Ep 0071 – Bonus – Bravely Setting Advice Boundaries

Laurie looks up towards the sunny sky
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Things are looking up! Even though I have a lot on my mind, I’m ready to start my early morning hike, listen to Josh’s album and work it out by recording my thoughts in the Zen place.

Podcast Recap

I dig deep to discover, define and then actually share my fears, concerns and boundaries around giving and getting unasked for advice. Learn about the wonderful album that my theme song, ‘I’m Letting Go’ comes from. Shaunie L is on the bravery report for calling the bravery hotline and telling her story in her own words.

Sun is peaking over the mountains at the start of the trail

Here comes the sun! The start of the trail where I hike in the early morning.

Mentioned

The Facebook post and comments where I ask for help prepping for my meeting

My birthday show where I asked for advice

Crystal’s great birthday advice for me

Intuitive Eating Book on Amazon – please use the links below

Intuitive Eating

Kendra’s question on Day 70

My first interview with Alen Standish on Progress Not Perfection

Want to have Fun Being Foolish too?

Participate in our new feature called “Foolish Fun“. Just call the bravery hotline 206-350-6445 or check out the send audio page on http://www.compulsiveovereatingdiary.com/how-to-send-audio/
And tell us a joke, riddle, a silly story, limerick, sing a song, play a kazoo, ANYTHING but talk about compulsive eating. This is the feature where messing up is just part of the act! No names required and Silly Aliases are AOK! Need ideas? See Day 54’s Resource of the Day for my page of ToonaCat Jokes

Catch up with Laurie

My Spreaker page. Please follow me there if you are on Spreaker.

My Instagram page at LaurieDreamWeaver

FaceBook Page if you want to sign up for our email list by clicking Tiger the Cat’s Sign-up button

Laurie on Tumblr

My page with instructions for all of the ways (so far) that you can send audio and lend your voice to this podcast.

New free way to leave voicemail http://speakpipe.com/laurieweaver You can also click the blue button on this page that says ‘send a voice message.’

Bravery Hotline

Leave your comments, questions, feelings and stories on Laurie’s podcast voicemail hotline – 206-350-6445.

Credits

Host: Laurie Weaver

Main Theme:I’m Letting Go by Josh Woodward from The Simple Life Part 1

I’m Letting Go (Josh Woodward) / CC BY 3.0

Resource of the day


The Simple Life
for $5.00 US you can get the ENTIRE awesome album that “I’m Letting Go” is part of. This is direct from Josh Woodward. Please support his music!
Comments box:

15 thoughts on “Ep 0071 – Bonus – Bravely Setting Advice Boundaries

  1. Dawny

    Shauni, it’s great to FEEL what your feeling, hopefully you rest assured knowing your NOT alone, it’s awesome to know and feel that im not alone in feeling/thinking what I feel.. your awesomely brave.. thanks for sharing =-) (thanks for what you do enabling us to hear & meet these types of friends Laurie)

    Miss Laurie, you get the crown.. the bravery tiara.!!! SO proud of you, now I truly understand why you were having reservations as to whether or not you should post this podcast.. Glad you did, one thing Ive learned is we have to ask for what we need because if we don’t people don’t know, and cannot support us to the best of our needs

    And my two cents.. for what they are worth, ive never taken anything you’ve said as you ‘telling me what to do’ and hopeful Ive not done that to you, however, if I have, I know now that you don’t care for that and would be far more concious and aware of not doing it since you’ve expressed your desire to not have that happen to you.

    you may NOT have the ‘PROFESSIONAL’ answers, or advice, however you DO HAVE the PERSONAL EXPERIENCE advice, opinion, answers, and I feel that you’ve ONLY ever expressed things from a personal ‘what works for me’ stand-point and have never interpreted it to be anything more or less than that. We all have our own journeys, and ive gotten a lot out of listening to others. as I once told you, I would not just take what anyone says (or writes even published for that matter) as a set in stone miraculous cure of the woes of the world… because.. uh..if that were the case.. we wouldn’t have any sorts of issues/needs/problems.. lol

    I hope you feel much better now, I sensed your sincere hesitation, and reservations, but again, am SUPER proud of you for being soooo brave in asking for what you need..

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Thanks so much for your entire supportive post Dawny, I feel truly listened to. As for this:

      you may NOT have the ‘PROFESSIONAL’ answers, or advice, however you DO HAVE the PERSONAL EXPERIENCE advice, opinion, answers, and I feel that you’ve ONLY ever expressed things from a personal ‘what works for me’ stand-point and have never interpreted it to be anything more or less than that. We all have our own journeys, and ive gotten a lot out of listening to others. as I once told you, I would not just take what anyone says (or writes even published for that matter) as a set in stone miraculous cure of the woes of the world… because.. uh..if that were the case.. we wouldn’t have any sorts of issues/needs/problems.. lol

      Your writing makes me feel much better. Since I don’t always remember what I record after the fact, and my usual is to tell EVERYONE what to do, since I’ve been working on this trait in therapy I’ve been scared that I have been doing that left and right with you BCs. I haven’t listened again to ALL of the episodes, so it is comforting to know you don’t feel I did that too much as you have recently ran the gauntlet of listening.

      Thanks again, my friend,
      xoxoxoxox

      Reply
  2. Diane

    Bravo Laurie!!!!! That was very brave of you to let that go! I think we have all been guilty of giving unsolicited advice at one time or another. I know I have! But, it irritates me when someone does it to me! So I am going to be more aware of it and make sure that I don’t!

    I’m proud of you!

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Thanks Diane, It was a hard one because is really was me putting me first and that doesn’t feel natural. But as I’ve been recommending that path for myself and others, I guess it’s a good thing I experienced doing just that with you brave companions. Won’t lie though, it was even tougher to release than pathetic episode 4. 🙂

      Reply
  3. Suz (Suzanne)

    I am caught up and in the present with the gang! Yay!
    I just wanted to say I appreciate this podcast.
    I never felt like you were telling me what I ought to do.
    Your thoughts always sound supportive and accepting.
    My mom is the queen of unwanted advice. I just try and cheerfully say, “Thank you for your unsolicited opinion!”
    This may sound snarky, but it’s more positive than years of internalizing criticism and hating myself. Her opinion shouldn’t have that kind of power. Now to figure out how to get all the other opiniond out that I let in years ago.

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Hey Suz, I’m back from my distraction from the last few days, and I wanted to be sure and say CONGRATS on getting all the way caught up, that’s a boat load of listening gal! Thanks too for the great links on FB. I’m using one of them for the resource of the day on Day 72.

      Reply
  4. Cheryl

    How often have I just bit my tongue instead of saying what I should to in order to get my needs met. Hm… 63 years? This is a huge step you took! Must admit I’ve ventured into that countryside a time or two with my sister (trying to set some boundaries about advice — see my comment from last podcast) and it’s never gone well for me. So I think it’s amazing that you were brave enough to put that out there.

    Sometimes people don’t like what happens when we start to get healthy because our reactions to them begin to change and they don’t know how to respond to the NEW us. Sometimes it means THEY have to change, too. I don’t think you’d find that among anyone here. And I’ve never felt you came across as having all the answers. It’s all good, as my son says.

    Just wanted to say your comment about slowing down when you journal or do an audio diary is so spot on. It’s like when you slow down enough, you can hear what you’re actually thinking between the lines. But as you were talking about it, I realized how much of a companion my journal has become to me. It never accuses or shames. Making that step to be openly, verbally honest with people is a whole “‘nuther” critter. Putting yourself out there like you did in the podcast today is such a risk. But then relationships always involve risks. It’s just one more way you’re getting healthy. It’s kind of cool, actually.

    Shaunie, giving you a standing ovation for sharing your story. Like Laurie’s podcast today, that was a huge step. And I’m guessing a lot of us identified with where you’re coming from. Way to go, girl!

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      I think this possible change in relationship is scary to the one changing as well.

      Sometimes people don’t like what happens when we start to get healthy because our reactions to them begin to change and they don’t know how to respond to the NEW us. Sometimes it means THEY have to change, too. I don’t think you’d find that among anyone here

      We are USED to the old way – “The devil you know” kind of thing. Even if the old way sucketh.

      I appreciate your support on this. It was a very hard show for me. And now, I feel SUCH a lightness and relief. I can start to see that the more I don’t WANT to say something about my needs, maybe the more important it is for me to deal with that need and to share it. (Like the time I had to say no to the person back home). Doesn’t mean it makes me feel warm and fuzzy. But at least I’m learning and you brave companions are a GREAT place to practice this as the support is amazing. Maybe that can be another use for the bravery hotline. We can call to say the things we don’t want to say for practice!

      Reply
  5. Stéfanie

    Hi BC’s.
    Great story shaunie. I love your voice.
    Laurie, I salute your courage. It must have been very stressful to release this show but then again felt so good to let it all out.
    Diane, I was majorly touched by your phonecall in the last episode. I hope that you also this great sense of relief by telling us.Saying the truth out loud is such a big part of a successful journey.
    Be proud of your bravery, ladies 🙂
    Stéfanie xx

    Reply
      1. Marquita

        Hi Laurie,

        I recently found your podcast from listening to you on Alen Standish. I instantly liked you and what you had to say. So many things you say resonate with me. I have been a binge/compulsive eater and exercise bulimia addict for over 40 years! Now, at 55 years old, I am just plain exhausted from being on this hamster wheel. I have tried books, seminars, meditation, yoga etc.. but, the one thing I have been too scared to do is to FEEL my FEELINGS! I have been stuffing all my feelings down with food since I was an adolescent.

        As I walked my dog tonight, I listened to your podcast (ep 71). I felt relief as I listened to you talk. I felt I was going to be OK in the moment. Your words soothed and let me know I am not alone in this struggle. When I got home, I instantly felt the desire to eat. So I sat there and felt very uncomfortable and anxious as I asked myself what I was feeling. I could hardly stand it; not being able to rush to the pantry and find something to numb what was bubbling up. But, I persevered and lo and behold I FELT LONELY! I had a conversation with myself for a bit about this loneliness, but after a few minutes I did have some food. I know it takes time to heal and I am taking baby steps, but I think this is the most scary work I have started to do: feel my feelings.
        Your podcast is an enormous support and I thank you with all my heart for being that voice in the darkness. I admire your honesty and willingness to own your truth. I admire that you are setting boundaries and being courageous. You are a beacon of hope. Thank you!!!!

        In closing, I would like to say that I am guilty of giving unsolicited advice, mostly to my children. And I so identify with being on the receiving end of it; especially the part where you said you felt like you weren’t being heard. I decided this was a good thing for me to let go of, as well! You are a brave soul with a huge heart.

        Reply
        1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

          Hi Marquita. Welcome to the home of the brave companions. I’m so glad you found us! I’m also so proud of you for having the bravery to sit with your feelings even for one moment. I know how hard and scary that can be and that earns you a spot on the bravery report! I am 55 also, and am just now starting to “be brave” as you say. The process is terrifying, but also very rewarding. And there are many brave companions here who will support you and ask for your support. I’m looking forward to hearing more of your thoughts and feelings as we take more baby steps on this journey together.
          xoxoxoxoxox

          Reply
        2. Cheryl

          Just dropping back to say hello and welcome to the gang, Marquita! It’s really cool when new listeners jump right in and share. So glad you found us! Looking forward to hearing more from you.

          Reply
  6. Rachel

    Hi there Laurie. Still catching up, but enjoying every minute. You have helped me through the chores today so I sailed through them without any fuss, even hanging out the washing at the top of the garden. Congratulations on your very brave report today. Something that came up for me and you mustn’t take on any responsibility for this, is that I felt really bad. I couldn’t remember if I’d given you any previous advice and felt that I might have offended you in some way. Now this is my s**t and it made me realise how often I take the flack for things I probably didn’t do in the first place!!! How interesting and a real eye opener. Thank you so much for sharing as without your honesty I may have never found out my behaviour patterns.
    I work as a health professional and you mentioned care givers as used to giving advice. I know I don’t do this as I work with people who have breathing difficulties and still smoke. They are intelligent to know it’s not good for them, but they have to do it in their own time and when they are ready. Who am I to tell them what to do? We all have the right to make an unwise decision.
    I love your honesty Laurie and my approach is that we can always learn from other people’s experiences. It is our choice to take what is important to us and to disregard the rest. We can be our own guru.
    Thanks again

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Hi Rachel, its great, as always to read your thoughtful comments. Yes, indeed, this was a powerful episode for me to share. I appreciate the feelings that arose for you, as I have the same. I ALWAYS default into assuming things are my fault, or that if someone has an issue, I may be part of it. I also appreciate that you pointed out, that you knew this was most likely your own issue. It for sure, is MY issue. And even though, you didn’t want reassurance, let me give it. This show was more about me and not the brave companions who were trying, with advice to help me. Hugs Hugs Hugs, and I’m glad you are compassionate in your health career. It is wonderful when caregivers feel as you do. It’s a tough job, though wonderful in how you can touch lives in such meaningful ways. 🙂

      Reply

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