Tag Archives: laurie weaver

Ep 0120 – The Grand Finale

Laurie and Mark in front of the mic
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So long, Adieu, Auf Wiedersehen, Adiós, Cheerio! From Mark and me in our new sound studio. We’ve had a great time making this show and we send you much love along with it.

Podcast Recap

The epic end of the series. I visit all three of my regular podcast spots and walk down memory lane as well as look toward the future. Features include – a new song by BC Fionna Lane titled A Light in the Dark. A live radio play written by BC David Glowen, directed by David Babich and starring professional and student voice actors. Good-bye audio messages from Cheryl, Sue from the UK, BC Dave, Stéfanie from Quebec, María from Spain and Fionna. Foolish Fun with Dawny Taylor. Stéfanie’s Secret Topic. Stories read by members of the writing group. Good-bye comments from BCs. We welcome the last new BC, Petra. An interview with Alen Standish. Hear my work in the sound booth with voice acting director David Babich as we work on my professional demo. Mark stands in one last time for my scale, and much much more!

At Descanso Gardens

Laurie blows a kiss near an oak tree

A kiss from Descanso Gardens


A wooden bench near an oak tree

The actual podcast bench by the dry river bed at Descanso Gardens


dry river bed

The view of the dry river bed from the podcast bench at Descanso Gardens

Mentioned at Descanso Gardens

Cheryl’s blog, Impromptu Promptlings
Dr. Nina Savelle-Rocklin’s Win the Diet War

Ways to continue to support the show financially

At The Podcast Rock at My Local Park

Laurie in glasses smiling with hat brim turned up

I’m having fun recording Stéfanie’s Secret Topic on the podcast rock


Boulders in the woods under trees

The actual podcast rock from my local park.


trees and brush in the back of the park

The view from the podcast rock at my local park

Mentioned at the podcast rock

Alen Standish’s new show, Inner Effort
Write It Up! The Writing Group Mark and I attend
Stéfanie’s IG account, Weightloss_Stef

At The Next To Upper Zen Spot

Laurie holds her recorder near her face. Slightly sad look to her eyes.

That’s a wrap! I just got through recording how much I really, really, really, really, really care on day 120.


Wooden bench in some brush near a tree

The actual bench at the Next to Upper Zen Spot

Sunrise seen from the mountain

The early morning view from the Next to Upper Zen Spot the day I finished recording Day 120

Mentioned at the Next to Upper Zen Spot

Actor and Director, David Babich
Fionna’s Blog, Fionna Sings
My Bravery Twitter Account, TheBraveryCoach
My IG Account, LaurieDreamWeaver

Credits

Host: Laurie Weaver
Special Guest interview: Alen Standish of Inner Effort
Special Guest interview and Laurie in the Sound Booth Voice Acting Direction: David Babich of David Babich Studio
Laurie’s Stories Intro Announcer: Mark Weaver
Dave vs.The Robot Aliens Written by: Dave Glowen
Dave vs.The Robot Aliens Directed by: David Babich
Dave vs.The Robot Aliens Cast:

  • Taylor Watkins as Dave
  • David Babich as Robot Alien #1
  • Ray Holdridge as Robot Alien #2
  • Valerie Schrementi (Alvarez) as Robot Alien #3
  • Laurie Weaver as herself

Laurie’s Foolish Fun Intro Announcer: Mark Weaver
Laurie’s Foolish Funner: Dawny Taylor
Stéfanie’s Secret Topic Intro Announcer: Mark Weaver
Stéfanie’s Secret Topic concept, content and voice by: Stéfanie Lepage
Mark’s No-Diet Report Intro Announcer: Mark Weaver
Bravery Alert Announcer: Mark Weaver
Writing Group Member Stories
The Judge written and read by Peter (J.P.) Bumstead
The Birch Bat written and read by Jake Terrell
The Collector written and read by Samantha Marquis
The Beach written and read by Mark Weaver

Main Theme: I’m Letting Go by Josh Woodward from The Simple Life Part 1 Used by permission of Josh Woodward under a Creative Commons License

Featured Song

Light in the Dark
Music and Lyrics by Fionna Lane
Hear More of Fionna’s music on Soundcloud
Fionna’s Blog, Fionna Sings

Light in the Dark

Well the time has come
I must move on
We have come to journey’s end
So I’ll say “goodbye” and I’ll be on my way
I will carry memories with me
And I’ll always call you “friend”
I’ve a feeling we will meet again one day

Chorus:
Thank you for loving me selflessly
You gave me strength to find what I need
We’ll be apart, but you’re always in my heart
I hope you know
You were my light in the dark

What will I do in my new life?
Gonna travel ’round the world
I’ll be anywhere I want to be
The best part is I’m livin’
And I’m brave and feeling free
And I’ll proudly say “I’m happy to be me!”

(Chorus)

Bridge:
At last I’m not scared of my tears
I let them fall
Free as the wind
Your words helped me conquer my fears
And I love you all
I love you all

(Chorus)
(Repeat chorus

Laurie Sings Intro and Outro

America : My country ’tis of thee (Metropolitan Quartet)
Composer: Smith, Samuel Francis
Performer: Metropolitan Quartet
Date Issued: 1914

Sounds Used in Mark’s Bravery Alert

  • Alarm
    http://www.freesound.org/people/JarAxe/sounds/204424/
  • Bravery Alert Music
    http://www.freesound.org/people/Tuben/sounds/272044/
  • News beeps
    http://www.freesound.org/people/johnnytal/sounds/88517/

Sounds Used in Laurie’s Stories Open and Close

  • Music Theme
    http://www.freesound.org/people/ShadyDave/sounds/262259/
  • Applause
    http://www.freesound.org/people/bulbastre/sounds/132154/
  • British Welcome
    http://www.freesound.org/people/Intimidated/sounds/61571/
  • Pages Turning
    http://www.freesound.org/people/zzzemon/sounds/176623/
  • Cello Loop
    http://www.freesound.org/people/Thirsk/sounds/121018/

Sounds Used in Dave Vs. Robot Aliens

  • Knock on Door
    http://www.freesound.org/people/HunteR4708/sounds/256513/
  • Space Music 2
    http://www.freesound.org/people/Xythe/sounds/100871/
  • Opening Space Music
    http://www.freesound.org/people/levelclearer/sounds/259324/
  • Creaking Door
    http://www.freesound.org/people/urupin/sounds/200988/
  • Door Slam
    http://www.freesound.org/people/chaosportal/sounds/137083/
  • Dun Dun Dun
    http://www.freesound.org/people/FreqMan/sounds/20106/
  • Laurie Memory Music
    http://www.freesound.org/people/JimiMod/sounds/244663/
  • Space Choir
    http://www.freesound.org/people/syntheway/sounds/278903/
  • Evil Childish Laughter
    http://www.freesound.org/people/benjaminharveydesign/sounds/315940/
  • Ending Choir
    http://www.freesound.org/people/klankbeeld/sounds/210514/

Sounds used in Laurie’s Foolish Fun Intro

  • Slide Whistle sounds
    http://www.freesound.org/people/plingativator/sounds/188873/
  • Background Tune/Beat
    http://www.freesound.org/people/siakitty/sounds/38478/
  • Girl’s Laughter
    http://www.freesound.org/people/choplin/sounds/109759/
  • Phone Ring
    http://www.freesound.org/people/winsx87/sounds/152028/

Sounds used in Stéfanie’s Secret Topic Intro

  • Space background loop
    http://www.freesound.org/people/zagi2/sounds/178573/
  • Space Alien ray gun zap sound
    http://www.freesound.org/people/NoiseCollector/sounds/43041/
  • The Human Has been Neutralised
    http://www.freesound.org/people/cityrocker/sounds/128649/
  • Eating Chips
    http://www.freesound.org/people/fresco/sounds/48933/
  • Zen Cello
    http://www.freesound.org/people/Nightlife999/sounds/144971/

Sounds used in Mark’s No-Diet Report Intro

  • News Jingle
    http://www.freesound.org/people/mansardian/sounds/61322/
  • News Ting
    http://www.freesound.org/people/robni7/sounds/174027/

Sounds Used in the Writing Group Stories

The Judge

  • Epic music
    http://www.freesound.org/people/TheTunk/sounds/213275/
    Mike TheTunk Woloszyn” www.Senproductions.de
  • Courtroom crowd
    http://www.freesound.org/people/miastodzwiekow/sounds/110416/
  • gavel
    http://www.freesound.org/people/zerolagtime/sounds/70071/
  • laser gun
    http://www.freesound.org/people/bubaproducer/sounds/151022/
  • Fart
    http://www.freesound.org/people/junkfood2121/sounds/242004/

The Birch Bat

  • Ukulele background music
    http://www.freesound.org/people/qubodup/sounds/259312/
  • Bat and crowd
    http://www.freesound.org/people/AmishRob/sounds/214989/
  • ballpark organ and crowd
    http://www.freesound.org/people/AshFox/sounds/191928/
  • birds
    http://www.freesound.org/people/derjuli/sounds/275961/
  • axe
    http://www.freesound.org/people/electrovoice664/sounds/75077/

The Collector

  • Metal Clink
    http://www.freesound.org/people/BMacZero/sounds/96134/
  • Soundtrack
    http://www.freesound.org/people/DigiZoo/sounds/273662/
  • Police are close
    http://www.freesound.org/people/thearxx08/sounds/262886/
  • Key fob chirp
    http://www.freesound.org/people/shakaharu/sounds/151359/

The Beach

  • Ocean
    http://www.freesound.org/people/xserra/sounds/161699/
  • Flute
    http://www.freesound.org/people/Thirsk/sounds/121088/
  • Seagull
    http://www.freesound.org/people/beejeeb1314/sounds/197743/

Other Sounds

  • Crowd Cheering
    http://www.freesound.org/people/xtrsounder/sounds/202498/
  • Crowd awww
    http://www.freesound.org/people/phmiller42/sounds/124996/
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Ep 0100 – It’s been one YEAR since I began this experiment…

Sun shines on Laurie's profile. She's smiling on the mountain
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It’s a beautiful sunny day for looking toward the future.

Podcast Recap

It’s time for the Brave Companions to Partay! We celebrate Compulsive Overeating Diary’s one year anniversary and its 100th episode with music, good wishes, interviews and the debut of The Brave Companions’ Song featuring BCs from around the world written and sung by our own BC and talented song writer, Fionna Lane. We’ll feature greetings and well wishes from many BCs and reminisce about their roles in the show. We’ll check out the latest versions of every regular feature we’ve had on Compulsive Overeating Diary, including Foolish Fun, Mark’s No More Diet for Laurie Report, and Stéfanie’s Secret Topic of the Day. We’ll get another wonderful musical treat from Suz. We’ll go together to my writing group in Burbank, CA and talk to its founder, Samantha Marquis. I’ll read you the latest story I wrote there. Then on Bravery Saturday I’ll take you on my voice acting adventures . We’ll take a look at what it takes to polish a monolog from start to finish. We’ll have interviews with my singing teacher Viki Hilferty, my voice acting coach David Babich, and my voice acting teacher and director Marc Cashman – all sharing with us what it took to make THEIR dreams a success and their advice for us on ways we can try to do the same. It’s an awesome day of memories and surprises. Don’t miss it!

Rocks arranged as the number 100

On the way up to record Day 100, I arrange some prayer rocks in an interesting pattern…


Laurie and Viki

With my singing teacher Viki just before I start my lesson.


Laurie and David Babich in his studio by a mic in front of his bookshelves

Me with my voice acting coach, David Babich right before our interview. I really loved this day, because I feel I’m starting to ‘get’ my acting chops back.

Laurie and Marc

Marc Cashman and I squeeze into the booth. The bright light makes so many shadows, I had to adjust with Photoshop – causing these colorful reflections – artsy!

Laurie snaps a selfie wearing a princess themed sparkle sleeveless blue top.

I take my photo prior to Mark giving me the once over for his opinion on how I look. I’m of two minds here. I look good, but can tell I weigh more than I’d like.

Mentioned

The Writer’s Group Meetup – Write it up! In Burbank

My Singing Teacher, Viki Hilferty’s site

My Voice Acting Coach, David Babich’s studio site

My Voice Acting Teacher and Director, Marc Cashman’s site

Fionna’s Blog, Fionna Sings

Compulsive Overeating Diary Episodes Mentioned

Day 33 Where I first Sing my Garden Song and start my bravery adventures

Intuitive Eating Book on Amazon – please use the links below

Intuitive Eating

Ways to support the show financially

Want to have Fun Being Foolish too?

Participate in our new feature called “Foolish Fun“. Just call the bravery hotline 206-350-6445 or check out the send audio page on https://www.compulsiveovereatingdiary.com/how-to-send-audio/
And tell us a joke, riddle, a silly story, limerick, sing a song, play a kazoo, ANYTHING but talk about compulsive eating. This is the feature where messing up is just part of the act! No names required and Silly Aliases are AOK! Need ideas? See Day 54’s Resource of the Day for my page of ToonaCat Jokes

Catch up with Laurie

My Spreaker page. Please follow me there if you are on Spreaker.

My Instagram page at LaurieDreamWeaver

FaceBook Page if you want to sign up for our email list by clicking Tiger the Cat’s Sign-up button

My Second Twitter Account JUST for bravery sayings @TheBraveryCoach

Laurie on Tumblr

My page with instructions for all of the ways (so far) that you can send audio and lend your voice to this podcast.

New free way to leave voicemail http://speakpipe.com/laurieweaver You can also click the blue button on this page that says ‘send a voice message.’

Bravery Hotline

Leave your comments, questions, feelings and stories on Laurie’s podcast voicemail hotline – 206-350-6445.

Credits

Host: Laurie Weaver
Special Interview about Laurie’s progress: Mark Weaver
Guest Interview – Laurie’s Writing Group Leader: Samantha Marquis Creator of Write it Up! Burbank
Guest Interview – Laurie’s Singing Teacher: Viki Hilferty from Hilferty House
Guest Interview – Laurie’s Voice Acting Coach: David Babich of Voice Los Angeles
Guest Interview – Laurie’s Voice Acting Teacher and Director: Marc Cashman of Cashman Commercials
Foolish Fun Announcer: Mark Weaver
Foolish Fun Content: Dawny
Stéfanie’s Secret Topic Intro Announcer: Mark Weaver
Stéfanie’s Secret Topic concept, content and voice by: Stéfanie Lepage
Laurie’s No Diet Report Announcer: Mark Weaver
The Brave Companions’ Song: Written and Sung by Fionna Lane of Fionna Sings
The Brave Companions’ Song participants: Amy from Wisconsin, Cheryl, Dawny, Fionna, Maria from a Spanish speaking country, Patt, Sandy, Stéfanie from Quebec, Sue from the UK, Suz, Mark, and Laurie
Laurie’s Garden Song: Written and sung by Laurie Weaver
Laurie’s Garden Song accompaniment: Suzanne
Piano Extra: Suzanne
Gwedolyn and Foobie Hit the Beach: written and voiced by Laurie Weaver
Greetings and Well wishes: Alen Standish, of Progress, Not Perfection, Cheryl, Dawny, Sue from the UK, Suz, and Mark

Main Theme:I’m Letting Go by Josh Woodward from The Simple Life Part 1

I’m Letting Go (Josh Woodward) / CC BY 3.0

Sounds used in Stéfanie’s Secret Topic Intro

  • Space background loop
    http://www.freesound.org/people/zagi2/sounds/178573/
  • Space Alien ray gun zap sound
    http://www.freesound.org/people/NoiseCollector/sounds/43041/
  • The Human Has been Neutralised
    http://www.freesound.org/people/cityrocker/sounds/128649/
  • Eating Chips
    http://www.freesound.org/people/fresco/sounds/48933/
  • Zen Cello
    http://www.freesound.org/people/Nightlife999/sounds/144971/

Sounds used in Laurie’s Foolish Fun Intro

  • Slide Whistle sounds
    http://www.freesound.org/people/plingativator/sounds/188873/
  • Background Tune/Beat
    http://www.freesound.org/people/siakitty/sounds/38478/
  • Girl’s Laughter
    http://www.freesound.org/people/choplin/sounds/109759/
  • Phone Ring
    http://www.freesound.org/people/winsx87/sounds/152028/

Sounds used in Laurie’s No-Diet Report Intro

  • News Jingle
    http://www.freesound.org/people/mansardian/sounds/61322/
  • News Ting
    http://www.freesound.org/people/robni7/sounds/174027/

Magic sound used in Gwendolyn and Foobie Hit the Beach

http://www.freesound.org/people/Robinhood76/sounds/178318/

Crowd cheering sounds used in the opening

  • Crowd Cheering
    http://www.freesound.org/people/xtrsounder/sounds/202498/
  • Bells and cheering
    http://www.freesound.org/people/sagetyrtle/sounds/36162/

Resource of the day


How to achieve your dreams
by MatYooProductions, a wonderful little simple animation with a large impact.Highly recommended!
Comments box:

Ep 0094 – Letting Go Unhealthy Fear and Having Fun!

Laurie with cheek in hand wearing glasses and a green fleece jacket by the podcast tree at the park
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I look weirdly relaxed in this selfie considering I have less than an hour of sunlight to record day 94 down on the podcast rock before the sun goes down.

Podcast Recap

Unhealthy fear blocks opportunities for adventures and fun in life. A HUGE SMOOCHEROO for my latest, generous coffee klatcher and Amazon holiday shoppers. Please help spread the word about our brave companion message by rating and reviewing the show where you listen. A special thank you to Stefanie from Quebec for giving Dawny feedback on the Advice wanted page. I request some holiday selfies and ask you to call the bravery hotline or use speakpipe to send holiday greetings. A snippet of the Brave Companions song Fionna is writing for us along with a volunteer demonstration by Mark of how you, the brave companions, can participate. Support for my latest blog post all about how I’m combating triggers for feeling fat and how I stood up for myself at the Dr.’s office. Comment conversations include moi, Cassie who goes on the bravery report AGAIN for her response to the blog post, Dawny, Sue from the UK, and Stefanie from Quebec. We’ll also have some comments about Fionna’s song, Brave and Free, shared with us last show. I do my first ever author requested book review of Dr. Marcia Sirota’s latest, Loving Heart, Quiet Mind, Healthy Body. Hear my latest adventure in nerdy character voice acting with my scene partner, Michael. Finish up with the FUN Stefanie from Quebec’s having with her account on Instagram.

Laurie puckering up to kiss a large wooden nutcracker's nose

Having fun taking holiday selfies at the hotel at Ventura to send to the COD newsletter BCs. Loved kissing the nutcracker – can’t resist a wooden man in uniform! If you’d like to sign up for the newsletter enter you name and email where is says ‘JOIN OUR EMAIL LIST FOR SPECIAL TOPICS’

Mentioned

How to Send your audio for the Brave Companion Song or holiday greetings for just for fun! Note: For the Brave Companion Song, please say your name, where you are from, in general, and why you are brave or like being a BC

My blog post about combatting feeling fat

Sue’s supportive comment on my blog

Cassie’s brave comment supporting me on my feeling fat post and our comment conversation

Dawny’s support of Cassie

Episode containing Fionna’s song, Brave and Free

Stéfanie from Quebec’s welcome to Cassie and love of Fionna’s song, Brave and Free

Suz’s comments about catching up and her love of BCs and the musical direction of the show

Dawny’s love of Fionna’s song, Brave and Free

The Advice Wanted page if YOU want some advice from the BCs about a situation

Stéfanie from Quebec’s advice to Dawny on the Advice Wanted page.

Stéfanie from Quebec’s motivating and fun Instagram Page Weightloss_Stef

My blog post that contains one of my crash and burn stories about character voice acting

Dr. Marcia Sirota, is a Toronto-based
psychiatrist, author of Emotional Overeating, as well as the founder
and CEO of the Ruthless Compassion Institute. Dr. Sirota has just
launched the first in a new series of self-help books, entitled the
Short and Sweet Guides to Life. The magic of the first book in the
series, Loving Heart, Quiet Mind, Healthy Body, lies in its heartfelt
sincerity. Through straightforward affirmations and encouragement Dr.
Sirota show readers how to lose weight and heal themselves by
developing a greater feeling of self-love and appreciation.
Book jacket of Loving Heart, Quiet Mind, Healthy Body by Dr. Marcia Sirota

Loving Heart, Quiet Mind, Healthy Body by Dr. Marcia Sirota. Note:Clicking the book image takes you to the USA Amazon store. If you wish to support the show and are in Canada or the UK, please use the links below.

Dr. Sirota’s wonderful self-affirming Book on Amazon – please use the links below to help the show AND give yourself a wonderful gift

Want to have Fun Being Foolish too?

Participate in our feature called “Foolish Fun“. Just call the bravery hotline 206-350-6445 or check out the send audio page on https://www.compulsiveovereatingdiary.com/how-to-send-audio/
And tell us a joke, riddle, a silly story, limerick, sing a song, play a kazoo, ANYTHING but talk about compulsive eating. This is the feature where messing up is just part of the act! No names required and Silly Aliases are AOK! Need ideas? See Day 54’s Resource of the Day for my page of ToonaCat Jokes
Intuitive Eating Book on Amazon – please use the links below

Intuitive Eating

Ways to support the show financially

Catch up with Laurie

My Spreaker page. Please follow me there if you are on Spreaker.

My Instagram page at LaurieDreamWeaver

FaceBook Page if you want to sign up for our email list by clicking Tiger the Cat’s Sign-up button

My Second Twitter Account JUST for bravery sayings @TheBraveryCoach

Laurie on Tumblr

My page with instructions for all of the ways (so far) that you can send audio and lend your voice to this podcast.

New free way to leave voicemail http://speakpipe.com/laurieweaver You can also click the blue button on this page that says ‘send a voice message.’

Bravery Hotline

Leave your comments, questions, feelings and stories on Laurie’s podcast voicemail hotline – 206-350-6445.

Credits

Host: Laurie Weaver
The Brave Companions Song written and sung by: Fionna Lane
The Brave Companions Song voice over: Mark and Laurie Weaver
Voice Acting Director: Marc Cashman
Voice Acting Scene partner: Michael Palmer

Main Theme:I’m Letting Go by Josh Woodward from The Simple Life Part 1

I’m Letting Go (Josh Woodward) / CC BY 3.0

Resource of the day

Continue reading

Comments box:

Scaling back on Feel Fat Triggers

Laurie in a red biking scarf with Mark in a purple Hawaiian shirt in a restaurant with Mark's arm around Laurie.
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On podcast pages click the arrow to play the episode.

Mark and I had the BEST sunset dinner last night. It was So delicious and leisurely and the opposite of compulsive.

I’ve Been Feeling Fat Lately

Sigh, the bane of any self-respecting, body-accepting, intuitive-eating, adventurer is the common gotcha bug that can bite at ANY TIME aka as ‘FEELING FAT’. What the hell IS feeling fat anyway? As we all know, fat ISN’T a true emotional feeling like joy, sorrow, anger etc. Fat is a thing. It’s part of our bodies. Can’t have too little, we need some, and it’s debatable exactly how much is too much. So If I look at my hefty-size thigh, WHICH fat cells are the evil bastards, and which are the good, protective soldiers, hmmm?

Can’t tell. Can’t circle with a marker and declare THIS ONE MUST GO – due to any attribute other than quantity. Now, I do know that there actually are different types of fat on our bodies, some more beneficial medically, so I’m not debating that – but truly, where is that magic line that says, “You fat cell, are good” – “You fat cell are evil and shameful”?

I don’t know about you, but I don’t know of it. It’s like culling the herd, or thinning young oranges off of a tree so the others can grow. The fat cells have done nothing more than exist in too many numbers. Some of the numbers may or may not impact health. Some numbers definately impact our “societal worth”, dang it, but overall, there is NO DIFFERENCE. It’s the luck of the draw which fat cells are protective and which push us into despair.

Laurie and Mark in front of the Wicked Marquee at the Pantages

LOVED seeing Wicked at the Pantages Theatre with Mark – Hate the Chairs there.

Trigger 1 – Chairs

Now depending on your body type, booths or chairs may trigger ‘Feeling Fat’. Mark is an apple shape, so he is more concerned with tummy fitting under the table in a booth. I am a pear, so I am more concerned with my behind and thighs fitting into chairs with arms. To be squeezed into either scenario can set off a firestorm of shame and feeling like a monster. A monster who “does not fit in”. Those with society approved, ‘normal’ sized bodies cannot fathom the shame that occurs when you get the glare from those seated next to you in coach class in the air or at the movies when your parts encroach on their space. Now actually, most modern movie and theatrical venues do have bigger seats – some will argue, AWFUL PROOF OF OBESITY EPIDEMIC. But I say, it is about time that we can fit. I don’t mind paying more. In fact, I remember fitting into coach pretty well even at a bigger size than I am today, before low fare, barebones, Southwest airlines began a fare war with all airlines resulting in cost cutting measures including the elimination of decent meals on flights and stuffing as many seats into the plane as possible to maximize profit making seats narrower and leg room less. I won’t even begin to discuss here how horrendously Southwest treats what they call “Oversize” guests either. The embarrassment and shame of it all. I tell you frankly I fly business or first class or I don’t fly. Why? To be elitist? No! To fit in the GD seat! To purchase two coach seats STILL causes me to be squeezed in a vice that leaves bruises on my legs. It only relieves me of the glare of the aforementioned co-sitter who might have to be subjected to my size. Now I’ve told you frankly I weigh around 200-215 pounds at best guess, and I wear 18W pants. This is bigger than the national average. But I have PLENTY OF COMPANY. Mark, btw can fly in coach as his tummy can fit in front of him. He just has trouble if he wants to lower the flight table. And he has NO ROOM for his legs as he is 6’2″. ARGH! Not fitting physically in is psychologically triggering to self-blame.

Same thing with clothes. When our clothes feel tight, we are prone to feeling despair and shame. Wear a size that fits, you’ll feel better.

Anyway, the Pantages is a historical theater with the worlds smallest, least legroom available seats I have EVER squeezed into at any size. I saw the Lion King there when I was thin, and STILL felt squeezed. Today with my glorious curves abounding, it is hell. I LOVE the shows, HATE the chairs, and when this season ticket is over, I won’t go back. I’m over it, truly.

Trigger 2 – Facing the Dr. and the Scale.

I had my annual check-up the other day and as those of you who read my status updates on FB know, I got myself in a huge tizzy of fear and self-loathing over it. I usually diet like mad for the month before the Dr. visit, trying to undo ALL of my compulsive bingeing, AND I get weighed right before so I can tell the nurse a HIGHER number than I know that I am in order to deflect from my actual weight. They always say, “Oh no, you ONLY weigh 285 NOT 315! or some such nonsense”.

This year, as those of you who follow this blog and podcast know, I have no frickin’ clue what I weigh. I don’t know how I compare to last year. I don’t know anything. I couldn’t tell the nurse some number, because it might be less, and she’s have to announce, “sorry, you’re MORE than that”.

Hear all of this angst? I’m right back into diet mentality and shame and feeling “less than as a person” because my possible scale number might prove me unworthy.

Besides that I don’t WANT to know my scale number. I am doing well maintaining my size without weighing. A number is a trigger for me. But I was scared to ask for what I wanted.

Laurie 1 – Scale 0

So I buckled on my spine and passed through a big victory for me.

It’s been over 150 days since I packed up my own scale and put it on the highest shelf in the garage, so I don’t know my weight at all for the first time since I was 6 years old.

However, since I gave up weighing and have been working the principles of IE I’ve been wearing the same size clothing and so know my actual weight hasn’t changed much.

I have been very heavy AND normal sized, but due to my issues with dieting/bingeing, my weight was always in flux, always swinging wildly up and down the scale by 30-40 pounds, usually several times in any one year. So I’m not even sure what I weighed last year. If I had lost, gained or stayed the same.

Determined not to know any number that would derail my progress, I told the nurse, I don’t weigh myself or want to know my weight number anymore. So while you can weigh me for proper medication, I don’t want you to tell me or have the Dr. tell me the actual number.

This was such a big deal in my head, but it wasn’t anything but neutral to the nurse. She has obviously had this request enough to have a process, and just had me weigh with my back to the scale bars, and she slid the bars back to zero before having me step off, and noted my chart. My Dr. never mentioned my weight, just went over which tests we were doing etc. We talked about other health related topics, and how long until the blood test results would be in etc.

I can’t believe I built this up so strongly as fear in my head. It shows how entrenched my shame and diet mentality is and how tied I still am to what a number can say. I’m so happy I spoke up and got what I needed today.– to NOT know what that number is. Someday I might want or need to know, but not today. Today I took care of myself and that feels awesome.

Laurie looks peaceful as she holds Tiger

Ahh, sweet comfort of Tiger my cuddly cat who doesn’t give a fig about the size of his cat-mama. In fact to him, more to knead and cuddle is a benefit.

Scales Suck, I Rock, and I’m Going to think on Tiger in Future

My cat Tiger doesn’t care what I weigh. He cares that I love him, spend time him, pet him, brush him, cuddle him and tell him he’s special. Mark doesn’t care what I weigh. He cares that I love him, spend time him, pet him, brush him, cuddle him and tell him he’s special. The BCs don’t care what I weigh when I podcast. They care that I love them, spend time with them, have pet names for them, brush away their fears, cuddle them with my voice and tell them they’re special. I’m going to tell MYSELF that too. Laurie, what makes you special is NOT your body – except in that it holds your brain and heart.

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Rainy Days and Tuesdays Don’t Have to Get Me Down

Mark and Laurie smiling in the wind. Waves in the background
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Mark and I have fun walking the path we usually ride. We see the wind, waves and sand close up. Later on, we’ll walk the pier and watch the sunset.

Plans don’t always work out as you expect

You know how much I love plans and how much I love plans to GO AS EXPECTED! Well all year, plans just have not been cooperating with Mark and me. Usually, we like to take a vacation or two and/or spend some time by the shore. We have a favorite hotel chain that we use and enjoy the benefits of their loyalty program. Usually we need a night or two at the end of the year to keep our program level up and we enjoy taking that small trip in December. No big deal. Well, due to our various injuries, circumstances and unexpected financial downturns, all of our vacations and mini-breaks got the financial axe all year long.

This of course, meant the loyalty program had to go. No way could we fit an entire year’s worth of mini-trips into the last six weeks of the year – or could we? Now to be honest, while we both enjoy our jaunts, this endeavor is firmly in my adventure court. I LOVE getting away and exploring and meeting other people on holiday and speaking to the business people in the lounge and all of the other perks of spending a day or two out of pajamas and in the world. Mark is more of a homebody and prefers his adventures well spaced out with long stretches of home rest and long timeframes to “think about it”.

Mark, bless him, and I reviewed out budget and our calendar and marked out the way to fit in our entire year. Fun for me and further proof of Mark’s endless love that he agreed. (Or the level of bitchiness he feared experiencing by NOT agreeing could possibly have been a small factor – but Mark is usually not swayed by such.)

Of course, we didn’t account for storm drenched streets or have much room in our jam-packed calendar for other contingencies.

We had planned to drive up today, not yesterday, but THE BIGGEST STORM OF THE YEAR was forecast to hit us today. 100%. So no bikes, no convertible. And we switched plans so we drove yesterday ahead of the storm. Despite this sudden change, we had a great evening! Here are some highlights.

Here’s a video I took last night of the sunset over the waves

Mark as photographer

Mark on the pier. Waves are seen against the shoreline

Last night Mark photographs the sunset from the pier.

The Storm Hits


Rainswept street with blowing palm trees

Today the storm swept in. It is powerful and fun to watch from the safety of our room. Thrilling and humbling to see nature’s power.

how about recording the show?

Well scrambling to change our travel plans, settle the cats and otherwise rearrange things, meant that I put off recording Day 92 which I HAD planned to do yesterday. Then I thought, well I’ll find someplace to walk today and record. HAHAHAHAHA Pouring rain, no shelter. I MAY go take my umbrella and boots puddle stomping, but no way I’m risking my trusty Roland 05 recorder in this deluge. So here you are, blog and me, enjoying the warm, dry inside-ness of it all whilst the rain batters the hatches and Mark gets some well deserved shut-eye.

Fun for Rainy Days

I just got back from another Instagram Adventure – you can see my photos and video by searching for #RainyDayWalkInVentura – remember, I am LaurieDreamWeaver on Instagram.
RainySelfie by the shore #RainyDayWalkInVentura

Just in case you are bored on this Episode-less Tuesday, here’s some distraction.

BTW, you can also feel free to listen to past episodes or comment here, or CALL THE BRAVERY HOTLINE to tell me your rainy day stories, thoughts and other feelings. I promise I’ll get to recording as soon as I can find a dry podcast rock.

Have a wonderful Tuesday BCs!

PS, I’m still wearing the same size comfortably despite a beer and burger for dinner. I think that’s why I wasn’t hungry this AM. But my appetite is starting to rumble, so off to explore the puddles and then once I’m hungry enough, I’ll seek out the best lunch I can enjoy. Rainy days don’t have to get us down. xoxoxoxoxo

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