Here I am pointing to my new daily inspiration. I found this magnet in a cool, hippy dippy, zen store on my way to stand-up comedy class.
Check out the wonderful poet and artist who made my inspiring magnet, Marylou Falstreau
So what does COMEDY have to do with it?
Well BCs, since last we spoke/wrote/thumbs-upped on Instagram to each other etc., I’ve been off being incredibly brave (or crazy) or maybe it’s the same thing? BESIDES live acting class, auditioning like mad for voice work and flitting around with laryngitis and other flu-like concerns, one of my voice actor friends persuaded me to join a beginning stand-up comedy class. You all know how I LOVE to tell funny stories, and often have an instinctual wit, so why not?
Telling jokes off the cuff and writing jokes are not the same. Noooooooooooooo! This has been the hardest kind of writing I’ve ever pursued. I shared this fact with my story writing group.
“But Laurie you are HILARIOUS, you MUST be exaggerating. When’s your class showcase, we want to come!”
“Well guys, I’m NOT exaggerating when I say I SUCK AS A COMEDIAN and I have Noooooooo intention of letting you know when my class-required show is going to be. I’m hoping to slink on and off stage incognito.”
“Where are you taking comedy class?” one of my writing buddies asked innocently.
“WhhhhaaaaHaaaaaHaaaa, Got you now! I know a person who works there, and I’ll find out.”
My buddy went on to mention the person in question who turned out to be my comedy teacher.
I never thought in one million years that I would let anyone actually know the deets about my comedy workshop appearance. The Bravery Coach was not demonstrating the best form of courage right then. I was hoping to change the subject and get off of this track, which I did.
Soon after that I was struck dumb with laryngitis and had to miss one week of comedy class. Dang it! Now I’m behind in learning how to write and deliver my set and I’m freaking the heck out. My voice actor/comedy friend came to the rescue. She arranged that all of us beginner comedians go together to an open mic and watch the other comedians work out material. Two from my class were even brave enough to jump right up and do their material for the first time. So inspiring. The comedians that day killed and died and everything in between. They all got feedback and none of them fainted or had heart attacks or were carted off by Martians for being unfunny. They all had fun and so did we.
It made me stop to consider what was creeping me out so much?
When I podcast, I’m either reading your comments, or talking off the top of my head. When I’m voice acting, I have a script. I have not had to memorize anything since the head trauma from my bike accident. I’m terrified that I will just blank out. It isn’t even worry about being funny or not, though I would LOVE to be funny on stage, it is fear of the stutter and the brain freeze in front of all of those people.
Then I REALLY had a new thought, “Ok Laurie, if you ARE going to stutter and brain freeze in front of all of those people, wouldn’t it be better if the audience was filled with those who love and support you?”
Good point! I am so used to hiding my imperfections that it didn’t cross my mind that I need to be myself. I need to admit my comedy and invite my friends. I need to trust myself that I will live through whatever happens and it will make a grand story to share together one way or another.
So I’m putting myself on the bravery report because I just emailed a bunch of friends and admitted I’m doing stand-up and let them know that they are welcome to come view the spectacle. And even if not one person can make the performance, I will tell my jokes with pride, because I learned to be proud of who I am in this moment. And I hope all of you BCs are proud of who you are too.
Bonus Medical Intuitive Eating Update
I just got all of my test results back from my blood work and annual checkup. After one year of non-dieting, and next to no bingeing or diet mentality, my weight is slightly down, all of my numbers are excellent and I’m in better health than ever (excepting the laryngitis). I have to admit I feared the cough drops might have pumped up my blood sugar, but nope, better than it’s been in years. Cholesterol great, kidneys great, everything great. And this morning I felt like eating coffee cake so I made one, ate one small piece, put the rest away and forgot it. It struck me just how different this felt from last year. Nothing felt out of the ordinary. I haven’t eaten coffee cake for months and months. I haven’t even really been eating sweets outside of the cough drops. I naturally eat when I feel the energy dip without thinking about it at all. I stop easily. I don’t think about food until I’m hungry. The only time I crave food sometimes is from a passing good smell when I’m out and about. If it strikes me hard enough, I will on occasion get some of that tempting food, but usually I just shrug it off saying, “Hmm THAT smells good,” and go on with my day. When I started this experiment almost 2 years ago, I had no idea this is where I’d land. In fact one of my beginner comedian friends was working on a joke that he feared might be offensive to those with eating disorders and asked if any of us in the class had one. I started to raise my hand, and then I thought, “No I don’t. I don’t have an eating disorder anymore.”
Time to let go of my eating disorder identity and move on to being an actor/storyteller/comedian who weighs whatever she weighs and eats when she’s hungry. Not a bad thing to be.
PS. My comedy teacher told me I am NOT FAT ENOUGH to tell fat jokes. Made me mad at first, but then I realized just how crazy that was. I’m not fat enough to be a fat comedian. I’ll just have to be an aging hippy, dippy, zen comedian with an attitude. Teacher says I’m great at that!