Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary

January 24, 2015

Status 1-24-15*

DECISIONS AND THE ROBOT ALIENS – yesterday I reached out to a podcasting friend and was able to share some of my feelings and concerns. It felt great to be heard and understood, and it helped quite a bit. I also made some decisions to let go of a few commitments, not to do with the show, and that helped me also.

When I have more time to actually ponder, I want to process and think more about the entire direction of my life. What I want to focus on and what I want to have on and in my mind. I have to admit there were some Robot Aliens involved in my struggles yesterday. It’s a trigger I hadn’t worked through before — putting off decisions – even CONSIDERING decisions. It’s like my mind thinks, “Man, we’re stressed, and we need to have a diet to latch onto. And she’s not budging. What to do? I know, let’s trigger the Robot Aliens so she can drop all of that emotional struggle right back into her body issues where it is familiar and comfy.”

Sigh. It is tough when you’ve overeaten for emotional reasons. Not the same as a nice dinner out AT ALL. I don’t know about you, but when my tummy is too full and it feels like the pig is in the python, my esteem plummets and the nasty critical and doubting voices come flooding in. A diet would be SO MUCH EASIER. I can’t stress enough the emotional relief a diet would be. Not one of us likes the “Feeling fat” or the “out of control” feeling that Robot Aliens bring along for the ride – let alone having your pants that fit yesterday being to hard to zip today.

It’s like my subconscious protection is in warp overdrive. WE WANT A DIET! WE WANT A DIET!

OMG, what a horrible dilemma. I don’t want a diet at all. But I don’t want the tight pants either. Can I trust myself to let my body tell me what it wants? I know it doesn’t enjoy the tight-pants causing behaviors of late, and I don’t enjoy the feeling of weight gain. It is scary. But I know I was doing well before, and not now. What’s changed? That’s the demon that needs wrestling here.

Today

VOICE ACTING ALL DAY – first rehearsal, then I go to my coach, then directly to class. The Santa Ana winds woke me early and I’m tired. Now I have to push aside that tiredness AND the emotional struggles to focus on my work. I have to really mine for some deep bravery today. I need to face my fears and realize I am worth the chance to try. I need to try for REAL and not give up on my voice acting piece. It will make me emotionally stronger. Nobody has a great day all of the time. Everybody has days where things are on their mind. The trick is to put it aside for the current moment. The trick is to focus on what is in front of you. To become the character, not to pretend.

Wow, for a moment I forgot to feel fat.

How about you?

Please feel free to comment on MY statuses or add YOUR OWN thoughts, feelings, challenges, rants and raves on these pages too. That was one of the original purposes of why I posted on FB. I thought BCs might like to share about THEIR days. So if you have thoughts and feelings you’d like to share with the group, go ahead and put them here with your comments.

*Daily statuses are not part of the blog’s email notification. When you enter your email under where it says SUBSCRIBE TO POSTS VIA EMAIL, you will be notified of regular blog posts and when podcast episodes are released. I didn’t want to clog your inbox with my daily statuses. However, the automatic publicize feature will inform you on my show FB page, my AdventureLaurie twitter account, google+ on its show page, and Tumblr.

Body Balance


BB (Body Balance) number 3 Sleep: 4.5 hours divided (Santa Ana winds). Tummy/Gut: Gut feels very full. No surprise. Didn’t binge, but ate way too much when not hungry. Not Hungry within one hour of waking, and will wait until two hours before class unless I get hungry. Energy: Low. Mood: Cautious.

BB is my personal criteria, and I don’t think too hard about it. I ask myself at the keyboard, what is my BB? A number between 1-10, including halves, pops into my head. I write it in my post Then I figure out why it is higher or lower and gently make note.

If you are interested these are my measures.

  1. Sleep. Quality and Amount.
  2. Tummy/Gut – If I ate what my body asked for, usually above and below the belly button feel balanced. Ate too much, below the belly button feels more full. Ate too little, the reverse.
  3. Am I hungry within 1 hour of waking? I have found that I feel best if I am hungry within 1 hour of waking. This tends to make my eating day even and not heavy on food in the evening. But I don’t eat if not hungry unless I’m about to ride or hike. I’ve learned I need to fuel these morning activities, or I’ll bonk.
  4. What is my energy level? Subjective, but telling.
  5. A quick look at my mood.

The Bravery Coach

TheBraveryCoach daily tweet is a morning mediation on how I either did, or can incorporate an aspect of bravery into my day. It is cheerful. It is esteem building. Those who want to follow these on Twitter may, by searching for the hashtag #bravery or by seeing my profile:

Daily Bravery Tweets via TheBraveryCoach on Twitter

9 thoughts on “1-24-15

  1. Stéfanie

    Today we are doing a little family trip to Montréal, and I am aiming on focusing on relashionships rather than food, like you often talk about. My cold should help, since I can’t taste nothing…

    I hope your day with voice acting will help you keep your mind off what burdens you. The anxiety of decision making can be such a fatiguing struggle.

    Whichever decisions you make, remember that they don’t need to be permanent. You can reverse them 99% of the time. You are aloud to change your mind.

    Nobody in the world will never take away the IE tools you have acquired. They are there to stay. They are integrated. They are part of Laurie. You HAVE learned to trust your body. You HAVE stepped away from the scale. you HAVE learned to identify your hunger and fullness signals. You HAVE learned to identify underlying emotions. You HAVE learned to exercise intuitively. You HAVE learned to listen to what your body truly wants to eat. Which means it would be impossible for you to go back to BEFORE because you are not the same person anymore. If, by any means, you would decide to try to loose weight, just remember that the old dieting Laurie that had been haunting you lately is gone. Forever. You are not her. You are a new version of her. You are the Laurie that trusts her body.

    Stéfanie xx

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Merci Mon Amie, Your comment was so helpful and stilled the inner panic that was brewing. Of course you are right!

      Nobody in the world will never take away the IE tools you have acquired. They are there to stay. They are integrated. They are part of Laurie.

      I always say We are free to change directions if that is best. And I should not worry so about it. Right now, my body is doing a GREAT job informing me that it doesn’t want so much dang food in its belly, even when it tells me it is time to eat. I think I just need to relax (oh I hate when people say that, oh JUST RELAX – the dentist, the director, the doctor with a needle…). But in this case, it is true. When I relax, I can tell what I need to eat or what I want to eat based on flavor, energy and not emotions.

      I hope you had fun in Montréal and I’m interested in hearing about your experience focusing on relationships and if that helped you as it does for me when I’m out with people.xoxoxoxoxoxox

      Reply
  2. Dawny

    I am on the Stephanie bus!!! Thanks…. I love this place for that reason all the wisdom!!

    Sorry your struggling with your mind dear laurie, however I’ve learned….. Struggling comes with amazing reward =~) learning, knowledge, wisdom, & experience. =~}.

    I realized yesterday that my new job has taken me to a place of way less obsessive-ness with food and eating lol there’s no time. Lol. Lol. It’s amazing.
    I love my job and it’s busy-ness and I’m not adjusted yet but so many things are better already better for me.

    Thanks for allowing us to share in your life n journey laurie the good the bad the fugly. And thanks to you and all the BC’s for the kindness. Friendship. UnderstNding we give n offer each other.

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Hooray that your new job is helping you with your food issues as well as making you happy career-wise. Such great news, I am smiling ear to ear for you. You are always welcome, and for sure, you are a BC who makes me feel very comfortable being me, even when that me is in a pissy, sad, angry, or otherwise non-happy, funny mood. That’s golden, my friend. The ability to allow people to just be. xoxoxoxoxo

      Reply
      1. Dawny

        This message is like you giving me a hug laurie.
        I’ve been worried as of late that I over-somethinged… Based on a comment that I obvioysly read too much into.
        I always let people just be because I know myself and know I’m quite unique so I try not to hold anyone to higher standards than that lol
        I know im a handful and mouthful and have a hard time with being accepted for me with all my quirks and ‘too much-ness’ so I always fear going down that path again. I try not to be too much lol
        My brain is BUSY

        I do looooove my new job on soooooo many levels. Thanks my friend

        Reply
        1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

          Hahaha, you caught me AGAIN! I was just wrapping up. I know which comment you worried about, and that one was not about YOU, it was me being worried that you felt you ‘had’ to come support me every day, because I had said that somewhere. And (me being a care-taking people pleaser), wanted to MAKE SURE you didn’t have to comment if you didn’t want to, instead of trusting you to know that for yourself. So Sorry for any discomfort that may have caused you. You may post all day, every day, and I would still enjoy every word. xoxoxoxoxox

          Reply
  3. Cassie

    Laurie, I hope whatever decisions you make, you understand how much you’ve helped so many people. Especially me. Thank you and I hope you get some peace.

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Ahhh Cassie, thanks for that. You know, every time I write my daily bravery at TheBraveryCoach on twitter, I now think of you. You helped ME to keep going with that, and I really, really like it. I think I’m feeling better, it’s a day by day kind of thing. Your support and empathy mean the world. xoxoxoxox

      Reply

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