Tag Archives: bike riding

Ep 0156 – Smile! It’s Our 4th Anniversary

Laurie wearing a tiara that spells out the word BRAVE while smiling before her studio mic.
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I express extra bravery in my studio by wearing my BRAVE Tiara – a gift made by BC Suz for my 55th birthday.

Podcast Recap

Celebrate 4 years of sharing together on COD. The power of smiling. In After Thoughts, I ponder gratitude and disappointment. BCs Jo from the U.K. and Josephine send their good wishes and bravery. While wearing my BRAVE tiara, a special 55th birthday gift from BC Suz, I ask the BCs for a special birthday gift for my 59th. Mark shares a quote that enhances his word of the year. Supportive and thoughtful comments from BCs Dave, Dawny, Jo from the U.K., Sue from the U.K. and Josephine. Sue from the U.K shares her quote inspired by her recent bike bravery. Mark and I are on the BC Bravery Sports Report for persisting with our bike training despite setbacks. We relate to Sue’s story and are so proud of Sue.

Laurie and Mark in bike helmets - Mark is in his signature purple Hawaiian shirt

Mark and I before one of our long river rides,


Laurie smiling under the tree at the podcast rock - hatless, wearing a mulit-colored headband and glasses.

Learning to smile on the podcast rock – even when life provides opportunities to work through obstacles.

Mentioned

The Last Show and comments

How to Send Audio – Including Instructions for Recording for the Bravery Song and for Quotes

Day 96 – the Show where I talk about Disappointment not being Devestation

BC Dave’s great comment where he tells lessons he’s learned about Grace and welcomes new BCs

Read our Inspirational Quotes from today – and Find an Available Quote to send

Fionna’s Brave Companion Song

Ways to support the show financially

Credits

Host: Laurie Weaver
After Thoughts Announcer: Mark Weaver
After Thoughts Commentator: Laurie Weaver
After Thoughts Commentator: Jo from the U.K.
After Thoughts Commentator: Josephine
BC Bravery Sports Report Announcer: Mark Weaver
BC Bravery Sports Reporter: Laurie and Mark
Quote by Eleanor Roosevelt Voiced by: Mark
Quote by Bethany Hamilton Voiced by: Sue from the U.K.

Sounds Used in BC Bravery Sports Report

    Sports music
    http://www.freesound.org/people/club%20sound/sounds/107330/

    Fanfare
    http://www.freesound.org/people/jobro/sounds/156516/

    Sports crowd
    http://www.freesound.org/people/kellieskitchen/sounds/209991/

Other Sounds

  • Crowd Cheering
    http://www.freesound.org/people/xtrsounder/sounds/202498/
  • Applause
    http://www.freesound.org/people/bulbastre/sounds/132154/

Circle by Hartley used with permission by agreement with SHUTTERSTOCK MUSIC CANADA ULC

Other Sounds and Music used with permission from AudioBlocks and IBAudio including:

Today’s Custom Background Music

Sue’s Quote – Active Life
Mark’s Quote – The Future is Bright
Laurie’s After Thoughts – Celebration Time
Jo from UK and Josephine – Just Too Happy for Words
Laurie and Mark on the BC Bravery Sports Report – Street Biking

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Feeling Fat and Other Binge Triggers

Laurie on the couch with Tiger, a ginger cat, on her tummy and Gracie a tabby cat, is on a high cat perch.
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Mark snaps this pic of me relaxing with our furry family. Gracie, the tabby on the perch is the mama of Tiger, the ginger cat perching on my tummy. How does this peaceful scene contribute to feeling fat?

Feeling Fat is my River of Death

Actually, I love the photo above that Mark took of me and my beloved cats. It is an excellent photo of them, and not at all bad of me, considering I am prone in the double chin emphasizing position and had no time to wiggle myself into anything more flattering. As I discussed last blog post in, Half a chocolate and other Christmas Miracles! where I share my inner and outer distress at the ‘candid full body shots’ at the santa house by the slender samaritan (bitch), I am not feeling very good in my body at the moment, i.e., I feel FAT.

This feeling is not helped one iota by the January onslaught of diet center ads, FB resolution pages and our societal obsession with us all ‘getting back on track’ to rid ourselves of holiday poundage like a bunch of lemmings headed over the calorie-counting, carb-eliminating, boot-camp challenging cliff. And moi? I’m USED to the siren call of January. It’s in my blood like the salmon returning home to spawn – no matter that it’s against the current for the salmon AND they get to DIE after doing their genetic duty. They can’t HELP IT! It’s their instinctive programming. Their nature.

My nature is to feel fat, feel bad, feel that ‘getting back on track’ and THIS TIME shaping my out of control ass and thighs into buns of steel and a bass to be about is 100% in my habitual DNA. It’s one thing to sip tea and nibble French butter cookies when your pants zip easily. Oh brother, is it 1000 time harder when those pants feel tight.

Bike Fat

Two days ago Mark and I decided to do hill work on the bike and ride from the Pasadena Rosebowl to Descanso Gardens and back. It was a cold day. So, I got the bone-headed idea to try and wiggle into my cold-weather bike tights. Now, bike-tights are SUPPOSED to be tight and compress you, like panty hose on steroids. And I’m shocked and amazed that I managed to get them over my rear and tummy with multiple prayers and gatherings of fabric from the ankles with the torturous pinch and pull technique to move said fabric higher. Finally, well ensconced and walking like a sausage out into the weather. I came to a screeeeeeching halt. “Crap!”

“What’s wrong honey?”

“It’s not even f-ing cold enough to wear these ^%#$%@%$@$% tights, now, not ONLY am a gd sausage, I’m doing to sweat like an f-ing pig!” (Hope no kids were around to hear the state of my language rage).

I was frustrated. Pulling on bike tights when you are up several pounds is not conducive to feeling good in your body.

Mark has a solution.

“Why don’t you change clothes?”

Hmm. Why not change clothes? Why hadn’t that occurred to me?

Because gosh darn it, it had taken FOREVER TO SQUEEZE INTO THESE! Have you ever stuck with a bad idea because of all of the energy you’ve already thrown into it? This was an example of this.

“You’re right!”

Off to change into bike pants that fit and a fun, sunny ride.

Laurie and Mark in bike gear in front of the Descanso Gardens sign

Hooray! We made it up the hills and inclines to Descanso. Now it’s downhill from here baby!

SCREW YOU FEELING FAT!

Yesterday, I woke up, checked in with myself and despite the great bike ride of the day before, STILL FELT FAT! I distracted myself with the computer, then saw several diet center ads in my FB stream and plus size offers from Macy’s in my inbox. ARRRGGGHHHHH! Then several friends announced new diets, complete with scale information and other diet mentality triggers for me. OMG, will January NEVER END!? Er Laurie, it’s only the first days of January.

Ok, Ok, I got this. I got this. I’ll go on a SCREW YOU FEELING FAT WALK down to the park. I won’t worry about miles, speed, calories burned, anything. I’ll take the time to savor what I see and the experience. I’ll put it on Instagram.

And I did have a great walk! Here are some samples of my IG adventures.

Laurie sniffs a half peeled mandarin orange under an oak tree in the park

I stop to smell the ‘tangerines’.

Laurie points to a tree in the distance in the park

I’m pointing to the tree in the distance where you can barely see a rock. That is the podcast rock away from the main trail that I usually record from when I’m not talking while walking in the park.

back trail in the park. Blue skies with full round sun seen behind trees

The sun shines brightly on the back trail

And if you want to see the entire walk, check out my Instagram page at LaurieDreamWeaver

OLD FRENEMIES Come to Call

Alien Robots are attacking me with bags of chips

Robot Aliens are what I call my binge behavior

Oh my Lordy, I went most of the day feeling fine in my slightly tighter jeans, but I just didn’t feel well about myself. I felt the familiar FAT is BAD, you are FAT hence YOU are BAD feelings that I am used to, but I also felt something more. I felt alone. I felt left out. Not invited to the calorie-counting lemming party. I couldn’t post my scale numbers, my after photos, my wonderful progress with my shiny new January diet. I was there in my newly too-tight pants, eating vegan and wondering, “What the hell am I doing?”

Who the heck would care about what I’m going through? Now, brave companions, pretty darn ironic, since YOU CARE and have proven over and over that you do, but some snits have NOTHING to do with logic or reality. This snit ran deep into that lonely little girl territory. All of those years where I wasn’t cool, not invited, and if I was invited, the butt of jokes and pranks. Feeling left out and different from the herd is terrifying. If I would just go on a diet, I could feel ok. Not because of my size, but because I would fit into the behavior of the crowd. I would be one with the January lemmings as usual. But I CAN’T go on a diet. I’m Intuitive Eating. I know diets aren’t for me. Hear the trigger BCs? I CAN’T go on a diet. So what does my rebel lonely subconscious do? It calls in the Robot Aliens. If a binge can’t convince her she needs to diet, what will? I binged to convince myself to belong. It was too scary not.

Salmon anyone?

I’ve always been a salmon, I even wrote a pretty great blog post that nobody much read on Daily Adventure Tales, called What’s it Like to be in the Water?. Take a read if you have a moment.

But all of these themes are coming to mind. Alone. Separate. Nobody cares. These are some of my deeper reasons for compulsive eating. Stay safely alone – fat. Be part of the crowd – fat. Worry about something other than emotional pain – fat.

This time I won’t be a salmon or a lemming. I’ll take each day as it comes. And if I CHOOSE to diet I will. If I CHOOSE not to diet I won’t. If I CHOOSE to eat meat I will. If I CHOOSE to forgo some treat I will. I’m not going to tell myself CAN’T anymore. I can take it. I can make decisions. I can change my mind. I can change my outlook. I can change the quality of my life.

*No salmon or lemmings were harmed during the writing of this blog post.

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Half a chocolate and other Christmas Miracles!

Coffee cup and half of a chocolate on a table
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It’s a Christmas Eve Miracle! I only ate half of this chocolate, and I even like it. It was just that one bite was enough.

A Different Kind of Christmas

This my dears, is the true Christmas story of Laurie, Mark, and the impact of Intuititve Eating. Mark and I made a different kind of Christmas for ourselves this year. No family or friends were on our horizon, so we decided to turn our solitude into an adventure opportunity. We took off in our convertible up the coast to the Danish town of Solvang. Here’s just one of the incredible views we saw on the way.

Sunset by the coast.

One of the many beautiful vistas we saw driving up to Solvang.

As you can see from the very first photo in this story, I had some amazing Intuititve Eating success and progress. I also had some challenges. Intutitive Eating for me is more than about how much food I eat. It’s also about accepting myself with kindness and love, and making decisions that allow me to have the most authentic and relationship-primary life I can. What a weird phrase I just coined, ‘Relationship-primary’. But it IS one of my goals, because frankly, my food and my body concerns have been my top concern over everything and everybody else for most of my life. That’s what disordered eating is. Just like any addiction, not only does it mess with you with physical consequences, it messes with your life in the form of off-kilter choices in how you deal with people and events.

A Dawn of a New Day

Dawn streaked clouds in blue sky

Amazing dawn greets me from the terrace of our room. I get to have coffee with this view.


This amazing photo was taken at the same time as I ate half of a chocolate, the dawn of Christmas Eve. A wonderful chance gave us one of the few rooms in this hotel that has a terrace outside of its sliding door. I took advantage to relax and take in my surroundings. To observe the beauty of nature, somewhat privately, yet hearing the hotel-piped Christmas music is a relaxing and gratitude inducing experience. At this moment, all was right with my world.

The Good

When I went down to get my coffee, I was greeted with a winter wonderland and an explosion of holiday decorations. I LOVED it. I felt festive and happy.

Laurie in front of the character, Olaf from Frozen

Olaf and I have a tender moment. The hotel has a whole area dedicated to photo ops from the movie, Frozen. Fun to watch the kids get excited here.

Another fun thing I love here is the chance to play ‘Bad Cats’ – my favorite pinball machine. It brings me back to my youth when there was no digital anything. When cameras had film, phone had cords, and teen hangouts had pinball wizards. Sadly, I wasn’t a wizard, but I LOVED to play. Pinball takes me outside of my body and all concentration is on those buzzers and bells. The machines are physical in how you gain feedback in a way video games are not. I love to play pinball. Mark and I had fun taking turns and laughing as much when we quickly lost our ball as when we made all of the buzzers sound and heard the exciting cry of ‘Bad Cats’.

Laurie in front of pinball machine - Bad Cats

One of my favorite things to do at this property. They have old style pinball – Bad Cats! It meows, hisses and makes me laugh.

Solvang – More Good – Mostly

Horse drawn trolley with Belgium Draft horses

Mark wants to go on the horse trolley tour of the Danish style town of Solvang. We did, it was awesome!

Solvang is a Danish style town up in the wine country of Santa Ynez. It was depicted well in the male-mid-life-crisis-buddy picture, Sideways. Mark and I in fact, ate dinner the night before Christmas Eve at the Hitching Post, the restaurant featured in Sideways. Delish! We ate for hours, drank a fine pinot, and I had no feeling of fear or of being overstuffed. I ate just enough for me and enjoyed it throughly. It was a good memory and enjoying our meal and each other was the focus of our night. Relationship-Primary Success!

Next day, at Solvang, Mark broke character and bought me a Christmas gift. This is what he used to do early in our marriage. But because we are such savers, we haven’t done something like this for a long time. Usually, we just window shop, if at all, not wanting more stuff to clean or to spend our money unwisely. We tend to go for exerience over things. But this cat pin feels like both. More of a souvenir of a great day, proof of Mark’s thoughtful knowlege of what I like, and a trinket I can hold rather than just another dust collector.

Close up of a gold cat pin with blue shell in center

Mark picked out and bought me this stylish cat pin in Solvang. I LOVE when he finds me gifts – we don’t do this as much as we used to, being retired and having tons of stuff. But this was special.

We also laughed and drank at the beer garden some dunkel bier (dark beer) in memory of my dad, who would have LOVED to be in a beer garden – not because he ever drank much (I inherit my low tolerance from him) but because of his love of all things German.

Laurie seated across a table raises a small beer with a huge glass of beer in the foreground

Mark enjoyed the contrast between my small and his large beer at the beer garden.

The Bad

As you can imagine from our ‘horsing around’, trinket shopping and beer garden adventures, we were feeling very jolly. We danced in a gazebo in a park and spied a Santa House and chair. We laughed and decided to grab a ‘Santa Selfie’ for fun. Enter the samaritan who insists on taking our photo for us to ‘include’ everything.

All of a sudden I’m not having fun. I’m feeling anxious, puffy, fat, out of control and this slender, kind, woman (bitch) is taking forever to snap many full body shots of a scene I don’t want to see. In it, I look strained, because I am not SITTING on Mark’s lap, I am perching holding my own weight. We thought our selfie to take 3 seconds. This went on and on and on. Again, she was being kind, and wanted a photo of hersef in return.

Here’s the evil (in my mind) result.

Laurie sites on Mark's lap at the Santa house

I’m being brave here. A lady took this photo, and not being prepared, I now get the chance to see what we look like at this angle. Normally, I’d discard or crop this result. But it was such a fun moment, I’m learning to accept ALL of myself, unflattering angles or not.

Between my murderous rage, and the maturity to write the miraculous caption above for the Santa photo, much went down.

Feeling Ugly

After the none-too-soon exit of the kind photo snapping stranger, Mark reviewed the photos on his phone and stealed himself for the question, he knew was coming.

‘Honey, is this a bad picture or do I look this way?’

‘Er…uh…Sorry, Hon, you look this way.’

‘WHAT?! When did THAT happen?’

‘Er I think with all of our going out and all…”

‘WHEN!’

‘I think you’ve been puting on some weight the last 3 weeks’ (This was said all in a rush).

I collapse in a puddle of tears, embarrassment and disgrace.I’m speechless with self-deceit, disappointment in my size, and remorse for my ‘food sin’ that obviously got me to this state of woe but WORSE is that I feel these painful emoitions. Aren’t I doing well with Intuitive Eating? Aren’t I self-accepting? How the hell have I been wearing the same size and putting on 10 pounds at least? How? How? HOW? And HOW COME I FEEL THESE OLD SHAME FEELINGS ON CHRISTMAS!

More Miracles

Now as we have discussed many times, Mark is wonderful, but emotional discusions are not his strong suit. This time, he simply held me and let me cry. His shirt was soaked, he kissed my hair – he NEVER kisses my hair, and said, we’ve been eating out a lot. We haven’t been exercising as much, and you are still you – remember?

Still me?

He’s right! It’s ok to feel all of my feelings. I DID feel all of those bad feelings. I didn’t ask for more beer, or chocolate, or pastry. I cried on Mark’s shirt.

We went on to celebrate our hotel Christmas Eve with a music box we fell in love with.

Then on Christmas we caught a movie

Laurie by Into the Woods movie poster

Me by the Into the Woods movie poster. We saw the first show on Christmas Day.

Mark decided to be a photographer all day to take photos that celebrate how much fun I have and how good it feels to be me, no matter what I weigh.

Laurie in a red convertible with bikes leaned against it

Mark thought it woud be cute to show me in our red car with our red bikes in my red helmut. I’m ALWAYS happy in my car.

Then a Christmas bike ride – Mark made the effort to show me how strong I am.

Finally, back to the hotel after a long day of fun, hugs and feeling glad to be me.

Laurie leans on a white bridge with characters from Frozen and white Christmas trees in the background

I’m feeling like a princess in the photo place where you can meet up with Elsa, Olaf and other characters from Frozen. Mark has been MY prince this day.

Intutitive Eating

Intuitive Eating for me is a way to connect with my body and my feelings. It isn’t a magic pill. It doesn’t guarentee to make you thinner. It doesn’t wipe out all of the negative thought patterns built up over a life time. But my practice of it, did lead to true communication with my husband, true looks at myself, inside and out, and a true appreciation for all of my life, body, mind and soul. If that’s not a Christmas miracle, what is? Hope your holidays were wonderful BCs, but if you had some struggles, feel free to share. I understand.

If you would like to see more photos and videos of our trip, check me out on Instagram at LaurieDreamWeaver and look for the hashtag #ChristmasInCalifornia
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Ep 0091 – Bonus – Buck Tradition! Our Thanksgiving by the Sea

Laurie in bike gear looking out at waves on a beach
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I gaze out at the waves during an early morning bike ride in Ventura. I’m very happy to be here and NOT out fighting for bargains on the day after Thanksgiving

Podcast Recap

The day after Thanksgiving I hit the bike path along the coast of Ventura to ponder my own Thanksgiving memories and to wonder, do we NEED to keep doing things the way we always have? Stéfanie from Quebec comments on Thanksgiving in Canada, Amy from WI has a great Thanksgiving and Cheryl’s hubby has a surprising victory on Turkey day.

Waves, sand, palm trees, path.

Looking at part of the bike path in Ventura in the early morning.

Waves crash along the beach on a sunny day with no clouds

Here is a close up view of the waves you can hear in Day 91’s episode.

Mark fastens bikes to the back of a red convertible on a sunny day by palm trees

Mark puts the bikes back on our red convertible. This car is my pride and joy, but since I retired it only comes out for road trips or to take company who want a true California experience for rides in our neighborhood.

Mentioned

Here you can find out ALL about American Thanksgiving Traditions and history thanks to the History Channel

My Thanksgiving blog post

Stéfanie from Quebec’s comment about Thanksgiving in Canada

Amy from WI’s wonderful Thanksgiving report

Cheryl’s report about her hubby’s Thanksgiving success

Intuitive Eating Book on Amazon – please use the links below

Intuitive Eating

Ways to support the show financially

Want to have Fun Being Foolish too?

Participate in our new feature called “Foolish Fun“. Just call the bravery hotline 206-350-6445 or check out the send audio page on http://www.compulsiveovereatingdiary.com/how-to-send-audio/
And tell us a joke, riddle, a silly story, limerick, sing a song, play a kazoo, ANYTHING but talk about compulsive eating. This is the feature where messing up is just part of the act! No names required and Silly Aliases are AOK! Need ideas? See Day 54’s Resource of the Day for my page of ToonaCat Jokes

Catch up with Laurie

My Spreaker page. Please follow me there if you are on Spreaker.

My Instagram page at LaurieDreamWeaver

FaceBook Page if you want to sign up for our email list by clicking Tiger the Cat’s Sign-up button

My Second Twitter Account JUST for bravery sayings @TheBraveryCoach

Laurie on Tumblr

My page with instructions for all of the ways (so far) that you can send audio and lend your voice to this podcast.

New free way to leave voicemail http://speakpipe.com/laurieweaver You can also click the blue button on this page that says ‘send a voice message.’

Bravery Hotline

Leave your comments, questions, feelings and stories on Laurie’s podcast voicemail hotline – 206-350-6445.

Credits

Host: Laurie Weaver
Main Theme:I’m Letting Go by Josh Woodward from The Simple Life Part 1

I’m Letting Go (Josh Woodward) / CC BY 3.0

Resource of the day

Continue reading

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And now for something COMPLETELY different…

Laurie and Mark smile wearing bike helmets
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We’re all smiles as we complete our regular 15-mile route today. First time since my back issues.

Today I woke up in a cold sweat of worry and rumination. Is the podcast dying? Am I screwing up yet again? Am I getting fatter? Am I fooling myself? Yada Yada Yada…

What happened? When last we left the ranch, wasn’t Laurie ascending the mountain, feeling spiffy and proclaiming endless love for this project?

True.

I felt successful and happy.

Punch to the gut. I DON’T KNOW HOW TO BE SUCCESSFUL AND HAPPY!

I’m used to crappy and failure. Fat despite all heroic attempts, projects burning, relationships abandoned, and moody swings-are-me.

I’m definitely whipping’ up a massive blue period for myself these days!

Here’s the recipe:

Laurie’s Big Old Batch of Blue

Ingredients:

  • Self-Doubt
  • self-criticism
  • Self-Centric
  • Circumstances beyond control
  • Strong need to control circumstances beyond control
  • Worry
  • Rumination
  • Extra Worry
  • Physical limits
  • Strong need to pay NO ATTENTION to physical limits
  • Tendency to rage when thwarted
  • Strong feeling that rage is bad
  • Tendency to ergo turn rage toward self
  • Tendency to feel thwarted by circumstances beyond control

Instructions:

  1. Live Life
  2. Encounter a challenge
  3. Add a sprinkling of other human beings reacting to their own challenges
  4. Take responsibility for said other reactions
  5. Stir ingredients over and over and over until frothy
  6. Think on these endlessly until Big Old Batch of Blue is ready.
  7. To Test if done, poke self endlessly until maximum pain causes self to throw in some important towel.

Whatever you do, keep kindness, tolerance, reaching out to friends, honest self-expression, self-understanding, fun bike rides and snarky weird blog posts away, as they may cause Big Old Batch of Blue to self-destruct and hopeful ‘joy despite all odds’ to reappear.

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