Motherless Day

Laurie and her Mom
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Mother’s Day is Tough when you are missing your Mom

Spammed by Deals for ‘Mom’

Part of our culture is spending money to celebrate each other and occasions. My inbox has been inundated with deals and last chance offers to honor Mom on her special day. I wish I could join a “Do not remind” list for lost kids who aren’t ready to face up to the fact that they will never again call, post, or sign a card wishing their mom well. My last chance was that Friday I last saw her in the hospital. How carelessly I kissed her cheek and said, “See ya tomorrow, Mommy”.

You just never know.

Last year I used a special to send flowers with free shipping!

Mixed bouquet on a wooden lazy Susan

Mom sent me a photo last year of the flowers I sent for Mother’s Day. They are sitting on the same table where we ate while I was growing up on the Lazy Susan that passed the peas, the ketchup, the salt…

I also called and chatted a few minutes before she went to dinner with my brother and his family.

This year that f’ing FaceBook posted a HUGE reminder first thing. “It’s MOTHER’S DAY!” wish your mom well.

Reminder: Laurie stay off of Facebook.

I’m not sorry that Mother’s Day exists

I loved honoring my Mom and my Grandma. I loved how excited they would be over my childish gifts and handmade art when I was young. I loved sneaking out with Daddy to find presents and to make “pancakes” to surprise Mom. (The most lumpy, terrible, salty mess, which God bless her, she ate enthusiastically with a smile).

I was glad to have the chance to tell her I loved her.

I was glad to be a kid again.

I never knew that little stuff was little and arguments were pointless,

6 photos of baby Laurie in a turquoise frame.

One of the photos I retrieved off of Mom’s phone was this compilation of my baby pictures that hung in Mom’s bedroom. My brother’s was also there.

When Mom died, all that was left was love.

Now she’s gone.

But the love is here – just mixed with tears.

Maybe next year I’ll tie a card to a balloon and watch it soar.

To all of you who are mothers or still have living mothers, Happy Mother’s Day!

To those of us who are missing our loved ones, here’s a kiss and hug from me.
:::Smooches::::: xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Comments box:

14 thoughts on “Motherless Day

  1. Amy from WI

    Ah, Laurie…I’m sorry that Mother’s Day is causing you pain and reminding you of your loss. I am thankful that I don’t know how that feels, but I’m sorry that you do. Reading posts like yours, and conversations with friends who have lost their moms, have really made me rethink my relationship with my mom. For years, she drove me crazy and I could barely stand to be around her. For years, I blamed her for my food issues (if she hadn’t been so critical, I never would have needed to escape in the food). Now, I acknowledge that she is a human being with imperfections. I see that she loves me dearly and wants only the best for me. I know that she would do anything to help me. I understand that she has a critical personality and that is was nothing personal against me. I thank you for sharing your pain and helping me to understand that I only get my mom for a certain amount of time, so I better start enjoying her while I can. God bless, sweet Laurie….

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Thank you Amy. I very much relate and regret time wasted. I also thank you for your kindness. People-pleasing me felt that I shouldn’t rain on this day. But I felt that to honor my feelings of anger and loss vs. finding some chips, was the best way to remember Mom. Like you said, no matter what, Mom wanted the best for me and loved me. She just didn’t always know how to communicate in ways I understood and vice versa. I think as humans we ALL have that challenge. I’m thankful to feel your caring for me today and I care about you too. Xoxoxo

      Reply
    2. Sue Gordon

      Oh wow Amy, bless your gracious and forgiving heart! This sums up where I would like to be, but with the father I lost.

      Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Thank you Rabbit. I appreciate the support. It was a tough day in a year of “firsts” I guess. But it was also a fun day. Shortly after I posted this blog, Mark decided he would go with me to my voice over workout group and give it a try to see what I’ve been doing all of these years! That was really brave of him to go to a studio in front of voice talent and ‘do his thang’. So my first Motherless Day is mixed with fond memories, letting go and new experiences. Your support really does mean the world, as it is most difficult for me to show real when real is perceived by me as negative. xoxoxoxox

      Reply
  2. Sue Gordon

    Days like this can lead to so much pain for some alongside such joy for others. Well done you for vocalising your thoughts. Your sharing has helped me to identify my own feelings of loss. Bless you.

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Thank you Sue xoxoxoxox. And I am so very sorry that this is another journey we are sharing this year. But I’m happy to have a companion in it who understands and I want you to know I think of you often as we share this grief.

      Reply
  3. Mary S

    I’m catching up… I got to your episode and I think you said “motherless day” and I literally started crying. I can’t begin to understand what you’re going through and I never thought what it would be like the first mothers day without my mom… Oh Laurie. I’m so sorry. I love your balloon idea… You don’t have to wait, you can do that anytime you know… And I think it’s beautiful. Xoxoxo

    Reply
  4. Jo

    Dear dear Laurie,
    You are allowed to feel grief on the day when others are celebrating with their Mothers, I can only imagine how painful it was. And next year may well be similar grief and so this is also OK, you are the emotional person you are and that is nothing to apologise about or feel bad about.
    Hopefully the memory of being her daughter and her being your Mum in life was some comfort, and as you said was a weird sad and happy day for you after all.
    We celebrate in March in the UK and so it always throws me when other countries start talking about Mothers day in May.

    Your honesty and openness in your emotions is so brave and amazing, I really appreciate finding you. You feel like my friend and confidante so thank you for that

    The support of the dear BCs on this post shows you your impact and those that truly care about you
    take care
    Jo

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      This has been such a help.

      The support of the dear BCs on this post shows you your impact and those that truly care about you
      take care

      Thanks for being part of the circle of support that’s been helping me deal with my loss. xoxoxox

      Reply

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