Sometimes the well-worn path can be a good thing.

Do you ever take words for granted?

After listening to last week’s episode, it struck me how the meaning of the word ‘discourage’ is really all about whether or not we have courage. So I looked up the entry of its prefix DIS on Dictionary.com

Dis-

a Latin prefix meaning “apart,” “asunder,” “away,” “utterly,” or having a privative, negative, or reversing force

So if dis reverses its main word then DISinterest is the same as not having interest, DISbelief is the same as not having belief, and DIScourage is then not having courage.

Why Laurie is this English lesson helpful?

Because I think for many of us, bumps in the road cause us to embrace discouragement without examining its true meaning and we give up on ourselves, our dreams and our goals. Being discouraged can turn into an automatic avoidance of risk. If we assume we will fail, and we assume it won’t matter, then it is hard to take action. We don’t like how it feels to fail, who would? And it is true we cannot control the results of our actions, but we can 100% control our courage to take action.

What do you mean I can control my courage?

You don’t have to be perfect, great, talented, wonderful or any of that to be brave. All it takes is the decision to be true to you and do something about it.

Do you have an example?

It’s about self-perception. Let’s say I need to get weighed and I discover my weight is up. I might feel discouraged, as that is what feels normal. And if I allow discouragement to take hold, losing my courage gives me reason to give up on my plan – be it intuitive eating, or a personal goal of eating more veggies or some other method. And honestly, for those first few moments of giving up, it feels great. It’s a relief. It’s a mental vacation. It reinforces the reward of walking the well-worn path. Change can be difficult and mentally challenging. So why continue?

For most of my life I would only go back to my diet plan because of fear. The fear that I would never fit in, never be loved, never be part of the normal crowd as a fat person. I was reacting to an external idea.

I would then go back on my diet with hope. I would go back with determination. This time I would do it. I would be filled with courage, like the knights of old charging off to slay the wicked dragon.

Then old habits, emotions, or justifications would come around, as they always do for me, and I would step off whatever path I was on. My armor would be dented. I would be feeble and it would be plain to all, including me, that I was no champion. And that feeling of well-worn failure would trigger me to fall back into the arms of robot aliens.

Hmmmm. Putting on armor was like a costume. I rode out with my good intentions knowing that these intentions were not from me. I rode out on paths I THOUGHT I should take in order to slay my dragon. And when I did not, I lost my courage.

So what can we do to keep our courage?

This tussle between giving in to discouragement and keeping my courage rings true with things in my life other than food too. From learning to be a teacher, to acting, to keeping my house in order.

I find myself not trusting myself and looking for tips, tricks, methods or teachers to show me the way.

Now, there is nothing wrong with getting feedback and learning from others, it’s often a very valuable way to progress.

But when we allow the opinions of others to dictate our hearts, it is very hard to have true courage. I believe courage comes from within and fostering ways to listen to our own hearts is how we become more brave.

I think part of why we with eating issues are so prone to people pleasing comes from not believing our own hearts are worthy as is. We don’t trust ourselves and if we need something, we see it as selfish. But our hearts are part of that still small voice that speaks to us.

Learning to Recognize True Inner Bravery

Bravery isn’t loud. It isn’t showy. It is certain. When we feel what’s right with certainty, then taking that action fills us with self-pride and love, even if the action seems to fail and our usual course is to let that DIScourage us. Even if in another situation our certainty changes course.

As an eating example: Do you really want cake? Or do you want to celebrate and be part of the crowd? Do you really want chips? Or do you want distraction? Do you truly enjoy popcorn at the movies or is it a habit? The brave thing is to allow yourself to know and then make a choice. Either way. If you are certain that choosing popcorn will give you joy in that moment, then enjoy the choice. If it is a habit, and you are certain that regret will follow, enjoy the choice to abstain this time.

But what if I’m NOT certain?

That’s where we fall on the well-worn path. Many times in all of my diet/binge career, I have eaten mindlessly or in response to social cues. Also in response to negative emotions. This is my well worn path.

Can we make a new path?

Yes! Every time we make a choice we are building a new well-worn path to fall back on. The tricky part for me making a new path with intuitive eating is that there can be times when I really do want the food as food, and times when I am falling into habits and discouragement. I have gone on vacation and eaten some items that normally I would not, yet felt fine about it. I have also had amounts of the same thing after an emotional disappointment and felt like the biggest failure on the planet.

It is all about how I interpret the choice – and NOT choosing is a choice.

That’s why I think it is important to not be DIScouraged. We do not have to let any event, eating or otherwise, take our inner courage from us. For example, If I don’t like the result of my action, if I bravely allow myself to really understand why, then I can adjust. If it is too painful, and chips feel like a better answer than self-awareness, than I remain stuck until which time I can see my behavior for what it is.

And to make it even tricker, sometimes Discouragement can feel like a blessing

Sometimes it IS too painful. My grieving for the loss of my mom was that way. I couldn’t handle all of the emotions, so distracting with food and worry about weight gain was an awesome well-worn path. Did it make my mom come back to life? No. Did it change any interaction I had ever had with her? No. Did it help me push thinking or feeling too much away? Yes.

Right or wrong, I needed time and space away. Looking back, I wish maybe I had chosen another method – like a grief support group, or journaling or something, but at that time, what happened, happened.

I can’t change that past, but I won’t let it rob me of my courage. And I’m glad I’m back now on my well-worn path up the mountain to spend time processing my thoughts with all of you.

xoxoxoxoxoxoxox

I’m stopping to smell the rosemary on my last hike – a few days after my last birthday.

Hey BCs – let me know what you think. Want to start up our conversation again? If so, please comment below or call the bravery hotline. I think I have some new thoughts (and things to let go of) on my eating/body/bravery journey lately, but I HATE just talking to myself. Thinking about new weekly episodes, 30 minutes or less. Want to hear more? Want to add your thoughts too or are you just into listening? One reason I ask is I want to get hiking back in my week. Also, I’m in a new stage of my intuitive eating….slooooooowwwwwly, weight is moving down. Also grief hits me from time to time over loss of my mom (among other changes at this stage of life) And I would sooooo appreciate support and input. New challenges to ponder… anyway, before I put COD back into my schedule, I wanted your input. And if I don’t hear much, then I guess that’s my answer! 😉 xoxoxoxo

One of the last times I was with both of my parents. You can see Mom and I are peas in a pod. The opal necklace she’s wearing I gave her for her 60th birthday and she never took it off. Now I have it and can’t believe I’m almost to 60 myself.

We Were Tired of Eating at Home

Written by Margie Bunge
Illustrated by Laurie Bunge (Weaver)
Voiced by Laurie Weaver

A special story written with my Mom when I was a kid.

My mom passed away recently. It was unexpected. Painful. Now rudderless, I was lost – a ghost orphan, my identity as a daughter stripped away. Then going through her things, I found a book we had written together when I was around 10. I’d forgotten it. But reading our creative work brought back the good times and reminded me just how lucky I was to have a mom like her. I decided to read the story aloud and show you the illustrations of my ten-year-old self as a tribute to my mom, Margie Bunge.

I celebrated doing two brave things by buying this crocheted butterfly bracelet and visiting the camellias at Descanso Gardens

How Much Do You REALLY Celebrate Your Small Milestones?

This was a question my acting teacher asked us in class. The process of acting can be scary, thrilling, emotional. It takes risk to reveal yourself on stage (or on the mic). Each success is a victory. It should not be discounted. Each week I would have some new success in class, and the next week my teacher would ask,

Laurie, How did you celebrate?

I would look away, nodding, and changing the topic. I had heard of this advice before. In weight loss programs, in school, In every self-help book.

Celebrate small victories!

For me, making my bed in the morning is a victory. But I couldn’t see myself buying commemorative items for it. Every time I eat when I’m hungry instead of bored it’s a victory, but if I treated myself to a special tea or treat each time, I would soon be drinking and eating for celebration all day long and never get hungry again.

I can come up with zillions of excuses why it is STUPID to “have to celebrate” small victories.

Notice what I wrote there? HAVE to celebrate. Another chore in my mind has been added to my plate. The very idea of ME celebrating my own work/accomplishment/bravery is a chore in my tangled up compulsive mind. Don’t want another chore, so I don’t want to celebrate.

Wah? Crazy making. This is a hidden challenge I hadn’t let go of – mostly since I had no awareness of it. Besides being prone to negative and all or nothing thinking, which means I tend to teflon good comments away as BS while welcoming the slings and arrows of Zingers deep within, I had a wrong headed image that celebrating what I accomplish is a chore, not a joy.

Well this attitude would not fly with my excellent teacher. Last week she made a point that my acting would stall if I didn’t MAKE TIME AND SPACE, to even in a very small way, celebrate my victories. And I realized this was true in life as well as art. I NEEDED to learn to let in my own good thoughts about myself, my work and my bravery. Not for show, not for armor, not even for compliance to my teacher’s wishes. I needed to start being my own best friend, fan and mentor. I needed to learn how to show myself genuine love and appreciation so I would respond to these good feelings and grow in a positive way.

I don’t care how many good friends, loved ones or BCs we have, they cannot be there for every moment of our positive growth. As a teacher, I know that reinforcement works. Techers don’t have those gold stars for nothing! So the best way to reinforce our positive accomplishment is to get in the habit of acknowledging and celebrating each victory, large and small, ourselves.

I won’t lie, I find this challenging.

But I am determined to do whatever it takes to improve as an actor – even if it means being nice to myself!

(Just the fact I wrote that last sentence SHOWS how deeply my knee-jerk negativity habit is intrenched regarding my performance in art and life)

Celebrate, Celebrate, Dance to the Music!

Last week I did two brave things.

1. I asked someone for help without apologizing for the inconvenience of me asking them.
2. I tried for a voice acting job I want without talking myself out of it with excuses.

So I took myself to Descanso just to see the Camellias in bloom. While there I found the butterfly bracelet featured in the photo above. It is a knitted trinket. It didn’t cost very much, but the butterflies are a symbol of change. Each time I see them on my wrist I’m reminded, that I am

Changing for the Braver

And last acting class, I sang on stage.

Time for a diamond tiara of bravery!

Oh yah, I have that, Thanks Suz!

Might be to take it off Eeyore and wear it myself!

xoxoxoxoxoxo

I like this photo. The look on my face reminds me of my iconic accidental selfie hiking shot that is the logo for this show. I see clarity and peace — not worry about my body, fears, or anything else. A moment to capture!

Fork in the Road

I know, I know, I’ve been conspicuous in my absence lately. No blog posts since Christmas, no shows since Christmas, and here it is almost Valentine’s Day by crickey! I went for a walk in the park the other day and ALMOST decided to strap on my trusty Roland 05 for a bonus episode, but thought again. I think we have passed a fork in the road. I know that you BCs still care, and I know *I* care, but it feels like we have slipped away from one another like college buds do as family and work looms more largely in the scheme of things. I want to you know, REALLY, REALLY know that I miss you all. I so enjoyed our regular adventures and interactions, and just like YOU liked to hear how my life was going, I liked to keep up with you.

But I’m not sitting around fretting the past.

Facing the Future

You will NEVER guess in one million years what I was doing instead of podcasting as I walked around the park. I was learning the song, I’m not that Girl, from the musical Wicked. And I was learning it, because I am working on playing Elphaba in acting class.

Now you who have traveled along my path for the last few years might find your JAWS DROPPING at that idea.

1. Elphaba SINGS in front of people (gasp)
2. Elphaba is a LEADING part – therefore thrust in front of people (no hiding there)
3. Elphaba by type is NOT cast as almost 57 and over 200 pounds (this is what my physical form provides)

But a big lesson I’m learning in acting class is:

SO the F*CK What?

What is there to be gained by fear? Who is ever helped by lack of passion or purpose? How can we possibly SURPRISE ourselves if we always play things safe?

Perfection Doesn’t Help My Middle Age Angst

At my age, not only are icons of my time, like David Bowie and Glenn Frey passing away with frightening regularity, all of my phone calls with my mom include funeral news about more and more neighbors, friends and cohorts of hers. My dad passed away almost 7 years ago, I still can’t believe that one, and in a very real way, the world feels as if it is shifting and crumbling from all I knew into who knows what?

It pushes the point:

If not now, when?

And if I am going to try something, be it voice acting or singing, or rock climbing, then chances are pretty dang good I’m not going to be perfect. Probably, even not with the proverbial practice. Practice DOES make improved, but never, never, perfect. Perfection for me is a myth and an excuse. I had SO MUCH FEAR that I would screw something up. A phobia, a feeling that I WOULD DIE if I screwed something up. But guess what, self?

I’m going to DIE ANYWAY!

I used to use my body and my weight as an excuse not to pursue or try anything important. I always had thinness and perfection over my rainbow. Just one more diet, one more exercise plan, one more revelation about good food/bad food, one more chance to make my dreams come true.

Crap.

I don’t overeat anymore.

I exercise more than most my age.

I’ve been thin and fatter than this.

But my 56, almost 57 year old body is not a stranger. This body shape and level of gravity has been mine for most of my life.

I am who I am.

I used to use perfection as an excuse. Once I learned to sing (if ever) I would. Can’t possibly let anyone hear a clunker note attributed to me! I can’t write stories without having them be perfect. What would people think? I can’t possibly make a podcast without tons of market research and advice from experts. I MIGHT FAIL!

Phooey! I like to sing.
I like to write
I like to make podcasts.

Sometimes I sing better then others.
Sometimes my stories are a good swing at bat – they hit or miss.
Sometimes my podcasts flourish, and other times they languish.

The Big Question

If I take away fear, and rainbow dreams of a perfect body and a perfect talent, and dependence on ‘what other people think and say’

Who am I?

Outdoor lover

Humorist

Bike rider

Lover of the Arts (and Mark)

New, Braver Podcaster

I’m working on a new show called Stories and Voice. This one is 1000 times more scary than COD. Even though I revealed my personal self in COD, I had control of it. I could record when I wanted, ask for input or get people to contribute (Thanks Fionna, Dawny and Stéfanie for contributing so often) but overall, even if EVERY PERSON I ASKED said no, I could release a show based ONLY ON MY PERFORMANCE. So I had a safety net.

This one depends on the kindness of writers, voice actors, and singer/songwriters to thrive. While I will share some of my work, I’m hoping there is a community of creative people who will love to share THEIR voice as much as I do. It is SCARY SCARY SCARY to put this dream out into the universe. I have a lot of hope and I’m hanging my creative heart on my sleeve.

Maybe I’m wrong, maybe this one will flop, maybe all the time and effort I’m expending will fail.

But to quote myself,

SO the F*CK What?

If I never try, I WILL FAIL 100%.

If I never take steps toward what seems passionate and creative, I will FAIL TO THRIVE in my heart.

If I’m not willing to RISK SUCCESS, then I will FAIL to leave this earth a little better than I found it.

Because we are all unique. We have unique talents and passions that have nothing to do with our size or how perfect we are. We all have a wonderful voice to share. And sometimes it takes bravely moving along an unknown path to find out, for ourselves, who we are.

xoxoxoxoxoxo