How to Go With the Friggin’ Flow without Flowing Over

Laurie in her white tee shirt tied between her breasts like she's on a beach somewhere making a victory fist
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Voice acting can get your silly on! Here I’m getting in the mood to practice Wonder Woman sides (scripts).

Double Dang Phooey!

Of course, you BCs know that my language has been MUCH MORE SALTY than THAT lately. I have been trying, and trying and trying to get a show out this week. But every dang time I want to get outside, the Thunderstorms come swooping in. THEN the sun comes out when I am booked doing something else, and so on and so on and so on. I am SO NOT A PATIENT WOMAN! Wait, did I say that out loud? Aren’t I supposed to be the Zen role model of Zen goodness and light? NOT! I am so having to RE-learn the dreaded

Go With the Flow

lesson so many times, I think I’m in remedial Zen class.

PATIENCE YOU STUPID GRASSHOPPER!

Case in point, last weekend I drove down to Torrence, CA on Saturday to relax in a hotel, get a good night’s sleep, and attend an all day voice acting class on Sunday. No problemo. Torrence, as the crow flies, is less than 30 miles from my home. Of course, in ALL of LOS ANGELES, there is no crow flying – only ‘Travel time without traffic’ and ‘Travel Time with’ and unless there is some water and wine involved, only WITH applies. AND to make matters worse, the only viable route included driving on the bane of my LA driving life, the EVIL 405! (In SoCal, we put ‘The’ in front of every freeway number, so ‘The 5’, ‘The 118’ etc. Our roads must have special ‘tude, or we are just a pretentious lot, but THAT’s a topic for another day).

Anyway, back to the ranch, Laurie must drive Red Baby on the EVIL, TRAFFIC CHOKED Asphalt RIBBON OF HELL that is, the 405…

Of course I girded my mental Zen and patience loins for this event. I had soothing music in Red Baby. I made sure to DRINK NO BEVERAGES that might cause my poor, middle-aged and no longer strong bladder to distract my lane changing ability. I checked my apps for traffic and found the best of the worst routes. And all the stronger for it and with smugness on my mug, I made it to the Hosanna of my off ramp for Torrence in a not bad time for LA with traffic, 75 minutes. The hotel was now less than 3 miles away, on surface streets. I could even see it shining in the near distance. A Haven of cocktails, relaxing dinner and uninterrupted HGTV awaited. Curse you LA Traffic, Shangri-La was SOON to be mine.

Unknown to me, the City of Torrence was AT THAT VERY TIME holding a well deserved, parade to honor our Military. It took me over a FRIGGIN’ HOUR to inch those last 3 miles — my goal in site, my bladder giving out, my desire to scream the F word having to take a shameful backseat to honoring veterans. Shit!

I FINALLY MAKE IT – or Do I?

Exhausted and walking in that weird way only a woman does when deciding to run for registration and get her room right away to put her suitcase down, or to detour to the lobby ladies’ room first, bags in tow, for expediency, I hesitate at the formerly open line in front of the strangely understaffed registration desk at check-in Zero hour. And before I can say “Here’s my gold card”, 30 members of a French airline crew recently off their shuttle from LAX and exhausted from their nonstop flight, scoot in and surround my line position.

OH MY F-ING Blankety Blank! Panic sets in, the ladies room line is now ALSO filled with a growing slew of endless air crew. Air crew to the front, air crew to the back. Honored soldiers are now pouring in post-parade and taking every bar seat, I’m surrounded and my bladder is about to test my resource and steely strength as never before. Minutes tick by. Tick, Tick, Tick. Will I EVER get to the front of the line? Will I EVER get to the ladies? Or will I forever regret not popping for my first outing with Depends Undergarments?

Just give me my ROOM

I plaster a fake smile on my face, do Kegels as if my life depended on it, made conversation with the exhausted French aircrew, and Finally, FINALLY got to the front of the line. “Here’s my gold card…”

“Excuse me,” a war torn veteran, pushed ahead.

“Nooooooooo”, I can’t take a stand against that. Panicked, I didn’t know what to do.

The harried front desk clerk discerned my plight with pity on her face.

“I’m sorry Sir, but I believe this lady was first”.

Bless you, bless you, bless you!

I literally threw my credit card, ID, frequent guest card, first born, the works at her.

“I see this is the first time we’ve had the pleasure of serving you Mrs. Weaver. Would you like to know the features of the property?”

“NO THANK YOU”, gritted teeth and plastic smile about to bite through my tongue, I growl, “Can I just have the key?”

“Ok,” she seemed relieved NOT to have to treat me to Gold Member service with a teeming crowd of French aircrew and honored soldiers behind me,”14th floor”.

“Please let the elevators be fast, PLEASE let the elevators be fast”, I prayed as I sprinted as fast as possible given my circumstances.

Finally! My luck turned. I dashed into a handy car just as its door were closing in the nick of time on its way to the blessed up.

Laugh, Clown, F-ing Laugh

“Sorry”, the harried parents said sheepishly.

“Wha?”

Their 3 year old had pushed every floor’s button just before I dashed into this lucky car.

What can I say?

At least my Kegels have gotten MUCH stronger through this experience.

Bonus Photos Until I Can Record

Laurie in front of an outdoor swimming pool with an opening in large block windows to the pool within

Not that you needed another selfie in my swimming attire, but I wanted to show you this cool pool! It’s half innie and half outie. You swim right through the lower opening in the window into the building. Really fun!


Laurie's half open closet

Marvel at the home of my future recording studio. Yep, the guest room closet plus another 2 feet in front of it will get the acoustic treatment and be made cosy for recording. No more hauling the quilts and foam out! Of course, this will take awhile, but finally having a space and equipment plan is a big step forward! And what quest wouldn’t LOVE sleeping in a recording studio?

Comments box:

8 thoughts on “How to Go With the Friggin’ Flow without Flowing Over

  1. Dawny

    Oh me oh my. Laurie I just love you!!!!! You really make me giggle! I’ve been in this situation. I love your commentary and descriptive details. Wahooooooo

    I hope things got better.

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Haha Dawny, I THOUGHT you might like this one! I meant to write about something else entirely, but there you have it! I’m hoping maybe I can record a show on Sunday. The storms are predicted to be over then…maybe. Gee Whiz! On the plus side, just back from my voice acting coaching session and I did SO good today. I’m really encouraged. How are things going for you? Hope your keel is feeling more even. xoxoxoxoxox

      Reply
  2. eM

    Yes, that middle-aged bladder matter can make us move faster than a…

    What a delightful little post to read today, Laurie. Thanks so much. πŸ™‚

    Reply
  3. Amy from WI

    Oh my, Laurie! What a story you tell. My affection for diet soda has had me in similar situations more than once. So sorry! But, you made it. I hope you ended up enjoying the training and felt that it was helpful. I’m enjoying some much needed relaxation at the lake. The weather is stinky, but I can still relax!

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Hi Amy, I’m so glad you are having some down time at the Lake. Back in Washington state, I too have had many vacations in drizzle and cold. Strangely, this last patch of odd weather has been some of the most long lasting since I’ve been in SoCal. I’m doing great and am trying my best to get a show out, before you all forget who the heck I am, and *I* forget what I wanted to say anyway! Hugs and smooches my dear. Thanks for dropping by. oxoxoxoxox

      Reply
  4. Dave

    Laurie,
    You had me rotfluiampmp…Rolling on the floor laughing until I almost peed my pants.
    Us middle aged men have the same weak bladder, mine usually kicks in 30 min after I start a road trip or 30 mins after the previews in the movie theater.

    You will need to share with us your new voice acting skills……I will bet the BC can even come up with a funny script. You up for the challenge BC? calensariel???

    Reply
    1. Laurie@CompulsiveOvereatingDiary Post author

      Hi Dave, GMTA – I’m launching my new Laurie’s Stories for us writers – I’m looking at YOU and CALEN btw, as a way for me and my voice actor friends to practice and for any of you to give voice narration a try. I’m off up the mountain now, and recorded my latest story using some of what I’ve learned AND with my new audio interface in my quilt filled guest room. TaTa for now. Glad you liked my funny bladder story. I MEANT to write something else, but at my age, I guess ‘where is the next Ladies’ is what’s foremost on my mind. πŸ˜‰

      Reply

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