go. I feel really strongly, though, that if it doesn’t work out, it’s not because of you.
    I think you really “get” what a personal struggle is all about, and you have valuable insights into your personal habits, drives, behaviors, etc. When you make clear your insights, and reveal and share your insecurities, and your hopes and your courage, you let others see how they too can coach and care for themselves. Many of us don’t feel we have a soft emotional place to land, and encouragement to be our own soft place of caring and acceptance, along with safe people, is a huge boost to any personal struggle.
    I think of Alen Standish’s big name change to his podcast…he took the word binge and the word eating completely out. He focused instead on the positive idea of progress…not perfection. Perfection is a stress-inducing goal. I tell my piano students “Practice makes progress” instead of perfection. Nobody needs the weight of an expectation of perfection.
    And your podcast has come to be so much about bravery, encouragement, support, etc., because building up a compulsive overeater’s reservoir of confidence and happiness is better medicine than talking about dieting or portion control, etc. We’ve all have had PLENTY of shaming and guilt and criticism in our lives. That’s just part of what weighs us down and makes us want to escape.
    When we tell ourselves we ARE brave, and we see and hear others being brave, it’s a bit of illumination. It’s a buoy.
    Compulsive overeating is just a symptom of something else. Something dieting can’t fix. Your podcast is about what actually can help…support, acceptance, safety, courage. Laughter.
    I can’t imagine any support group not going for that!

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Oh Suz, I think I may need to nominate you as PR director of the bravery report! This is such a wonderful, stellar description of what the show has become.

      Compulsive overeating is just a symptom of something else. Something dieting can’t fix. Your podcast is about what actually can help…support, acceptance, safety, courage. Laughter.

      Alen and I have talked at length about his name change and what it means. I can see this show taking a similar route down the line too. As we morph away from eating issues and focus more on tackling the underlying stumbling blocks and challenges we may face with any compulsion.

      For now though, because I am focused on my own eating which is the symptom I most own, the show will strive to stay in this lane for the forseeable future. Thanks too for your straight talk and good encouragement. I do know it’s not me, and no, I didn’t take you statement that way, it is a fact. There are many reasons why someone does or doesn’t do something. Most of those have NOTHING to do with me. (amazing revelation for a gal who believed she was what was wrong with every situation in the world). I think my fear of disappointment, my compulsive feeling of “I didn’t DO ENOUGH to MAKE SURE” that the message got out sooner is haunting me. I’m a perfectionist in progress as Alen would say. Baby steps for me as well. Many thanks, my friend for stepping up and writing this for me today.
      oxoxoxoxox

      Reply
  2. Stéfanie

    Laurie,

    I’m so happy to hear you’ll have at least 2 participants! And man am I very, very envious of them! You will be such a great facilitator. You are so great with words and support… I can’t wait for the virtual version of this support group to open hihi 😉

    Stéfanie xx

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Thanks mon amie! Now that the fear of Zero is losing its death grip, I’m starting to get excited to see what happens. I believe there is a place for this kind of group and this will be a valuable learning experience as I hope to expand in future 🙂

      Reply
      1. Amy from WI

        Yes! My original thought was that if you can just get it going, I’m sure that it will grow over time. People will spread the word, and people who can’t make it the first time will stop in at other times. I KNOW there is a place for this type of wonderful support group, and I KNOW you will be a wonderful facilitator!

        Reply
  3. Amy from WI

    Hi Laurie,
    I’m so glad to hear that at least 2 are coming! If 2 signed up already, I bet there will be more. I know that you will do such a great job, maybe now you can relax and enjoy the preparation stage!

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Ahh Amy, I’m now getting some nerves because in live settings, I am so used to being the teacher and/or the presenter. Facilitator is a different tone and skill, so it should be a great challenge for me to switch gears to encourage while stepping back my viewpoint. But I need to let go of forcing anything. Thanks for the encouragement 🙂

      Reply
  4. Suz (Suzanne)

    I too think it would be cool to have a virtual meeting, or a convention or retreat of Brave Companions. It’s nice to think about!

    Reply
  5. Marquita

    What Suz, Amy and Stephanie said is SO encouraging and wonderful. I agree with them wholeheartedly. I also understand your fears, Laurie. I started an emotional eating support group through Meetup several years ago. I had 3 people sign up; 2 people showed up twice and then no one showed up for the third meeting. I felt sad and rejected, I suppose. But, I tried. The interest just wasn’t there; or maybe it was the way I tried to facilitate. Anyway, you are SO VERY BRAVE to do this group at the YMCA. I wish I could join you. You are an inspiration and a wealth of support, warm fuzzy’s and genuine caring. You have the ability to reach people and change people’s perception about themselves through your own truth and experience. I know you will do a fantastic job facilitating. I know you are scared and doubting, and it’s OK. Butterflies in your tummy is that incredible brave heart of yours reaching out to help others in need!!! XOXO

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Hi Marquita, thanks so much for this encouragement. Yes, it IS a huge puzzle on how to get the folks in the chairs who may benefit, since a BIG part of our shared issues is the secrecy and shame. In other words, folks who are confident enough to come to the group, may not need the group as badly. However, even if just a couple show, it will help me learn what does and does not translate into live interaction. If it was possible to go round to every town of the show’s brave companions, I know I would have some takers, because you guys know me and feel safe from the show. It may be that I need to earn this reputation as a safe and effective place to share these issues all over again in real life. If I can, great, if not now, I will redouble my efforts to grow the show until I have a base where it makes sense to try again. I feel in my heart that this is my path, I just don’t know if this is my time. We’ll find out together! All I can tell you is I’m glad I have the brave companions to pick me up if need be, and to support me if need be, and hopefully, to celebrate with me.
      xoxoxox

      Reply
    2. Suz (Suzanne)

      Marquita, you were very brave to organize a Meet-up group! I think Laurie is right in that part of the nature of the compulsive overeating problem is that many times people who suffer with it also struggle with depression and shame, and want to withdraw. Like me! Or, also like me, they avoid and get stuck in a rut because they don’t feel like they can approach a different way of coping with life.
      I can’t yet picture myself eating healthfully, being happy and comfortable with that or with a calorie defecit in order to lose weight. My underlying panic under all the positive talk that I like to hear is that at some point I’ll have to be chronically hungry and feel deprived and somehow pretend that I’m okay with that. I know that would make it harder for me to go to a group, where I’d feel social pressure to get on board or to appear to be losing weight, thereby proving that I’m really “getting it” and changing my behavior. There’s so much shame in that! And it takes bravery too to realize that it’s not your responsibility to make people feel okay with coming to a group to deal with such a difficult issue. Also, many people with entrenched eating disorders and a long history of trying different diets or attending dieting groups still are conditioned to that mentality. Going to a group might bring up old triggers of being weighed or being the only person who didn’t lose weight that week, etc. Who wouldn’t rather have a bowl of macaroni and cheese instead of deal with those feelings?
      I like Laurie’s Podcast and message board because I can participate when I have time and I feel like it, and I don’t have to feel like I need to be adhering to some program in order to work on my thoughts and reactions.

      Reply
      1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

        Hugs Marquita, I agree with Suz, you were VERY brave to try a group. And it is one of my fears too that the hidden nature underlying our issues will keep folks away. I’m hoping for time for word of mouth to grow, that in the group I’m trying now, like here, does not depend on you losing weight, or even feeling a certain way. It is to build that sense of companionship and safe understanding that is missing from so many of our isolating lives. Not all, I admit, but many of us never felt ok as we are. We felt the need to hide our feelings. I’m hoping that we can also experience the joy of life as well as some of the sadness that comes with exploring. I’m hoping that Brave Companionhood will work without the extra safety of internet anonymity. I think it may be a challenge.

        Suz, I think you too are very brave to examine your true feelings about what attending such a group may bring up. Would you mind if I shared these comments at my first meeting? I think it would be a wonderful example and encouragement to these first brave souls.
        Hugs, hugs, hugs

        Reply
        1. Suz

          Of course! Gah, I just saw this now, so maybe it’s too late to even tell you yes, it’s okay. I need to remember to click that “Notify me” box!

          Reply
  6. Marquita

    P.S. I was feeling pretty down today and by reading comments and things on your website, Laurie, it turned my whole mood around. Simply amazing. I also read the article entitled “Fear of Failure” that you have a link to. Wow! That really spoke to me. It turned my perception of failure completely around!! Thank you for that!

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Thank you SO much for posting this P.S. I have been so close to not bothering to post my resources of the day, because from my website stats, I barely ever see anyone visit them. But I’m very glad you saw this article, because I too really thought it was eye-opening and helped me change my attitude from fear to curisoity.
      Hugs

      Reply
      1. Suz (Suzanne)

        I love that you have resource links! Now that I’ve caught up with the podcasts, I maybe can go back and follow some. Sometimes I forget to look, but I’m glad they are there. And because of Marquita, I will go read the fear of failure article!
        I think as you gain a larger audience over time, too, you’ll be glad you did…and so will your listeners. 🙂

        Reply
        1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

          Thanks Suz, I hope so. I really enjoy finding the various resources. Some are serious, some are silly, but I’ve kept at it because it’s fun for me, and I’ve always held out hope that someday I would see brave companions checking them out. That Fear of Failure article is one of the best of the resources. Mind blowing the change in perspective.
          xoxoxox

          Reply
  7. Rachel

    Hi there. haven’t listened to this one yet because I am still catching up, but wanted to let you know that because of you I went swimming this morning. Decided to make the most of my gym membership because it is a lot to spend and not use. So managed to get up reasonably early and go yippie. I am an exercise buddy to a very good friend who texts me most days after she has completed her workouts and now I have someone who can help me. She thinks of me saying JFDI (Just f’in Do It) in a kind and supportive manner and it spurs her on. I know you don’t always go when you don’t feel like it,but if I don’t then it may last much longer. Feel all energised and how my mood is lifted afterwards. Yes.
    Thanks x

    Reply
    1. Amy from WI

      Way to go, Rachel!!!! I just joined a gym with a pool so that I can go swim. We can be virtual swim buddies :).

      Reply
      1. Rachel

        Great work Amy yes having a buddy makes all the diference. I don’t actually like swimming much, but it’s quick and easy. I swim lengths, but tread water for 2 minutes at one end to make it more cardio. Feel a bit odd doing something different and hope I don’t annoy anyone doing just lengths, but I have every right to be there too. It makes 30mins a proper workout.

        Reply
    2. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Hooray Rachel! That is so awesome. I’m very proud of your example. You are right there ARE the weasel days that get me as well as days when I can tell my body needs to rest. Today, Mark and I planned to bike ride, but he couldn’t make it. I was set to say “oh well” and snuggle back into my pillow for some R and R, but then, I thought of all of you and wanted to be on my own bravery report, so I literally leapt from the bed and into my bike gear. I then did a route from my home that includes hills and a bit of early commuter traffic. It was only the second time I have ridden alone since my bad bike accident several years ago. But I was amazed at how well I did the hills and how the traffic didn’t rattle me. Great progress from the last time. And, like you, I feel amazing! Energy is much higher than when I awoke. I feel pride and physical benefits. I think the big thing for me is truly learning to discern the weasel from the needed rest and kicking that weasel right in the keester! Well done Rachel, and I just may make myself a t-shirt with JFDI 😉

      Reply
  8. Cheryl

    Definitely agree about this being a PR challenge. It took Edison 1000 tries to make the light bulb before he finally got it? Have you thought about other places like libraries? Don’t get discouraged yet. Don’t get ahead of yourself. Try to keep this a learning experience and adopt an attitude of patience. You can handle this no matter how it turns out.

    I think you’re right about this being a little different from what you’ve done in the past. You’ve always been in control, in a teaching position. And on here you are also in control. So just figure there will be a learning curve to find the right way to get others to respond without having to lead them by the nose. Being a facilitator is different for sure.

    Hang in there!

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      I’m pretty cool at this point. I recorded Day 80 at the height of my fear before I found out that ANYONE had rsvp’d. Again, it was how I addressed my fear without heading to the chips that day. And now I’m pretty comfortable. I can talk the whole hour if need be, or shut up. I have facilitated in my former job during meetings where we had to come to consensus, so I can draw on that to overcome some of my inner “Ham” and see how that goes. But I also want to remain myself, so I don’t think corporate Laurie will be making any appearances in this meeting 🙂

      Reply
          1. Cheryl

            Oh! LOL Here I expected to see you in an actual business suit! You can sure tell how long ago it was that I went to college and took business courses! Well you look lovely in that picture.

  9. June J

    Wow!! I was surfing podcasts on the Natural News and came across yours. You hit the struggle right on the head. I am feeling your struggles and enjoying your triumphs. Keep up the great work. Your pods are so real, its like having you really in real life talking to me in my living room.

    Thank you for baring you soul to us.

    Keep the Faith

    June

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Thank you so much June for stopping by and letting me know. I’ve never had a brave companion mention before they found the show on Natural News. That’s pretty cool! I’m glad you like listening to my rambles. It is all pretty much as I feel that particular day on that particular moment. But even I learn something when I listen back to the recordings, as I often don’t remember exactly what I said. 😉 I look forward to hearing more of what you think and feel, so feel free to stop by and post anytime!
      Take Care, great meeting you!
      Laurie

      Reply
  10. Marquita

    Suz,

    I just read through more comments on this day and you said: ” part of the nature of the compulsive overeating problem is that many times people who suffer with it also struggle with depression and shame, and want to withdraw. Like me! Or, also like me, they avoid and get stuck in a rut because they don’t feel like they can approach a different way of coping with life.” Wow! That is ME as well! Today, I felt like I was stuck in a never ending rut of shame, self flogging, can’t seem to cope in any other way than with food, depressed, confused, angry, troglodyte for life, and ate all the peanut butter so now what am I going to do!!! 🙂 Thank you for your support on being brave and your thoughtful comments. Life is so magical because when I feel at my wits end, I come to Laurie’s website and find the nourishment I need. Thank you ALL brave companions. I feel hopeless some days and want to crawl under a rock for eternity, but with the compassion and bravery of the people here, I don’t feel so alone.

    Reply

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