Tag Archives: Perfectionism

Aha! Dawny Nails It for Me – My Problem is Perfectionism – My Solution is Tiger

My orange cat Tiger walks determinedly across the top of the sofa with my sheer green curtains billowing behind him
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Tiger KNOWS what he wants. He FEELS his needs and goes for them! Right now he wants to knead my chest and purr for me. I guess he wants to comfort me and get some comfort for himself. It’s a good lesson in instinct and trusting your heart.

What the F is going on?!

My last show and my last blog posts were all about my MISERY that I have this progression problem. When I’m a newbie, everything is hunky dory and I thrive and succeed AND I’m a happy camper. THEN once I start to internalize expections required to accomplish said task WELL (any task at all), then I FREEZE, get miserable and usually dump said task and/or project no matter how much I wanted to do it.

And the latest recipient of my obsessive worry and imminent drive to give it up was Voice Acting.

My underlying lack of confidence was playing havoc with my ability to even try at home. Even at HOME! What, as Cheryl said in her comment about that show, a pickle! This made me sad enough and frustrated enough to binge as I haven’t binged in YEARS! Of course, Voice Acting wasn’t the only murky trigger in the mix, but it was the major player.

For all of my usual ability to self-analyze myself TO DEATH, the whole “I start off great and THEN FAIL” was a puzzle.

Then Dawny posted this comment on the show notes page of Day 106 – my binge confession – er podcast episode:

…I too hate how we find something that’s to be fun, but because of our addictive compulsive personalities, we become obsessed, and it becomes something other than what it was intended to be, or started out as …

I Was blind but now I see!

AHA! Dawny is a GENIUS and nailed my problem. It all made sense…it all fell into place. This ‘Progression’ was REALLY perfectionism. When I didn’t know what was expected of me, I was able to enjoy and experience the moments of any project or activity. But the MINUTE my obsessive brain internalized expectation – LOOK OUT! It is like an endless super computer of criticism went on constant alert for the slightest flaw or breaking of the rules.

How could I POSSIBLY ENJOY ANYTHING in that state? No WONDER I gave up stuff left and right. It wasn’t because I’m a failure, it’s to stop the damned critical voice and the FEELING of failure it gave me.

Remember those KINDLY robot aliens?

I have always said the Robot Aliens are there to help me, not hurt me. (Even though this latest visit was physical overkill imho). Well they came to the rescue again! Not only did they move my obsessive mind AWAY from VOICE ACTING and onto worry about bingeing and telling you about it, yada yada yada, they made me PHYSICALLY unable to perform. I cannot do voice work on a full tummy. It gets in the way of my breath control. An overfull gut of this magnitude is like having a boulder in your pants pressing on the diaphragm.

Hence problem “solved”.

No voice acting, no nagging voice, no worries….

Robot Aliens, you GOT IT WRONG!

…except I WANT TO DO VOICE ACTING! You kindly robot aliens saved me from the wrong thing!

So now, we all know, the robot aliens are actually part of my subconscious. This means I need to retrain my subconscious to accept trying, to cut me slack, to allow me to feel, to know that stumbles ARE NOT F-ING LIFE THREATENING!

Tiger to the Rescue

There is no better meditation then a Tiger on your Tummy! Now I can seek out more help to calm my mind.

Experience the #ZenJoy of #Tigerthecat #purr #CatMassage Thanks for the

Helpful quotes I Found Following my Calming Cat Massage

From Ann Smith, author of Overcoming Perfectionism: Finding the Key to Balance & Self-Acceptance

Slow down.

Do this right now,” she said. “Walk slower, talk slower, be slower about accomplishing what’s on your list. Act like there is no hurry to get there. Perfectionists are always thinking, ‘After I get this done then I will breathe,’ and they never get around to it because there’s always something else to do.

From Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D on his article On Being A Perfectionist from the blog at MentalHelp.net

Excellence is attainable because, be definition, it allows for the fact that we will fall short of perfection. Excellence presumes that we are doing the best we can do on a project. In fact, excellence presumes that we are trying hard to do even better than we may have done in previous efforts.

Because excellence is attainable, there is motivation in that direction. A job well done feels really good. That good feeling does not necessarily come from the praise of others, but from an inner feeling of satisfaction.

To borrow an old saying, the perfectionist is like the “person who cannot see the forest for the trees.” In other words, there this is an individual who becomes so focused on the tiny details that they forget that there is a purpose to what they are doing. That is why some perfectionists become procrastinators.

Filled with so much anxiety about having to do every little detail to perfection they become discouraged about ever starting their project.

The Result

Yesterday, not only was I able to rehearse and record my animation character for voice acting, I was able to listen to all of my recordings as feedback and change my performance choices when I felt they needed it to bring more to the character. I KNOW that my acting is not perfect. I will get much feedback from my coach, David. But I feel really good about what I will bring to my take. I feel like I made an effort to STOP making such an effort, and to be like Tiger, focused on what I want to share with the audience, not on how I’m going to get there.

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I don’t know what I weigh and my compulsive mind is declaring all out WAR!

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Laurie shrugs

How the heck can I *KNOW* what I weigh? The scale is in the garage and my heart is pounding like mad. Can I be addicted to the number?

Good-bye Sweet Scale, I knew him well…


Day one of our separation, my former beloved scale and me. I’m surprised by how very much I miss our dysfunctional relationship. How I defined my life by trying to meet its irrational needs.

The closest thing I can compare the antsy, ‘don’t know what to do with myself’ feeling is to when I gave up smoking. Giving up smoking is HELL on WHEELS. I had to spend about 1000 months sitting in the bathtub eating Milk Duds because I never smoked in the bathtub and the sugar gave me a rush similar to the nicotine.

Lordy, I haven’t thought of that in years!

How can NOT stepping on a physical object give me withdrawal symptoms? This is NUTSO! Suppose I just hadn’t gotten around to stepping on it yet, I wouldn’t care. It’s the whole “quitting” thing. But what am I ACTUALLY quitting?

The scale is a symbol of my deeply entrenched diet/compulsive/binge cycle. It’s the arbitrator of when I do what actions in this cycle. It’s the Lord of my brain. The director of all. The Czar of potato chips or broccoli. How can I cope all on my own?

Hmm, even rereading these true feelings kind of gives me the willies.

Let me try logic to calm these feelings – doesn’t usually work with me, but let’s give it a go.

Self! Listen Up!

  1. Our body weighs whatever it weighs whether or not we are on the scale.
  2. The scale never changed one once of weight.
  3. We did that by our behaviors.
  4. We BASED our behaviors on the FEELINGS generated by the daily scale number
  5. How did THAT work out for us HMMM??

Hmm, logic is kind of bossy. I don’t think I respond well to bossy while in the painful throws of withdrawal. Let’s try empathy. More my style.

Self Honey, Come let me give you a hug!

  1. That scale has never been kind to us and we deserve kindness and respect.
  2. I love you self no matter what we weigh.
  3. It’s OK to be whatever size we are because we are MORE then just our body.
  4. I know it’s scary, but the scale can’t tell us how you feel inside.
  5. It’s going to be ok. We can trust our body to tell us what to eat.

Wow, I feel kind of better with the empathetic approach, but still suspicious and slightly pissed off. Like when your mom tells you you are pretty when all of the kids call you names based on your looks, and when the therapist says how good you are when you are paying money for them to be “into your feelings”. Nice to hear, but I can’t quite let it in.

How about I try the rational “What the hell have we got to lose?” approach?

Self, let’s think about this together

Q. Self What’s the Worse that can happen?

A. I can gain 100 pounds and not notice.

Q. On a scale of 1-10 with 1 being not a chance in hell, and 10 you can bet your life, how likely is that to happen?

A. Umm 2?

Q. how likely is it you will start to pay more attention to your inner feelings without a daily weigh-in?

A. Umm 10?

Q. And on a scale of 1-10 if this doesn’t work out for us, can we change our mind?

A. 10, but I would look like a failure and a fool if I changed my mind.

Q. What’s wrong with that?

A. I’d feel badly

Q. Why?

A. Because if I appear perfect and good and that all is well with me, people will finally accept me.

Q. Who has accepted you more. The scale or the brave companions who know you are NOT perfect?

A. I guess we can toss the Milk Duds.

If you’d like to know how I finally arrived at the decision to ‘garage’ the most important thing in my life, I describe it on Day 64 of my podcast.
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Ep 0040 – Why do ‘aha’ moments overwhelm us? Therapy Stories and Tips

Laurie in a red t-shirt under a tree.
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It’s a super hot day, so I head out to the back trail of Descanso Gardens to find some shade.

Podcast Recap

How can we expect to process all of these heavy ‘Aha’ moments? Also, stories and thoughts about therapy from Sue, Cheryl and me. Shout-outs to new brave companion, Sharon and our third companion named Michelle, Michelle Mckinney. Steven and Abby are recognized on our new bravery report and I thank Jodi for being supportive on Facebook during my massive cleaning project. I read our original Michelle’s entire comment about her experience with a therapist who specializes in eating issues.
A Canopy of trees marble the path below with lacy shade patterns.

Ah, a wonderful shady view that I see from the rock perch where I record episode 40.

Mentioned

New listener and brave companion, Sharon’s comment on the about page.

New commenter, but experienced listener, Michelle McKinny’s comment on day 39

Sue’s story and recommendations about therapy on day 39

Cheryl’s story and response to Sue on day 39

Michelle’s brave comment about therapy on day 38.

Our new “Who are the Brave Companions” page. Come tell your story!

FaceBook Page if you want to sign up for our email list by clicking Tiger the Cat’s Sign-up button

Catch up with Laurie

My Spreaker page. Please follow me there if you are on Spreaker.

My Instagram page at LaurieDreamWeaver

Laurie on Tumblr

My new page with instructions for all of the ways (so far) that you can send audio and lend your voice to this podcast.

New free way to leave voicemail http://speakpipe.com/laurieweaver You can also click the blue button on this page that says ‘send a voice message.’

Bravery Hotline

Leave your comments, questions, feelings and stories on Laurie’s podcast voicemail hotline – 206-350-6445.

Credits

Host: Laurie Weaver

Main Theme: I’m Letting Go by Josh Woodward from The Simple Life Part 1

I’m Letting Go (Josh Woodward) / CC BY 3.0

Resource of the day


Finding a Therapist Who Can Help You Heal – Getting the Most out of Therapy and Counseling
A really good, thorough, objective article and list of tips and facts all about finding a therapist, what to expect, different types of therapists etc. by helpguide.org. Highly recommended.
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Ep 0039 – How Chaos thrives perfectly amid perfection

Laurie in a red scarf sitting near a tree in the wind.
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Here between gusts of wind at my next to upper Zen place. It was challenging to record today, but it was thrilling!

Podcast Recap

Chaos is on my mind, triggered by a pair of comments by brave companions, Sandy and Cheryl. I discover one of the reasons I sabotage myself after reading a heartfelt post by Abby followed by a snippet from our brave Michelle about seeking therapy. I tell about our new ‘Who are the brave companions?’ page on CompulsiveOvereatingDiary.com and share my experience with Tumblr.
View of the foothills and grassland.

The view from my next to upper Zen place.

Mentioned

Abby’s thoughtful comment on day 38.

Michelle’s brave comment about therapy on day 38.

Sandy’s Chaos comment on day 37

Cheryl’s aha comment on day 37

Cheryl’s Blog post, A Dragon Called Chaos

Our new “Who are the Brave Companions” page. Come tell your story!

Newest Brave Companion Michelle’s comment on the ‘Pathetic Episode 4’. Please stop by and welcome her.

My new Tumblr page

Catch up with Laurie

My Spreaker page. Please follow me there if you are on Spreaker.

My Instagram page at LaurieDreamWeaver

The Spark People Team we created for listeners of Compulsive Overeating Diary. Welcome Ecomuffin! So far, we’re up to ten team members, and we would welcome some more! 10/22/14- no longer an active team due to lack of participation

Laurie on Tumblr

My new page with instructions for all of the ways (so far) that you can send audio and lend your voice to this podcast.

New free way to leave voicemail http://speakpipe.com/laurieweaver You can also click the blue button on this page that says ‘send a voice message.’

Bravery Hotline

Leave your comments, questions, feelings and stories on Laurie’s podcast voicemail hotline – 206-350-6445.

Credits

Host: Laurie Weaver

Main Theme: I’m Letting Go by Josh Woodward from The Simple Life Part 1

I’m Letting Go (Josh Woodward) / CC BY 3.0

Resource of the day

Chaotic Quotes A set of fun, annoying and thought-provoking quotes all about Chaos from Brainy Quotes. Here’s a perfect one for today

Every passion borders on the chaotic, but the collector’s passion borders on the chaos of memories.
-Walter Benjamin

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Ep 0037 – How to clear the clutter without being overwhelmed.

Laurie in a straw sunhat by a tree marked with a trail sign.
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I’m recording episode 37 from my furthest back trail rock under a tree at Descanso Gardens. There was a film crew in the gardens today, so I had to move further back to limit noise.

Podcast Recap

Shout-outs to Abby for her fine review on iTunes, Sandy for her brave support of listener, Gracie, and Cheryl, Abby and Sue for joining and participating in our new Spark People Team for Brave Companions. I talk about my new Compulsive Overeating Diary channel on YouTube and my 30 minute video bike ride that you can see there. Finally, a comments conversation between Sue, Cheryl and me sparks me to think how clutter, overspending and overeating might all be related.

The pretty flowers I saw on my walk through Descanso Gardens today

The pretty flowers I saw on my walk through Descanso Gardens today. More fun than cleaning the clutter! But that clutter remains in the back of my mind.


Laurie's made bed

I like to at least make my bed every day. Then, when I go to sleep at night, I feel like I’m in a B & B instead of in a wad of crumpled sheets. Notice the start of clutter on my night table though. It is a struggle for me, but no matter how crazy I feel, that made bed makes me feel proud of myself.

A bit of a clutter on the dresser.

This is what I see from the bed. I’ve been thinking about clearing this small clutter for about 4 months. I always mean to do it tomorrow. Besides my jewel cases, which belong here, there are boxes from my audio equipment, extra cords and inputs, and many lipsticks that I no longer wear.

Mentioned

Sandy’s comment to Grace

Our clutter conversation on day 36

See Laurie’s bike ride on YouTube

Catch up with Laurie

My Spreaker page. Please follow me there if you are on Spreaker.

My Instagram page at LaurieDreamWeaver

The Spark People Team we created for listeners of Compulsive Overeating Diary who might like to count calories. Welcome Cherry! So far, we’re up to nine team members, and we would welcome some more! 10/22/14- no longer an active team due to lack of participation

My new page with instructions for all of the ways (so far) that you can send audio and lend your voice to this podcast.

New free way to leave voicemail http://speakpipe.com/laurieweaver You can also click the blue button on this page that says ‘send a voice message.’

Bravery Hotline

Leave your comments, questions, feelings and stories on Laurie’s podcast voicemail hotline – 206-350-6445.

Credits

Host: Laurie Weaver

Main Theme: I’m Letting Go by Josh Woodward from The Simple Life Part 1

I’m Letting Go (Josh Woodward) / CC BY 3.0

Resource of the day

Flylady.net website This is the place to get tips and schedules and make tackling clutter and keeping your house in shape fun and doable.
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