Tag Archives: emotional eating

Ep 0174 – What Does it Mean to be Authentic?

Laurie Smiling under a tree with glasses.
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Here I am feeling authentic while the flies are buzzing me in my fashionable denim vest.

Podcast Recap

BC Jody inspires me to think about being authentic. BC Dave shares a resource about the new journey he started with his wife, BC Kathleen. BC Kelly shows support for my acting. We dance our socks off to a new song by Josh Woodward.

Water bottle on a large boulder in a green gully under trees.

Cool accidental photo I phone snapped of the podcast rock itself. You don’t see the flies dive bombing my water though!


The Last Show, with comments from BC Kelly.

Ep 0009 – The Diet and Binge Trigger Tightrope. How do we balance? With comment by BC Jody.

My Voice Acting website where you can hear my demos and learn more about that side of my life

BC Dave’s Health Coach recommendation

Ways to support the show financially

Credits

Host: Laurie Weaver
Music With No Good-bye by Josh Woodward. From his newest album, The Shade from Our Trees Free download: http://joshwoodward.com/

Lyrics

The spotlight, was burning like a flame
I was, a body and a name
And all the rest was gone

Trapped like a hermit in a cage
I left the others on the stage
And still the show went on

Take a bow, from the back of the crowd
It’s over now

And I now see
The world turns without me
My shoulders never bore the heavy burden
I was just another person

And the sun rose
Before the age of pharaohs
And after I am gone, another dawn will fill the sky
With no goodbye

I crave the comfort and control
Then chase the rabbit down the hole
And wonder why I’m lost

I build a palace so serene
Then douse it all with gasoline
I light a match and watch

Let it burn, without an ounce of concern
I never learn

[Chorus]

And I’m steering, away from what I’m fearing
But every twist and turn’s a new concern that burns my soul

The rudder’s rusted tight and I’m careening through the night
I let it go and take me where it will

[Chorus]

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Feeling Fat and Other Binge Triggers

Laurie on the couch with Tiger, a ginger cat, on her tummy and Gracie a tabby cat, is on a high cat perch.
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Mark snaps this pic of me relaxing with our furry family. Gracie, the tabby on the perch is the mama of Tiger, the ginger cat perching on my tummy. How does this peaceful scene contribute to feeling fat?

Feeling Fat is my River of Death

Actually, I love the photo above that Mark took of me and my beloved cats. It is an excellent photo of them, and not at all bad of me, considering I am prone in the double chin emphasizing position and had no time to wiggle myself into anything more flattering. As I discussed last blog post in, Half a chocolate and other Christmas Miracles! where I share my inner and outer distress at the ‘candid full body shots’ at the santa house by the slender samaritan (bitch), I am not feeling very good in my body at the moment, i.e., I feel FAT.

This feeling is not helped one iota by the January onslaught of diet center ads, FB resolution pages and our societal obsession with us all ‘getting back on track’ to rid ourselves of holiday poundage like a bunch of lemmings headed over the calorie-counting, carb-eliminating, boot-camp challenging cliff. And moi? I’m USED to the siren call of January. It’s in my blood like the salmon returning home to spawn – no matter that it’s against the current for the salmon AND they get to DIE after doing their genetic duty. They can’t HELP IT! It’s their instinctive programming. Their nature.

My nature is to feel fat, feel bad, feel that ‘getting back on track’ and THIS TIME shaping my out of control ass and thighs into buns of steel and a bass to be about is 100% in my habitual DNA. It’s one thing to sip tea and nibble French butter cookies when your pants zip easily. Oh brother, is it 1000 time harder when those pants feel tight.

Bike Fat

Two days ago Mark and I decided to do hill work on the bike and ride from the Pasadena Rosebowl to Descanso Gardens and back. It was a cold day. So, I got the bone-headed idea to try and wiggle into my cold-weather bike tights. Now, bike-tights are SUPPOSED to be tight and compress you, like panty hose on steroids. And I’m shocked and amazed that I managed to get them over my rear and tummy with multiple prayers and gatherings of fabric from the ankles with the torturous pinch and pull technique to move said fabric higher. Finally, well ensconced and walking like a sausage out into the weather. I came to a screeeeeeching halt. “Crap!”

“What’s wrong honey?”

“It’s not even f-ing cold enough to wear these ^%#$%@%$@$% tights, now, not ONLY am a gd sausage, I’m doing to sweat like an f-ing pig!” (Hope no kids were around to hear the state of my language rage).

I was frustrated. Pulling on bike tights when you are up several pounds is not conducive to feeling good in your body.

Mark has a solution.

“Why don’t you change clothes?”

Hmm. Why not change clothes? Why hadn’t that occurred to me?

Because gosh darn it, it had taken FOREVER TO SQUEEZE INTO THESE! Have you ever stuck with a bad idea because of all of the energy you’ve already thrown into it? This was an example of this.

“You’re right!”

Off to change into bike pants that fit and a fun, sunny ride.

Laurie and Mark in bike gear in front of the Descanso Gardens sign

Hooray! We made it up the hills and inclines to Descanso. Now it’s downhill from here baby!

SCREW YOU FEELING FAT!

Yesterday, I woke up, checked in with myself and despite the great bike ride of the day before, STILL FELT FAT! I distracted myself with the computer, then saw several diet center ads in my FB stream and plus size offers from Macy’s in my inbox. ARRRGGGHHHHH! Then several friends announced new diets, complete with scale information and other diet mentality triggers for me. OMG, will January NEVER END!? Er Laurie, it’s only the first days of January.

Ok, Ok, I got this. I got this. I’ll go on a SCREW YOU FEELING FAT WALK down to the park. I won’t worry about miles, speed, calories burned, anything. I’ll take the time to savor what I see and the experience. I’ll put it on Instagram.

And I did have a great walk! Here are some samples of my IG adventures.

Laurie sniffs a half peeled mandarin orange under an oak tree in the park

I stop to smell the ‘tangerines’.

Laurie points to a tree in the distance in the park

I’m pointing to the tree in the distance where you can barely see a rock. That is the podcast rock away from the main trail that I usually record from when I’m not talking while walking in the park.

back trail in the park. Blue skies with full round sun seen behind trees

The sun shines brightly on the back trail

And if you want to see the entire walk, check out my Instagram page at LaurieDreamWeaver

OLD FRENEMIES Come to Call

Alien Robots are attacking me with bags of chips

Robot Aliens are what I call my binge behavior

Oh my Lordy, I went most of the day feeling fine in my slightly tighter jeans, but I just didn’t feel well about myself. I felt the familiar FAT is BAD, you are FAT hence YOU are BAD feelings that I am used to, but I also felt something more. I felt alone. I felt left out. Not invited to the calorie-counting lemming party. I couldn’t post my scale numbers, my after photos, my wonderful progress with my shiny new January diet. I was there in my newly too-tight pants, eating vegan and wondering, “What the hell am I doing?”

Who the heck would care about what I’m going through? Now, brave companions, pretty darn ironic, since YOU CARE and have proven over and over that you do, but some snits have NOTHING to do with logic or reality. This snit ran deep into that lonely little girl territory. All of those years where I wasn’t cool, not invited, and if I was invited, the butt of jokes and pranks. Feeling left out and different from the herd is terrifying. If I would just go on a diet, I could feel ok. Not because of my size, but because I would fit into the behavior of the crowd. I would be one with the January lemmings as usual. But I CAN’T go on a diet. I’m Intuitive Eating. I know diets aren’t for me. Hear the trigger BCs? I CAN’T go on a diet. So what does my rebel lonely subconscious do? It calls in the Robot Aliens. If a binge can’t convince her she needs to diet, what will? I binged to convince myself to belong. It was too scary not.

Salmon anyone?

I’ve always been a salmon, I even wrote a pretty great blog post that nobody much read on Daily Adventure Tales, called What’s it Like to be in the Water?. Take a read if you have a moment.

But all of these themes are coming to mind. Alone. Separate. Nobody cares. These are some of my deeper reasons for compulsive eating. Stay safely alone – fat. Be part of the crowd – fat. Worry about something other than emotional pain – fat.

This time I won’t be a salmon or a lemming. I’ll take each day as it comes. And if I CHOOSE to diet I will. If I CHOOSE not to diet I won’t. If I CHOOSE to eat meat I will. If I CHOOSE to forgo some treat I will. I’m not going to tell myself CAN’T anymore. I can take it. I can make decisions. I can change my mind. I can change my outlook. I can change the quality of my life.

*No salmon or lemmings were harmed during the writing of this blog post.

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Ep 0017 – Birthday Trip Results, Listener Questions, Sneak Eating and those darn Girl Scout Cookies!

Podcasting during a windstorm (Santa Anas).
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Trying to keep my hat on while Podcasting during the Santa Anas (windstorm).

Podcast Recap

I share the final results and details of my successful birthday in Vegas where I tried out Plan “Be”. New listener, Rafael, posts some questions about what might be behind his overeating. A brave listener writes me about her troubles with sneak eating and bingeing with Girl Scout cookies.

Mentioned

Episode 12 “Plan Be”

Episode 13 – the episode where Rafael bravely posts his questions. Please stop by and offer your thoughts and encouragement.

Bravery Hotline

Leave your comments, questions, feelings and stories on Laurie’s podcast voicemail hotline – 206-350-6445.

Credits

Host: Laurie Weaver
Guest Voices: Amy and Jason

Main Theme: I’m Letting Go by Josh Woodward from The Simple Life Part 1

I’m Letting Go (Josh Woodward) / CC BY 3.0

Resource of the day

Do you sneak eat? A thought provoking post by Martha Ross on Crazy in Suburbia. It features a critique of the story, The Fat Girl, that is sad and familiar if you’ve ever been prone to eating in private. Interesting to know that this behavior is wide enough that it makes it into art.
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Ep 0016 – Progress in Vegas and a Song my Father would Love.

Mark and I at the Wynn Las Vegas, the day before my double nickel B-Day
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My hubby and I at the Wynn in Las Vegas the day before my double nickel birthday.

Podcast Recap

An update on how I’m handling my emotion-charged Vegas birthday trip. What ever happened to my lost microphone? How we can torture ourselves with negative thoughts. Janet calls the Bravery hotline, so I keep my promise and sing a song my father would love. Shout-outs to Ava, Janet and Crystal.

Mentioned

The episode Ava commented on about expectations and disappointments. Take a look and give her a reply.

Bravery Hotline

Leave your comments, questions, feelings and stories on Laurie’s podcast voicemail hotline – 206-350-6445.

Credits

Host: Laurie Weaver
Guest Voice: Janet from NC

Main Theme: I’m Letting Go by Josh Woodward from The Simple Life Part 1

I’m Letting Go (Josh Woodward) / CC BY 3.0

Resource of the day

Birthday Quotes – Let’s Celebrate Fun, thought-provoking and inspirational quotes all about the “B” word – no, not THAT B-word,birthdays!
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Ep 0015 – Uncomfortable Emotions Unmasked without Food Obsession

My upper Zen spot at the top of the hiking trail
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My Zen podcasting spot at the top of the hiking trail.

Podcast Recap

Deeper issues are revealed as I experience life without the mask of food. Shout-outs to new listener, Michelle, and to my new online, buddy, Crystal for posting encouragement after I asked for help dealing with my upcoming birthday trip to Vegas. Also gratitude to Carrie, from the Bitesize Vitality Podcast who took time to email me after we both made New and Noteworthy on Itunes.

Mentioned

The birthday cry for help. Please post some encouragement.

Carrie’s Bitesize Vitality Podcast on Facebook

Bravery Hotline- call this week and I will sing on a podcast! (now that’s brave or crazy, but what the heck!)

Leave your comments, questions, feelings and stories on Laurie’s podcast voicemail hotline – 206-350-6445.

Credits

Host: Laurie Weaver

Main Theme: I’m Letting Go by Josh Woodward from The Simple Life Part 1

I’m Letting Go (Josh Woodward) / CC BY 3.0

Resource of the day

How to Deal with Uncomfortable Emotions without Drowning an interesting article by Holly Woods, life coach. Not specific to eating issues, but very interesting take on discomfort in general and some of the reasons we may stuff emotions down.
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